I choked

Seeking Knowledge

and I don't know why. I have done up a letter to my ex asking him to cease & desist with cramming his "religion" down our sons throat and also to stop our son from calling his wife "mom" and other issues that he's in violation of our custody order with. It was a nice letter, I told him knock it off or we're going to mediation (in our custody agreement as well) to figure it out. This was at the advise of my attorney. I went in last nite to pick up my son, intent on handing him the letter and leaving, and I couldn't do it. I have no idea why I freaked out. I cannot talk to my Ex without his wife being there & inputting her spin on things, she was there, I just couldn't do it. Not like I'd be there waiting for him to finish the letter & comment. What am I so afraid of? Confrontation!! I feel like such a wimp.

SK

JustTickledPink

some times you don't always need to mail or send the letter. Maybe in this case you needed to write the letter. Maybe the day will come when you're ready to actually act on the issues.

In the meantime, talk to your son, keep giving him a balanced view of things. It will ultimately be up to him what he believes.

frenchbabyface

and also to stop our son from calling his wife "mom"

uh ??? !!! that would more than BOTHER ME DAMNIT !!! (I understand you very well)

Ok ... (this might take time to get there - everybodys different) But What you have to remember when you feel like you may have to get into confrontation ... IS THAT ACTUALLY NOTHING CAN FORCE YOU TO GET THERE (if you are not ready) Nothing worse than somebody (who is right) and don't even bother answering (in getting into arguments)... never heard about something like " word is silver, silence is gold " ... (actually most of the time confrontation are not even necessary ...) and if you're the kind of personne who doesn't feel confortable with it ... don't bother AT ALL !

If you know you are right (there is no reason for you to not being confident in yourself ... no matter who's in front of you : and when you get that IT IS VISIBLE - to the point that the other one can feel it - they are the one who will be intimidated)

I use this strategy from time to time (when I don't feel to talk AT ALL) ... believe me it works (it's a strategy like an other)

Seeking Knowledge

too right Frenchie!! I tend to react instead of act sometimes. I should give him the letter. The whole "mom" thing is spite..actually pretty much everything he does is out of spite. I just don't want my son to suffer at the hands of his idiot father.

My attorney agreed, which is why she suggested the letter, let him know I'm serious and if he continues then I have more in my favor should we go back to court, which I think we are going to end up there. He's passive aggressive and when I say sh*t he says sugar. I get so frustrated. I try talking to him he just nods, and well, most of the time his beast wife does most of the talking for him, and it never is about my son. After the last time, I'm determined to NEVER respond to her again. This "mom" thing is just plain disrespectful, as is the ex & the beast.

Thanks for the advice guys...I'll probably end up handing this to him tonite at some point. I'll just happen to drop by!

bebu

Seeking,

Why not bring a friend along--one who can quietly be there on the doorstep with you, to simply help you keep your resolve to give him the letter? It's good for morale, and great for company for blowing off steam a little, too. I do hope you have someone who can fill the bill...

I think it would be a good idea to keep all conversation to bare essentials; let the letter do the talking, after you leave. If the wife wants to start yakking and sounding clever, simply let her. Imagine you've got a thick, waterproof-type skin which lets all her words roll off harmlessly. Just nod your head slightly, if at all... then go.

You can do it... and if your attorney said it is good, then focus on that and DO it. Timeliness really counts in court. If you wait too long, it could be argued that you were actually satisfied with the status quo...!

(((HUG))) and Good luck!!!!

bebu

Heatmiser

Send it Registered and a signature required. That way if they breach it in any way they can't say they never got the letter. It would be your word against thiers. Always do legal documents this way so you have proof it was recieved.

Seeking Knowledge

BRILLIANT...I'll do just that!! I wanted to do that in the first place, but I thought it would be better received if I handed it to him. Always go with your first instinct!!

Bebu..your advise is great, she sees me as a monster, why not be one for her with thick scales! I have learned my lesson with her from the last time, I won't let her have another moment of my time, nothing she says has anything to do with my son anyway so there is no reason for her to bother...me either! I will bite my tounge & walk away....

Off to the post office I go!!

SK

kgfreeperson

Hmmm. They can refuse to accept the registered letter. What is one's legal recourse if they do?

Seeking Knowledge

and they probably would....actually all the registered mail thing would prove is I sent him an envelope come to think about it. Ok...I'll be taking it to him myself and with a friend. That way if I flake out, she (who has already said she'll kick my ass) will hand it to him for me.

Such a trivial thing...but he does this to me! Thanks guys!

bebu

Would it be better to have someone with you who can witness your handing the document, in case they both deny it was received? Hmmmm....

Oh yes-- does he have a lawyer? Give it to him/her. That's what one neighbor (not JW) eventually did with making house payments to a scum lease-holder (who was trying to get out of their contract, so wouldn't cash her lease/rent checks). She couldn't weasel out of pretending that way.

bebu

I choked

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