COMF,
As Wasasister said to me recently, it would be like trying to understand and identify with the feelings of a holocaust survivor.
Good analogy but not one I totally agree with. I think it's quite possible to understand another's life experiences, but first you must have "want to." While I didn't live through the horrors of the holocaust, I've seen plenty of documentaries on the times and, being human with family members I'd rather not say goodbye to forever, I think I can relate very well to their experience. I think the possibility of you meeting a never-been-a-dub woman who satisfies you in every other way is not an impossibility.
So, everybody... ugh, the awful delimma: do I look for an exJW lady in a distant location and try to make a long-distance relationship work? Or, do I look for a woman with all that self-esteem/honesty/love-of-life stuff, who nevertheless will never understand the JW aspect of my life?
I believe that long-distance relationships are unrealistic, for one, and terribly inconvenient in terms of time and money. I've traveled down that cul-de-sac and after all was said and done it would have been better never to have bothered. But why does it have to be an "either or" or even "both" proposition? There's a lot to be said for living your life, minding your own business and seeing what happens.
Then too, the problem may be YOU. Don't take me wrong, but maybe the ex-JW milieu that has been so important to you for the past few years may be in need of a rest. Easy for me to say, I know, but maybe putting it on the backburner (for a while at least) may enable you to be more satisfied with those who have no JW background.
Maybe it'll work itself out. Maybe I worry too much.
A good friend (a fellow Dallasite, btw, and an ex-dub) and I were talking just this past Wednesday night and he made the statement that sometimes people let life come to them rather than going at life, or something like that. His point: the former don't live have as satisfying a life. I agreed.
Worry too much? I don't think so. If something about your life is bothering you, I think you have reason to be concerned and want to do something about it. I think your concerns are very legitimate.
I used to visit Dallas three or four times a year... two of my closest friends in all the world (formerly married to each other) live there as well as a fleshly brother and sister. It's a very dynamic city with lots of interesting people. I have no doubt whatsoever that there are women in search of a thoughtful man like you who have no interest in them other than sharing a little of yourself and making some good memories. As you know, the problem comes in having your life intersect with theirs.
The one thing you don't want to do is limit your field of prospects, like JWs who will only marry other JWs and constantly lament the fact that "there's no one to marry" while surrounded by eligible men. You don't want to fall into the erroneous (imo) view that you could only be happy with an ex-JW. There's plenty of them there... I know some... but there's a whole lot more who have never been. It's something to think about.
I may be there next weekend (the 21st). I've been told of a free jazz concert in downtown Ft. Worth and I haven't been in the metro since Christmas so I'm due for a visit. If I make it and you're not doing anything, maybe we can hook up... if not at the concert, then someplace else.
peace,
todd
ps. Check your email... I'm forwarding the flyer my lady friend sent me about the concert...
