seeking help

by stopthepain 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • stopthepain

    I have never sought out proffesional help.I guess the way I am is part of that stubborn old school mentality of"I don't need any help".I think I can fight through alot of my feelings.As a raised,insecure,unhappy,negative ex Jw child,do members on this forum think someone such as myself should seek psycological help(even if yes,why?)Why can't I fully move on?Does just vocalizing these issues help?

    I know the answer,but I'm afraid to deal with it.I guess I'm just having a bad day.I'm glad I have this meesage board .Youve all been great,sorry to bother with my pitifull emotions,

  • coldfish

    Hi there,

    I'm not sure what type of issues you're dealing with. I reckon just chatting in discussion boards like this can be therapeutic and you can see that others have been thru similar stuff to yourself and how they're coping. And its good to be able to air your emotions instead of keeping them bottled up.

    If your issues are deeper or more serious you may want to consider counselling. There may be other causes for why you are the way you are. I know JW life is screwed up but I don't believe that you can blame every insecurity and problem one has purely on that type of upbringing - a lot have been raised JW's, have left and get over it fairly quickly. That is why counselling might help determine what your issues are and how to resolve them.

    All the best


  • londoner


    I'v only been using the site for 3 days an I feel better already, I was begining to thing there was somethin wrong with me untill I realised there were others experiancing the same.

    Did tou see my post , why I left after 50yrs a JW. I had over 40 genuine messages from here in 2 days, the healing has finally started.

    Your not alone, thinking of you .


  • Low-Key Lysmith
    Low-Key Lysmith

    I too have just discovered this site recently. It took me about 10 years to finally stop feeling guilty about not believing the JW rhetoric anymore. I made up for it by using drugs/alcohol/sex as a buffer. I have finally been at complete peace with myself for about the past three years and I can honestly say that I have no regrets. As for the distance now between my family and old friends, 100% THEIR LOSS! I have learned and grown so much since I decided not to let guilt run my life anymore. If there really is a God who is the embodiment of love, does it seem logical that He will strike me down? I'm not a bad guy, I try to help people out whenever I can, I don't lie, cheat or steal, I've never killed anyone, I dont covet my neighbor's wife or his bull. etc. etc. It woud seem that you are suffering from my same problem a few years ago. What if they're right? was a question going through my head all the time. I still felt guilty to some extent even celebrating birthdays and holidays. The key word is GUILT. It will eat you alive if you let it. Learning how to give yourself some credit and feel good about your decisions is the key. A therapist cannot give you this, you have to do it on your own. Stick with JWD. I can truly say that if I had known about this site sooner, It would have given me the opportunity to vent some of my fears and guilty feelings. I think the road to recovery would have been a lot shorter. You are a strong, healthy person who has been brainwashed your whole life. It will take time to heal. Just love yourself unconditionally. Give yourself credit for making the right decision. It will only get better from here.


  • bebu


    Counselors can do even better than JWD by their being there in person, by hearing out the whole darn story, and by giving you resources and questions you may have never asked yourself yet. Tailored to you. You might wish you had gone earlier!

    Some counselors are aware of JW issues, or even just cult-exiting issues. Don't know where you are in the states, but if you gave a region, it might be someone is aware of a good counselor in your area and could pm you the name...


  • gr8peace

    For me it is a matter of trust. I trusted the JWs and I felt betrayed and I began to doubt my ability to make good decisions. I am raising two kids by myself and caring for my elderly mother-in-law because my husband died and I became afraid I would let everyone down. I shut down. It did no good for anyone to talk to me because I could not trust anyone. For me being here every day sometimes twice a day, laughing when they laugh and crying when they cry and mostly being angry when others are for the same reasons I am has helped heal me. It takes time and we all go at our own speed. This is a healing place.


  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    When my wife left the organization, she saw a psychologist (for nearly a year). It was that hard. What helped her was to be able to vent to someone and get some things out. Like I said on another thread, therapy doesn't change what happened to you but it can change how you feel about what happened. That's an important difference.

    I was in therapy for 7 years. I'd rather have my teeth drilled before I do it again, but I also know it was necessary and I probably wouldn't be alive today if I hadn't sought out help.

    If you do decide to see a therapist, get a recommendation (doctor, friends, etc.). Don't let your fingers do the walking in the yellow pages. Also finding a therapist is a bit like dating, if you find one that you can connect with it's like magic and a lot of good can be done in a short time.


  • Billygoat

    YES! I'm a huge advocate of getting professional help. When you find the right one (like Big Tex said above) it can really do wonders to the speed of your healing. Discreetly get some recommendations from friends, coworkers, etc. and then be prepared to try a couple out before you find the one that is good for you.

  • scootergirl

    Chris you are oh so right about finding the right therapist. I was in and out of therapy for about 10 yrs. Some counselors didn't click w/me...but there were some that I really really liked. Trick is to find one that you are comfortable with. The ones that I "clicked" w/I still remember some of the things that they said. Some of the advice that I still draw on from time to time. One thing that I have encouraged people to ask about a therapist is if they are trained in "cult exiting". I believe that can make a difference if you are at a place where you want to delve into the issues of being involved in an organization such as the dubs. A lot of our lives are riddled w/dysfunction and codependency, low self esteem, anger and confusion due to our past. There are many that are skilled to address those issues.

    I thoroughly believe in professional help. Sometimes having a neutral party that will not pass judgement and truely offers a listening ear w/out getting caught up in their emotions is what is needed to focus on our emotions. Even the strongest can struggle sometimes. I belive the worse enemy that can make a person struggle more is pride in feeling that no matter how much help that they need that they can do it alone. I'm all for trying it alone, but if that isn't working it maybe time to try a different approach.

    Another thing that I have found helpful is to find people who can relate..who truely understand. Not everyone can. That isn't a slam to them...just a reality. A sense of not feeling alone helps. When you meet those w/the same backgrounds or similiaries, you can learn a lot from those that are further ahead in your journey of healing. And if you are lucky enough you can reinforce your healing by helping those behind you. It all comes full circle.

  • franklin J
    franklin J

    stop the pain,

    we have all been there. The pain and the fog does eventually lift. There are competent people out there ( therapist) who can help you find your way. No one should have to go through this alone.

    This board IS a help; but alone is not enought. You NEED to develope new friendships and have new; positive life experiences to forget the JW negativity.

    A therapist will help you find your way and help you to think positively. Think of them as a life raft in a storm.

    IT CAN BE DONE. Good luck, hang in there and take each day at a time, Frank

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