After 6 Years My Mom Calls??!!??

by Gretchen956 10 Replies latest social family

  • Gretchen956


    Partner: hello?
    Woman's Voice: To WHOM am I speaking?
    Partner: To whom am I speaking?
    Voice: Is this Sherry?
    Partner: Hang on, I'll get her for you.

    I haven't heard from my mom in six years, my mom has told my family I am demonized (and she doesn't even know I'm pagan!!), but she cut me off specifically because I am gay.

    I had called my youngest brother the other day to get her phone number because I was filling out a family health history and I needed to fill in some blanks. And, after all, it is THEIR rules not mine. But I couldn't get through. So mom heard I had been calling them and decides that is a good reason to break her silence.

    For 45 minutes she chitty chats with me about various family members, liberally sprinkled with "theocratic" references, assemblies, brother and sister so&so's, etc. She did not ask me specifically about my life ONE time!! Particularly funny though was this one particular interchange when she references my youngest brother (whom a few from this area have met) and she claims he called her in the middle of the night to tell her he had a boyfriend. (He is married.) She goes on about how devastated and heartbroken she and my dad are to find out that one of their children is gay. Now mind you my oldest brother came out when he was 18 and he is in he is currently 55 years old. I have been out for six years. The fact that the situation didn't happen makes me think she wanted me to engage in some sort of argument or conversation about it in which she could then lament my fate. I just told her that someone must have been playing a joke on her because he is NOT gay.

    About 3/4 of the way through the conversation Kim is cracking up laughing and whispers to me that I have been (the whole time) saying the words "gosh" and "darn", guess that went on automatic pilot I wasn't even aware of it!

    At any rate, I didn't offer anything except that I was well and happy, I didn't argue with her at any time nor rise to any bait. Which, if you knew me would astound you! She and I have butted heads all our life! The truly amazing thing though was that not once was I stressed, or anxious, or pissed or anything else. If anything I was laughing to myself about the whole thing, it really is comical once you don't take it on personally.

    After I hung up I told Kim, well she's going to have to say a good half dozen extra prayers to purge THAT guilt!


  • Fleur

    Aww, I'm sorry about that Sherry. You know, I think that JW family members are kinda like dogs sometimes, they howl at the moon when it's in a particular orbit or a satellite goes over their house or something LOL. Or kind of like how cats will suddenly just run out of a room for no reason. They don't know why they do what they do, they just do it.

    I hope the rest of your evening was uninturrupted peacefulness.



  • Special K
    Special K

    Hey Sherry,

    Gosh, darn and dag-nabbit!.. all good wholesome words when talking with ones mother.

    I'm really glad that it wasn't an emotional roller coaster call.

    It sounds like your mom has finally fit into the right slot in your mind. Your mom..but not the controller of your emotion. It's interesting that you were amused with her call but still respectful too.

    all the best to you

    Special K

  • maybesbabies

    Sherry, so glad it wasn't hurtful for you!!! You have been on your own and so strong for so long, so it's no wonder that you were able to deal with it!! You are, after all, an extremely strong and capable woman! As for what she said about you brother being gay, LOL!!! That's too funny! I've talked to your brother on several occasions, and even a blind person would know his orientation. He talks about his wife all the time, lol! Hang in there sweet lady, maybe this will lead to something better with your mom (hey, it could happen... :D). ((((((Sherry)))))) Say hi to your honey for us!!!

  • carefully faded
    carefully faded


    You handled that beautifully. I am working very hard to ensure my interactions with my Mom are similar to yours going forward.

    I have been purposely bringing up and talking about my issues with the religion regardless of the fact that I know this upsets my Mom. It finally dawned on me just yesterday, when I asked myself, "what am I trying to gain out of these debates". My mom is an older woman (mid seventies), widowed, not very social. Her entire life revolves around the "truth" and her kids. I honestly don't want to take away her beliefs and faith. . . so I kept asking myself, why do I continually try to convince her of my beliefs. I finally realized that I am probably doing this because I want/need to hear from her that she's ok with my beliefs - and that she loves me regardless.

    I am coming to terms with the fact that I'm not going to hear this from her, and I could chose to continue to cause a further riff between us by continually debating the issues, or I can let it go and be thankful for the fact that she hasn't cut me out of her life, and she has stopped the guilt trips. I'm choosing to let it go!

    Thanks for sharing your experience with your Mom. Glad it went well.

    - CF (of the "Life is a series of continual refinements" class

  • Gretchen956

    Essie, it wasn't sad at all, actually, thats what was so great about it. I can finally say I got all over that. My parents were abusers (not sexually) so it took me a long time to forgive them. It's actually been a very healing and restful 6 years! I did learn to forgive them in that time because they really are ignorant people who are kept ignorant by their religion. That part is sad.

    Carefully, I hear you! Thats when you have to agree to disagree. Not that you can't plant seeds, but you just have to watch for the right time. They're old and set in their ways, just as long as they don't push us around I say take it for what it is.

    Maybes, I knew you'd crack up over that part about Cory! Whats more, he had supposedly called her from church! I really think it was a buddy of his that he had had a falling out with that was playing a mean joke. I about spit my cocoa when I heard he was supposed to be at church when he called. Who knows, maybe she was trying to see if I'd feed her any information about him. That didn't work either.

    I read threads on here about people's parents calling them and I just really didn't think mine would ever bend that much as to actually call me.

    Life is strange some days.


  • StinkyPantz

    .. but did you get the medical history you needed?

  • Billygoat


    I'm so glad it was a good experience. I hope to have those someday. But like you, I am purposely "divorcing" my parents so I can heal. Funny thing is, when I finally put my foot down and said, "No more. I'm taking care of myself" I really began to heal. I took care of myself like I would have a small child. I wouldn't let my parents treat my child the way they did, why would I let them treat me that way? So I quit communicating. They call me now and again, but I keep it as fluffy and impersonal as possible. And like your mom, my parents tell about what's going on with them...they rarely ask about my life. Which I'm fine with. I don't know if I want to share that with them anymore.

    You know, I think that JW family members are kinda like dogs sometimes, they howl at the moon when it's in a particular orbit or a satellite goes over their house or something LOL. Or kind of like how cats will suddenly just run out of a room for no reason. They don't know why they do what they do, they just do it.

    Essie - this just cracks me up! My cats do that all the time. LOL!

  • frenchbabyface

    ... ... ((())) ...

  • LittleToe


    .. but did you get the medical history you needed?

    ROFL Sherry:Sorry I didn't get to see ya last month.

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