by min79 25 Replies latest jw friends
Hia....I'm a newbie and left jw's org 8years ago after 12years.
I chose not to write a letter because the choice was mine to make and belonged only to me.
I felt that the act of writing a letter handed the org. a power over me that was not theirs by any right.
Your life belongs to you and you answer to no-one but yourself.
It is entirely possible to leave behind you something that is unhealthy for you and to choose to be true to 'you'.
warm wishes
Paws
Hi min, welcome to the forum.
When my mother DAd herself she kept it short--just pretty much stated the reasons why she and her kids were no going to be apart of the religion (#1 being that shunning my grandmother and other family members who were Dfd tore our family apart). Anyway, Aude gave a link in her post where there are some letters you can look at.
As far as dealing with shunning, well by the time my family left we weren't on the best terms with many of the people at the KH so the shunning from them wasn't that difficult. With family on the other hand it was pretty difficult. But as time goes on it gets easier. You meet new people that as a JW you wouldn't have associated with and realize what true friends are and things get better. It doesn't all go away but it gets better.
I hope to see more posts from you soon.
All the best
Hi paws, welcome to the forum.
Hi Min,
As far as dealing with being shunned, there really isn't an easy answer. You don't have a choice but to deal with it, because your previous friends WILL NOT speak to you. The friends that I grew up with, went thru school with, laughed, cried with, all left me, and never spoke to me again. That only made me realize even more that they were never my true friends to begin with. How could they have been, after all we had been thru together. But somehow I made it thru, although I still miss them dearly sometimes when something reminds me of them. I just keep reminding myself that they are the sad ones, to still be in that pathetic religion, having their minds controlled. It's good that you travel alot, because living in the same town as all of the people in the congregation can be very stressful, especially when you see them at the store and they don't say a word to you, they just stare with glaring eyes. It's hard at first, but it gets easier to deal with as time goes by.
Good luck to you
Welcome Min79.
cj
I am of the fade away brigade...so havent had the experience of being DA'ed or Dfshpd...but this is a tough decision....i think you need to remember that true friends are those that stick by you...no matter what you believe or do not believe...since leaving the organisation i have found some truely fantastic friends...make them...keep them close to your heart...
If people are prepared to turn their backs on you...they werent friends at all...just mere acquaintances...
Good luck with your decision making...
G
welcome to the forum min79
Your post does not indicate how old you are or at what stage of your life you are in. I mention that because leaving this religion once it has become your life is difficult. Especially if you have a wife and children.
You literally have to start your life over; as many posting here ( including myself) will attest to. You will need a new support network of friends and community to belong to because the JWs will drop you cold. This can be a difficult situation emotionally.
Having outside (outside the jW sphere of influence) friends will certainly help. Good luck to you,
Frank
Welcome to this colorful neighborhood!
I'm a 3rd generation JW, doing the slowest fade known to mankind. I miss as many meetings as possible and do as little service time as possible.
I need to keep lines of communication open with my parents, close relatives, and some dear friends that happen to be JWs.
Try the 'fade' and see how it works for you!
DY
Here's my advice: Don't DA yourself and don't write any letter.
Instead, tell the Witnesses you know that you suffer from depression. Then, slowly fade out.
Write down at least an hour on a field service report every six months, so that you don't get on the list
for an automatic visit from the elders. Better yet, just move away and don't tell them.
metatron
I was df'ed by a bunch of judgemental unsympathtic men 3 years ago. Now I wish I had not played by their rules. I wish I had lied my face off, but I trusted them. They do not have the right to know my personal life.
If I were you, I would try to just fade, like ppl said here, when they call, say "i just need some time to myself" "I am thinking" "I am fine, thankyou but I would like some time alone" "I will be back to meetings soon" etc.
Dealing with shunning of family members is the hardest thing I have ever had to suffer. If I didn't have to have it, I wouldn't choose it.
Love Jez
