Letter to elder, does it make any sense?

PinTail

Dear Steve, since our last study together at our home I have had a few perplexing questions concerning the lunches and other communications with my wife Pat while I was left at home, along with my never being asked to participate notwithstanding of who is paying for the meal; besides being her husband and head.

I have wanted to send this letter of inquiry concerning this matter, because it has weighed heavy on my mind, and also in view of the fact that Don said at my door earlier with the other fellow that was with him, that you really liked me. I feel you are a very good teacher as I mentioned to you on the phone as well as a wise man, so it is in this spirit that I have sent this letter to you.

After the last lunch that you and your wife had with my wife that was at lest two or three in number, me and my wife discussed why the questionings and mysterious arrangements that were apart from me appeared to be planed that way?

Ever since that time I have mulled it over in my mind even at times waking up at night wondering just why there were these coordinated lunches to discuss studying or possibly other subjects, when I would never have restricted my wife?s desire to study even if I do have misgivings concerning some congregational policies. Do you really feel it would have been unwise to come to my house to discuss the matters you felt were important, with my wife as well as me?

In conclusion I should have been present at those arranged for meetings or lunches as my wife related to me the substance of what was said, with most situations like that it would have caused much strife between husband and wife. My wife though not being raised a Jehovah?s Witness, instinctively recognized her place in connection with the headship principal, this is very rare in or out of the Jehovah?s Witness?s organization and for that I am thankful to her, she never ceases amazing me in this regard. I find it difficult to accept that Jehovah through Christ Jesus would approve of usurping a man and women?s relationship put in place by Jehovah himself.

I have observed the harmonious relationship you and your wife have; it was refreshing to see, I know it could be no other way with out causing great stress to both of you, I wish you could have allotted us that same dignity.

You may contact me if desired concerning the matter related above through electronic mail that is listed above or US mail, rather than bringing intimidating members to my door even though this may be organizational policy, it is still stressful to me and my health that I will not accept.

Yours truly,

Lewis S. Draney

jgnat

I edited mostly for clarity, leaving out bits that are really none of his business. What do you think?

Dear SXXX, since our last study together at our home I have had a few perplexing questions concerning the lunches and other communications with my wife Pat in my absence. I have wanted to send this letter of inquiry concerning this matter, because it has weighed heavy on my mind. I feel you are a very good teacher as well as a wise man, so it is in this spirit that I have sent this letter to you.

Ever since that time I have mulled it over in my mind why there were these privately planned lunches when I would never have restricted my wife?s desire to study. Do you really feel it would have been unwise to come to my house to discuss the matters you felt were important, with my wife as well as me? I feel like my position as husband and head has been violated.

In conclusion I should have been present at those arranged for meetings or lunches as my wife related to me the substance of what was said, with most situations like that it would have caused much strife between husband and wife. My wife though not being raised a Jehovah?s Witness, instinctively recognized her place in connection with the headship principle. I find it difficult to accept that Jehovah through Christ Jesus would approve of usurping a man and women?s relationship put in place by Jehovah himself.

I have observed the harmonious relationship you and your wife have; it was refreshing to see, I know it could be no other way with out causing great stress to both of you, I wish you could have allotted us that same dignity.

You may contact me if desired concerning the matter related above through electronic mail that is listed above or US mail. I would rather not have a home visit door, as that would be stressful to me and bad for my health.

Yours truly,

Pin Tail

A Paduan

"I feel you are a very good teacher as well as a wise man"

But you're about to tell him that he's not, and indeed requires a lesson in basic manners.

stillajwexelder

I think it is a great letter

PinTail

I hoped I would have got more hits on this post, cause I was feeling a bit stupid for sending this letter to this old elder. Even though I was raised a witness I have fallen away and felt the need for spiritual aid, and he seemd to be providing it till he told me the witness's still had the two witness policy concerning abuse. So I told him we both did not want to study at this time because of it.

It was then they started calling and asking for my wife, she then told me that they wanted to have lunch with her and not me on the phone, her not ever being a jehovah's Witness she also thought it kind a rude. I said yeah go and see what they want, so she let them take her to lunch from her place of employment (she paid for her lunch not them its her way) then she would relate to me what was said latter.

All and all it really bothered me and caught me off guard because he honestly was a kind old man of 73, and a friend of my older family members for some 50 years. Hopefuly this helps clear up some of the blank spaces in my letter to him. I am kind of a depressed kind of guy, in many ways cause of set backs caused because of a head trauma.

(By the way it dose not bother me use my first name.)

PinTail (Shane)

Gill

Hi Shane,

Great letter. jgnat does get rid of some of the parts that are none of the elder's business if you chose to use that version. It's difficult for you, I can see but sometimes people have to just butt out of your life and let you get on without trying to force you to do, or your wife to do things you don't want to. They may well be a kindly old couple but this cloak and dagger skullduggery of theirs, in taking your wife out without you is NOT ON.

You have a great wife, if you want some JW spirituality by all means read your bible with their publications but do you really need to be harrassed by someone who may well be out to get some hours and a study on his report slip?

prophecor

If it was he was doing these things behind your back, then it would seem to me that you were even more diplomatic than many a man might have been, given that same situation. If he was a much older man, then it would appear that you handled it in a very dignified manner, although age is not necessarilly reason to always handle things in a gentlemanly fashion, what's more important is the fact that you have your wife who supported you in your situation.

JustTickledPink

Taking religion aside... and just focusing in on normal manners... if someone called me up and invited me out to lunch, to the movies, etc and did not invite my husband I would wonder why. ONLY a girlfriend would say "hey let's have a girls night out" ... never in a million years can I think of a single person who would ask me out and leave out my husband.

If someone asked him out and I wasn't invited, I would be insulted. There are OBVIOUS ulterior motives. I think the letter is in perfect order and if you feel you need to send it, send it off. Although I think in my house we would handle it without a paper trail, next time they called or stopped by I as the wife would say, "actually I didn't like the fact my husband wasn't invited, we are partners, a true COUPLE, and so no thank you. I only accept invitations that include my husband. Have a good day" and then hang up or close the door.

That is so rude, trying to undermine your household by sneaking in the backdoor and targeting your wife.

rebel8

Here are some of my thoughts:

1) I agree with what the other poster said. A married couple is a social unit. It is considered very poor etiquette not to invite one member of that unit to a social event, unless it's guys-only or women-only by its nature. JWs are supposed to be polite, yet they were very impolite in inviting only your wife. They never have an answer as to why they are not polite, so it's worth asking them why.

2) When I read your letter, I wasn't sure what outcome you were wanting. You basically stated you were curious as to why they did certain things--did you want an answer as to why? Ask more directly--"Please provide me with a response by mail or email." (But say you get a response, then what?)

Do you want them to stop contacting you and your wife altogether? Say so--"Due to your failure to observe common etiquette and the headship structure as described in the Bible, my wife and I have made a firm decision to cease all contact with JWs. We request you respect our decision."

rebel8

PS--Isn't there a scripture somewhere about the devil trying to get between a husband and wife and splitting them up? That would be very good to quote in this letter.

Letter to elder, does it make any sense?

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