by peggy 20 Replies latest jw friends

  • peggy

    I went to the meeting today. I had to force myself to go. I entered late, sat with a friend. I wanted to see and hear how the watchtower on alcohol was handled. You see, I am an alcoholic. I began drinking at age 13. I was raised with a mother who was a/is a JW and a father who is not. I struggled with the problems in our family over religion, but made the choice to work at being a witness and got baptized at age 16. I married at 18. That is when the drinking began again. My husband was 21 and all of his friends in the cong. were in their late 20's. We spent the next 20 plus years as serious social drinkers. I have such shame over my conduct. The fact that my husband was later made an elder and he and other elder families abused alcohol. I stopped drinking six years ago, and my marriage began to fall apart. My husband continued as an elder but refused to stop drinking. I believe the other elders supported him in this. Some of those people were in the audience today.

    My husband stepped down from his position of elder almost three years ago. He blamed me for this. He continues to drink, and moved out of our home March of last year. Alcohol destroyed my family.

  • garybuss

    Alcohol made me sick, Witnessism tried to destroy my family.

  • bebu

    What were your impressions of how the topic was handled?


  • BrendaCloutier

    {{{ Peggy }}}

    I'm an alcoholic in recovery, too.

    I got bapt. at 14, married at 18, and my husband had a drinking problem. But hey, drinking was fun! He turned violent 3 years into the marriage. By then we had already "fallen away", but not before I went to the elders about his verbal abuse and alcohol abuse. Since he was of a weak family, and I was a woman, ... well, you get the idea of how it was handled.

    I divorced him after 4 more years of abuse; a suicide attempt scared the life back into me and made me a believer in divorce. That was 1982. I finally was able to realize that I had a drinking problem, the I was also abusing alcohol and that I needed help. I first went to AA on July 5, 1987. I finally got "it" May 17, 1990. It wasn't his fault. It wasn't the JW's fault. It was nobody's fault, because I have the disease of alcoholism genetically inherited from my mother (and if I knew who my father was, I may well have gotten the genes from him).

    Hon, an alky loves to blame everyone except themselves for their problems. You know, one finger pointing and 3 are pointing back. I'm sure you already know this. And especially since he is a man, in a male-dominated religion, and he has drinking cronie elder friends, he has all the enabling support he could ask for. We alki's just love to surround ourselves with a drinking enabling group.

    JW didn't ruin your marriage, it just enabled the alcoholism, because they don't believe it is a disease (maybe they do now, I dunno). Untreated alcoholism ruined your marriage.

    I'm so sorry you're in such a tight place. I lost a marriage over a non-fatal chronic illness (FibroMyalgia) by a man who thought I was nuts instead of in pain. Afterall, I didn't have a broken leg or cancer.

    You might check out Alanon, if you haven't already. Melody Beattie and Codependent No More is excellent, too. Been there. Done that. And I wear the T-shirt today, as it still fits!

    If you need to or want to you can PM me or email me at blcloutier at yahoo dot com.

    Hugs and love


  • peggy

    Bebu, you asked how it was handled? I can't honestly say. It was information, with answers from those with the most problems. Denial is high.

  • devinsmom

    I'm sorry to hear about your family, I can relate to your situation.

    I am 24 yrs old, got married to my husband at 22 we both drank allmost daily together before I started cutting back, he kept up the same pace, he is a serious alchoholic, which I didnt realize or wouldnt admit for a long time.

    When I got pregnant last year and had to totally give up all alcohol, my husband didnt deem me fun enough to hang out with or spend any time with at all. He emotionally abandoned me when I needed him the most. I was not ready for a baby and was having a hard time accepting the fact that I was pregnant. So I decided to move out for a while to make him see what he was missing, finally after lie after lie and giving him many chances to make it right with me, I decided to end our relationship for good.

    He has put me through hell over the past year that we have been separated, I really thought he was the ONE, and he left me broken hearted and alone throughout my entire pregnancy .

    Our son is allmost 7 months old now and the best thing that ever happened to me, I have gotten no help from my deadbeat husband, he owes me over $2,000 in child support and never visits Devin or calls to see how hes doing, he's missed EVERYTHING so far and it is so sad! I'm still hurting but its getting better, I feel more hurt for my son who is missing out on having a dad. And I truly believe that my husband chose alcohol over me and our son.

    Addiction is a powerful thing I'm glad to here you've givin it up, good luck to you!-April

  • ballistic

    hmmm, drinking.. so good yet so bad. I didn't start until I left the "organisation" and had to cut down last year after it started affecting my health. The thing is, it is such a huge part of our culture for young people in the UK, my friends rarely do anything that does not involve it.

  • Golf

    I hear ya Peggy. Glad to hear you've done something aboutyour situation. I'm proud of you.

    About you saying, "I have such shame for my conduct" don't be hard on yourself. There are always exentuating circumstances.

    You staying the course is good encouragement for others. Bless you.

  • peggy

    Just don't know what to do with my status in the hall. I am inactive, angry, I attend meetings but listen in a completly different way. I am afraid to leave, and afraid to stay. I am in a struggle with myself. I could use a drink, well at least I fight it everyday. I have had a few falls. I went five years without a drink and all the problems of this last year have resulted in some relapse.

  • seven006

    ***I am afraid to leave, and afraid to stay. ***

    What are the reasons you afraid to leave? What are the reasons you are afraid to stay?

    If you need a little mind vacation to deal with some stress, I suggest standing up, bowing your head and then spinning around in a small circle as fast as you can. Little kids swear by it.


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