Head of the house? Who?

by upside/down 26 Replies latest jw friends

  • upside/down

    I have read in different threads, comments to the effect of married Dub males as being despotic, tyrannical lords of their domain. And I'm sure in many istances this is true. I had NEVER heard of men (family heads) referred to in such terms before I became a Dub. My step-dad "ruled" with absolute authority and respect, but he was a hard worker, very fair and almost always put the family first. He wasn't some lazy ass tyrant and he LOVED my mom. He was completely non-religious. Although quite "imperfect" he was truly a "man."

    But in my entire 20 years in the bOrg. I witnessed the exact opposite. Almost all brothers were "whipped", their wives were hard core b*tches, they ran the "show" usually from behind the scenes. Elderettes were the order of the day. I have never met women(as a group) that were so mean spirited, bullyish, unloving, domineering, catty, liars, gossipers, slanderers and immature (even old ones). They "rode" their husbands and families hard. I would always puke when a speaker would go on about how "wonderful" our sisters were. Don't get me wrong there were a few good sisters, but the b*tchy ones kept them in their "places".

    This isn't a woman bashing thread. I KNOW there are @$$hole Dub husbands out there. But most of the ones I knew were mousy and wimpish as opposed to....absolute dictator (as the mags always so fondly compared them to). I've also never seen a group so obsessed with identifying and extolling "the head". I never heard my dad or any of the other "dads" of my friends while growing up refer to or even discuss this, it was just understood.

    So in your experience who was the head? (please omit- extreme instances of physical abuse)


  • Mulan

    This made me chuckle. You sure summed it up nicely, and I agree with you.

    There are some men who are in charge of their families, but many are definitely run by their wives. The congregation we used to attend is very much run by behind the scenes wives.

  • xjw_b12

    After reading that, the term "God's Wifely Organization" popped into my head.

    Maybe there is a Mrs. Jehovah, and she's really the one who is running things. Could explain why the Mr. J seems to be so pissed a lot of the time.

  • upside/down

    You may have touched on something here... The "God" of the OT wasn't psychotic and vengeful,

    He just needed to get laid!

    Now I get it


  • Mary

    I think it varies from congregation to congregation. In my Hall, the women are mostly a bunch of self-serving, competitive, bulimic, nagging bitches (who have never worked a day in their lives, but they bitch at their husbands when their paycheques aren't big enough).

    Then again, I've seen congregations where the men definitely rule the roost............

  • franklin J
    franklin J

    INteresting post...

    i think much of this has to do with ( aside from the brainwashing of what a respective "good" spouse should be) how well educated the subject is....Since the JWs encourage marriage so very young; most of these newly married ( teenagers?) do not fully understand the dynamics of a relationship and most likely will never experience one.

    Unfortunately for them; they will never learn for themselves how to resolve their own "issues" ; without elder intervention.


  • stopthepain

    my mother ran the show in my house,I have resentesd my father for years for it,he wanted to be the bitch,less desicion making for him.every once in a while he'd pull out the old"im the head of the house"when it suited his purposes.

  • upside/down

    franklin j- so true.

    I didn't understand that the Dubs have "referees" (elders) for almost everything, including marital relations. What a shock as a "new" christian husband when I got a call from the elders that they needed to "discuss" some stuff with me AND my wife. She had called them, without first discussing matters with me!! WTF? This was all NEW to me. Submissive "dumb-ass" that I was I went along. Imagine my shock when they wanted to discussed "sexual" matters between me and my new Dub bride. Oral, positions, frequency (or lack of)- boy they put me in my "place".

    My wife played "the body" like a fiddle. Find out later that the apple don't fall far from the tree- her mom and dad did the same!

    Live and learn- NEVER AGAIN,

    u/d Pulling My Hair Out

  • franklin J
    franklin J


    your post brought back some -not so pleasent- memories.

    As a kid growing up as a JW; I had 2 older sisters who were also ( like I later became) full time pioneers. Both of their husbands were elders. One of my sisters and her husband were always having marital problems; and were constantly dragging themselves to the elders for remediation. My father was also an elder and was always trying to referee.

    As a kid; it was a negative impression for me in so many ways; I knew that I could never be in any relationship like that. It was negative and destructive and I instinctively knew that it would not last. It did not and after 13 years she divorced him. She had been fading (like me) and met someone else ( a "wordly" guy) and WHAM! the JW husband was out the door with a quickie divorce.

    I did not marry until I was 30 years old and had experienced several REAL ( all non JW) relationships. I knew what I was doing and my marriage has very different results than all the JW ones I saw growing up. As for the "head of the house" my wife and I laugh at that wone as we try to balance the power between us and our children ( who are going to hunt us and conquer; if we are not careful---these kids are ruthless).

  • HappyDad

    What Mulan said was how it was in the cong. I went to.

    There are some men who are in charge of their families, but many are definitely run by their wives. The congregation we used to attend is very much run by behind the scenes wives.

    One "sister" actually made this comment at a WT study just to get a little chuckle from the audience.

    "The man is the head of the house but the woman is the neck........and the neck can turn the head any way it wants to."

    When you think about it......that's about how it goes!


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