Your opinions.....please!

by Gill 18 Replies latest watchtower scandals

• 

  Gill

  Hi everyone! I'm asking your opinion today and probably venting my spleen a little as well, I'm afraid.

  We all agree, I've noticed that shunning, for the JW reasons is wrong and even downright wicked.

  However, my husband will no longer speak to or acknowledge his parents, after years of being a very good, infact, too good a son to them.

  I posted a while ago about the ongoing problem with our JW families. We wanted to take in my husbands very elderly grandfather but his parents would not allow it because we are faded JWs. We found a letter while reading through Grandpa's cards in which, my mother-in-law had slandered us terribly and my family. They also said that we could not have Grandpa because we're not 'spiritual enough'. So they put him in an old people's home. Makes sense doing that doesn't it!

  We then found out about 'other things' mother in law had been saying about us and then, recently when my husband rang the care home over heard the carers saying, that 'the Grandson with the temper problem that's after his Grandpa's money is on the phone'.

  This is total and utter lies! He has neither 'problems'.

  Now, hubby will NOT have anything to do with his parents no matter what I say to him. He will not even acknowledge them in the street. I just nod and that's all.

  Is shunning always bad? I think he has good reason to shun them. However, before this slandering of us became obvious they had tended to ignore us in the street. Now they shout 'Hello' while smiling and smirking. So I'm wondering what the best thing to do is. Hence....your opinions please?!
• 

  Brummie

  What a digusting thing for them to say and do that to your hubby! You just have to let him have his time out from them Gill, he is a good son and the way they have rewarded him for being such is a disgrace. However, at the end of the day he is still their son and he will love them regardless, he just needs to vent and take time out to find his feet again.

  Sorry to hear this story, its sad that this has happened to you both.

  Brummie
• 

  Scully

  I believe that what was written in the card constitutes libel. And what was told to the staff at Grandpa's old folks' home constitutes slander.

  Perhaps a stern letter to your husband's parents from a lawyer to have them cease and desist from this treacherous behaviour is not out of the question. Also, you could report this slander to the Elders? - they do take a dim view of slander and gossip.

  On the other hand, I tend to believe accusations like the ones made by your husband's parents are really a projection of their own plans and designs - particularly with regard to the statement about "being after Grandpa's money".

  Love, Scully
• 

  Brummie

  And what was told to the staff at Grandpa's old folks' home constitutes slander.

  Bang on Scully! Go for it Gill, just a warning letter to the staff and the parents should clear up any little misunderstanding.
• 

  Gill

  Scully - The 'money' has ALWAYS been the problem. I remember for many years my husbands parents complainig that Grandpa was still alive and that they should have his money by now! This is no lie or exaggeration. But it compounds our exasparation with them now, that money is all that THEY have been after and yet what we are accussed of being after.

  As for the general slandering of US, that is something I endured my whole married life from them. My husband never believed the things I told him they had said. They're bloody clever and cunning. Now he has heard and seen it for himself, he's had quite a shock.

  The cease and desist sounds like a good idea if my husband will go for it.

  Love of money being the root of all evil, it doesn't surprise me what people will do for it.
• 

  funkyderek

  Is shunning always bad?

  Shunning people because they no longer share your religious beliefs is pathetic and childish. Shunning someone because they spread lies about you is perfectly acceptable. Sorry to hear about these problems with your husband's family. Sometimes the best way to deal with poisonous people like that is to get them out of your lives completely.
• 

  Maverick

  I have a hard time with the belief that you should just, "let it go!"

  I suppose there are advantages to keeping silent about such behavior but for the life of me I don't know what those advantages are!

  If your husband has the facts right, and he is sure of the situation with regards to his parents motives, he has an obligation to defend HIS family and HIS motives. If your husband can think it through and work his plan, he can undo some of the serious wrong done to you both.

  Behavior rewarded is behavior repeated. Do not "enable" their wicked acts by doing nothing, thereby rewarding this behavior. I would not bother with the dickless Elders. Let them run to these window washer/ministers of a book printing company.
• 

  jgnat

  There are people not worth hanging around. Those without a moral center or a sense of ethics. Unfortunately, this does describe your in-laws. Your hubby is justified to ignore them, until such time that they admit their wrong.

  Grandpa needs to be protected from these people. The in-laws have both slandered and made libelous comments about your hubby. Get something in writing now, to protect your hubby and your grandfather.
• 

  calamityjane

  Well this thread has gotten my temper flaring.

  Also, you could report this slander to the Elders? - they do take a dim view of slander and gossip.

  I have to disagree with you Scully on this point. They don't give a rat's ass about such slander and gossip. I know that first hand. One year prior to our exiting the borg, my family was slandered and eventually right to my face, I immediately went to the elders, yeah they talked to this baptized person, but nothing was done. All I got were pompous ass looks from the elder and his treacherous daughter, who had spread the lies.

  Gill, your husband has every right to be totally livid with them. I have had a situation with my jw parents, where I totally cut them off from my family including their grandchildren because I couldn't take the "behind my back" crap.

  Give him time to cool off. It will take time, months, years. Some of us don't take well to slanderous gossip. I know I don't and I won't stand for it at any time.

  Yes, a letter from a lawyer to his parents may help to be a warning to them to cease and desist. But you probably wouldn't want to take it any further legally. To costly, I know, I work in a law firm.

  cj
• 

  Gill

  Hi1 Thanks for your views and your sympathy as well.

  We did try to protect Grandpa as they cunningly got him to sign an Enduring Power of Attorney, claiming it was a form to help them get his food in for him when he went home from the hospital. An EPA gives the person who it is in favour of TOTAL control of the donor's (Grandpa's) money! We took him to a lawyer, as we wanted him to live with us and he wanted to live with us, but the only thing the lawyer felt she could do was have us sign a new Enduring Power of Attorney in our favour. We did not want control of Gpa's money but apparantly you need control of someone's money to have control of them. The lawyer, very sympathetic and helpful, could do no more though she wanted to. We refused to have him sign an EPA in our favour. We only wanted to look after him. My husband has always been very close to him.

  Gpa had been conned into signing an Enduring Power of Attorney a few months earlier which we had successfully overturned. But the lawyer said it was likely they would continue to con the poor old man and we'd end up back again spending hundreds in lawyers bills saving the poor man from doing something he didn't want to do yet again. They just kept tricking him. We tried. But the bills were mounting up, seriously big time!

  So hubby is at the end of his very patient tether.