dearest Peggy, I applaud your courage and honesty. Most people aren't that open about this topic. Some find it plain offensive and others just ignore it and hopes it goes away and there are others who really need to hear the honesty of others before they themselves open up and discuss this issue with true feelings.
It is a sad state of affairs when drinking destroys and hurts families mentally emotionally and finacially. And spiritually. Using the example of my early childhood my father was a hopeless alcoholic. Mean and vicious was his middle name. And no one got in his face. He began drinking at age 14 and was a heavy drinker if not an alcoholic buy the time he married my mother of 15 years of age. She was completely unhappy in her own home. Much of her pain was self inflicted. She was always in trouble and hung out with losers. She also drank but was more so into heavy anphetamines. Uppers and downers. Living with my dad was not a sweet picnic. He would come home everynight of the week stoned drunk and the second he turned the engine off on his dump truck he would pass out. Its any wonder he was never in an accident. Plain lucky I guess. My mother every night had to drag into the house. I was young around 5-6 yrs old and remember those days like it was yesterday. When he came around he'd start drinking again. His alcoholism was so bad that everynight my mother called the family doctor and he would come to our home and give my mom a lecture about how much of a loser my dad was and to give him a B12 injection. He often beat mom and she took his rage so that he wouldn't hit me or my sisters. He was so violent. He would take things in the apartment that my mother loved and he smash and break anything that was precious to her. I use to think to myself, how long mom are you going to put yourself and us kids at risk? Will one of us have to die. I have to tell you I hated my father so very much. When my fathers health was so bad, with hepatitis and cirroccis of the liver, jaundiced and pure miserable through and through he knew he had to change. He promised mom he'd do it too. He went to AA, went once to a meeting and never went back again. He thought they were fanatics and too religious according to him. He dispised religion. His mother and father converted to JWs' when he was 14, but by the time he was in his thirties and dying he knew he had to do something drastic. He said he didn't want to die. Visitations to his parents home were few and far between. I think he suffered from shame for all that he had done to mom and us. Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think so .
I must admitt that in this instance when you have two parents like mine, so screwed up with booze and drugs it takes its toll on children particularily the fetus to be precise.
I went through a stage of heavy drinking myself and am not proud of myself, but it wasn't something that I intented to do for the rest of my life as I had seen the anguish it leaves on the family. In fact funny thing, when our family did become witnesses(MY Parents) and then when I was an adult my mom and dad found it there God given right to counsel me about my drinking to the point of them seeing me reproved by the congregation. So I was only drunk twice in my life. I know and have said this many times in the past my father didn't like me very much. I stopped drinking for a while in fact I do drink today, but very rarely. Basically on dart night or the holidays. Now my third sister is the alcoholic of the family. She lives in Ottawa. Her husband and her fight over who is going to have the last drop of wine from dinner. Its rather disgusting to watch them. They also drink heavily with beer and other alocholic beverages. It reminds me of watching my dad. Its too bad because she has now become a diabetic and she eats inncessantly. Its on thing to be obsese because of eating the wrong kind of foods but its another thing all together different when all you do is eat and eat all the food in sight. Their food and drinking manners are deplorable. I would never eat out in public with them. Having in the past family getogethers was a true embarrassment to our family and all our family friends. They just can't see it for themselves. Now my sister who lives five minutes from me she drinks but she doesn't overindulge or get drunk.. Nor does my sister in Australia.
You know the thing that suprises me is that my other sisters have no recollection of the days my father was so terrible and an alcoholic. They are lucky that they don't remember as they are all younger.
Man Peggy, I could go on and on, but I don't want to drag it all out. Its an awlful illness. Now one makes you drink except ones onself. Fighting an addiction can be nasty business. I wish that every person who is dealling with alcoholism the best in life and I hope that you all can get the assistance and love and care you need , be it a parent a friend or an organization. Just so long as we get the help we need. Never feel ashamed or that you are a loser. Because that is a defeated attitude. We are all a pretty caring group who have come from all walks of live and their experiences. We all need a good hug now and then and to be assured we are deeply cared for and loved.
I want to tell you more but I don't want to horde. I know its long already. For those who are battling an addiction of any sort, I pray for you that you have the strenght to rebuilt your self your esteem and your own mental and emotional health. And then physical health will improve too.
Love to all
