which is worse.....?

by undercover 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  undercover

  From time to time some of you post letters/emails, etc that you receive from family/friends urging you to come back to the "truth", Jehovah, whatever. Even though the intentions of the sender is misguided, it is apparent that they must have some affection or feeling for you to bother to send the letter.

  Others get no letters, no calls, no inquiries. They have made what would seem, to some at least, the perfect fade.

  So in the style of minimus, I ask: Which is better; to fade away without so much as a whimper made which means nobody cared about us to begin with which helps to fade away quietly or getting besieged with concerned filled letters and calls indicating that somebody does care, but makes it harder to fade away?
• 

  jwbot

  Sometimes I wish people cared, even if they wanted what THEY wanted for me...but to know they care would be nice.
• 

  chok

  hmmm, thats a tricky one.

  I have been fading for just over a year, and in that time I have had about 5 letters/cards of encouragement. I dont mind the letters that say we are missing you and it would be nice to see you again. But I do get annoyed when I get cards saying how upset I am making my parents, because I think that just starts going down the whole emotional blackmail line, which is wrong!

  A lot of time when my parents mention people now asking for me, I just say "Well I havent moved! They know where I live".

  Funny, noone seems to remember my address.

  Chok
• 

  buffalosrfree

  I for one believe that the fade is successful based on the amount of "friends" you have in the troooth. The more friends "clique friends" you have the less successful the fade. The less friends, then no one notices that you are fading until you're gone. Its like moving away, they forget oh so quickly.

  Keeping ones head below the horizon, makes one easier to forget. They may remember the Van you had for going out in service "meaning they didnt have to pay for the gas", but when all is said and done they the so called friends forget just as quickly as the elders do.

  Out of sight out of mind, the lost sheep can damn well stay that way. Buff
• 

  outbutnotdown

  I would say that it is worse to not get any letters. But I also never "faded" either. I went out with a big df'ing bang.

  But I still think it would be better to know that people care. That way you can at least say that you care back, but that you respectfully disagree with their teachings and you can allow them to do the same.

  Yup, IMO, it's better to be bothered by a misguided JW than it is to never get anything.

  Brad
• 

  MonkeyPrincess

  hmmm, that is a difficult question. I suppose it would be better to know that you are not forgotton and that people that are out there thinking of you, rather than always wondering if you were ever loved.
  Yes, i think its better to be thought of (even if it is with witness literature and letters) than to not be thought of at all.
  It wont make one feel so alone in the world.
  
  Just my take on it. I have been out of the org for over 5 years now, and not one elder to call or come to see how i was doing.

  MonkeyPrincess
• 

  unclebruce

  Sometimes I wish people cared, even if they wanted what THEY wanted for me...but to know they care would be nice.

  I care - now get your arse back to the Kingdom Hall jwbot!!

  unc who faded faster than a chinese t shirt

  ps: I got a few heavy well meaning letters .. but mail from teary eyed men and blubbering sisters couldn't drag me back!! ... l let that elastic stretch till it snapped .. and got flung into the big wide worldly thing..
• 

  upside/down

  The b*tch for me is that I CARED for them. I would have taken a bullet for any of my bro's and sis. As a matter of fact a few times I did!

  Jesus said there was no greater love.... I had it.

  To find out it NEVER was reciprocated is crushing (betrayal?). Who doesn't want to be wanted and loved?

  To fade without even being noticed is to be dishonored! That's why the Dubs shun- to dishonor you. The only one who has that right is your Maker. Disarm their weapon by making REAL friends, that HONOR you!

  Shame on them!

  u/d
  
  
  
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  Undecided

  Sometimes I question myself if I really loved the brothers or was it just borg fever. I didn't care if they called me or not after I left. I'm sort of independant I guess. I don't have many people I would call real friends but I like being around quite a few different ones.

  I've been called on by almost all the elders, as well as COs and DOs. I soon forget the visit and go about life as usual. My wife says I'm self centered, but sometimes it's necessary or you will be taken advantage of by your family. I usually give what help I can(my daughter-in-law called the other day and asked if the taxie service was open today). We pick up the grandkids from school, drive them to the doctor, etc so much that her remark was appropriate. I spend more money on gas for them than I use for myself. I sometimes say no to their request if it is not a real need and I am tired.

  Ken P.
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  scootergirl

  If given the choice, I would sooner fade away w/out any notion of insincere caring. I do not have time for hypocrites. So no encouragement would be better to me than encouragement only for the reason of returning to the borg.