Are you my Daddy?

outbutnotdown

Here's my situation:

I have four children (10,7,6,4). My wife (now ex-wife) and I were not getting along very well five years ago. She was continuously going out to a 19-20 year-old type of bar and insisted that I not come.

Shortly after my 4 year-old was born she told me that she was not mine. She said it while we were in an argument, so I was leaning towards believing her when she said it was only said to "piss me off". Then, within a couple of months, she said it again. This was in a regular discussion, not said out of anger. Later, she tried to suggest that she only said it because I kept "bugging her" by asking for the truth.

Regardless of her thoughts/actions...... it leaves me not knowing if my youngest daughter is my child or not.

For all the men out there, what would you do? I hope not too many people have experienced this first hand, but if you have, please tell me what you did and how it worked out.

For all the women, assuming you were a mean person like my ex , which I am sure none here are , what would you think would be reasonable for your spouse to do? I guess you may have to make two choices... 1) what if your spouse/ex-spouse is not the Daddy.... and ....2) you only ever said it to piss him off..... what would you do to make amends?

I say make amends because, in all honesty, this was a very painful thing for me to go through and my ex-wife's lack of acceptance of her responsibility was the main reason that I made the choice to leave her for good.

By the way, none of my children know ANYTHING about this.

Brad

Valis

you could get a paternity test, but even in the eyes of the law, it might be seen that she will still be seen as your child and your responsibility. Really sad for you and everyone involved.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Elsewhere

http://www.gtldna.com/paternitytest.html

$155.00 DNA Paternity test.

Seeking Knowledge

Tempting as it may be with my ex....It would do more harm than good to say something like that to him, it would be devastating and would probably come back on our son somewhere down the line. If I were unsure, I would tell him straight up and point him in the direction of the nearest clinic to get a paternity test. In my state, if your name is on the birth certificate, you are assumed to be the father regardless and therefore responsible for any child support, insurance, etc.

Sorry to hear your ex is so nasty, leave the kids out of it. Sounds to me she knows right where to hurt you.

SK

Swan

By the way, none of my children know ANYTHING about this.

Whatever you do make sure it stays that way. No matter what her mother may have done or not, the child is innocent. Children will pick up on this kind of stuff and it could cause abandonment issues to haunt them later on in life.

Do you love your youngest child? Maybe that's all you need to focus on.

My best wishes to you and your children.

Tammy

seeitallclearlynow

I've never been any good at what ifs, Brad, sorry; but I think I might try the paternity test, just so you would know for sure; and then, regardless of the result, still consider the little girl your own child.

I really, really enjoyed the movie "Author, Author!" and recommend it to you. The man had an extremely selfish and self-indulgent wife, and only one child with her; but all her other children loved him and wanted to be with him and how could he refuse them?

All the best to you in this very trying situation Brad.

outbutnotdown

I've never been any good at what ifs, Brad, sorry; but I think I might try the paternity test, just so you would know for sure; and then, regardless of the result, still consider the little girl your own child.

seeitallclearlynow,

I would have to say, "yes, you do see it clearly." This is what I WANT to do. However, there are reasons why I may decide NOT to do this. I'll explain later, after more people give me other ideas. I really want to see if there are other ideas that I have not thought of.

Thanks for your comments and concerns so far.....

Brad

outbutnotdown

you could get a paternity test, but even in the eyes of the law, it might be seen that she will still be seen as your child and your responsibility.

Valis,

This is actually good news, potentially.

Brad

Incense_and_Peppermints

For all the women, assuming you were a mean person like my ex , which I am sure none here are , what would you think would be reasonable for your spouse to do? I guess you may have to make two choices... 1) what if your spouse/ex-spouse is not the Daddy.... and ....2) you only ever said it to piss him off..... what would you do to make amends?

i would think that there's some truth in it somewhere...i've never said this to my son's daddy, even in the throes of an argument. and then for her to say it again in passing, well, there just doesn't seem to be any logical reason for it, unless she's trying to tell you something, or plant a seed of doubt in your mind. if it IS true, she's wronging you and your child, and if it's NOT true, she's playing some heinious headgame on you.... as for making amends, what could she say to make amends?

*tsk i read things like this and i'm ashamed to call myself a woman...errr...

happyout

Wow, I'm sorry you have to go through this. As a woman, I would never NEVER never say this to my husband / baby daddy, no matter how angry I was. I think (my opinion only) that for her to have said it, and said it more than once, may indicate that there is at least a chance that you are not the father.

As for the paternity test, I guess it depends on what you want to get out of it. If you love the little girl, and would consider her your daughter regardless of the biology, why bother? If it turns out that she IS your daughter, there is the potential that your ex-wife could use your taking the test as a way of turning your daughter against you at a later date. And, she may try to stop any visitation you currently have if you take a test that proves she's not yours.

Not an easy situation by any means. All I can do is wish you the best, and beg you, please, do whatever you possibly can not to hurt that little girl. None of this is her fault.

Happyout - so not understanding some women

Are you my Daddy?

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