by filip 37 Replies latest jw friends
I dont feel guilt at all. I feel free (mentally). But in a way I am living a double life until I break the news to mom and pops! right?
I think Im gonna tell them soon. My mom first, cause shes more soft and I have a better relationsship with her. Then shes probably going to tell it to my dad. But then, the possibility of being kicked out of the house when I turn 18 is going to get even bigger.
As today, my dad said to me: "Whos going to support you the day you turn 18? Cause Im not."
Well Dude, I don't know what to tell you except it's time to get a job.
Hmmm! Just the thought of, waking up saturday morning, hearing the rest of the family getting ready for field service, while I can close my eyes and go to sleep again... now thats paradise!!! Especially if its raining outside...
From experience be collective and be soft in how you inform your parents don't do it like I did. When I was around 15 years old I told my dad I wasn't going to go to meetings anymore, I didn't believe in the JW religion and for that part most of the Bible, we shouted at each other, I said many cruel and negative things that really were not necessary and I only said because I was pissed off. Any how both parents were very hurt and initially my dad got negatively affected at the cong by stepping down as a servant, what is amazing is that I was oblivious to this at that time and it is until recently that I realized that this occurred. Also if you have any younger siblings, be aware that this might affect them as my younger brother stopped going as well.
Unlike you I would have kept going to the meetings since some of the kids there were nice but like many of the JW kids that go to Spanish congregations in So Cal said and still say (In comparison to the liberal English congregations) going to the meetings was like being at a strict Catholic school, No fun.
Late
filip one of my brothers felt like you do. and he told my parents he didnt want to go out in service or the meetings anymore.which my folks werent happy about, ( had a few "AS LONG AS YOU LIVE UNDER MY ROOF discussions) so they compromised.. he didnt have to go out in service, study for meetings, go to the tues, or thurs meetings but he did have to go to sunday meetings. mainly i think my folks did it to calm his drinking on sat nights down .(he didnt like going with a hangover!)
so that worked out ok, he was willing to compromise , our sundays were a family day after meetings, we 'd go to grandparents for sunday dinner or fix it at our house and have family over. it was actually a pretty good day. that worked till he was 18 and working and had his own life. then he just went on sundays every once in awhile when he felt like it (work on sunday was a good way to avoid going lol). but it kept our parents happy and well, he was still living in their house so showing them some respect and compromising didnt kill him.
Thats HIS experience, all i'm saying is.. be willing to give a little if it will calm them down. change sometimes come slowly. always stay calm and be respectful cuz that goes a LONG LONG way when dealing with parents.(if they are reasonable parents) your a young man now and will be out in the ugly world (regular ugly world not the jw evil world lol) soon enough. understand your parents want the best for you and for you to go against what they want is something we all have to face as young adults. how you handle it will be a learning experience for you and your parents. good luck
(oh btw.. the aforementioned brother is now well into his 30s , not a witness but the best kid of the lot if you ask me! he will do anything for my parents and he's closer to them than any of us are)
:But in a way I am living a double life until I break the news to mom and pops! right?
Uh, yeah, sure.
As today, my dad said to me: "Whos going to support you the day you turn 18? Cause Im not."
hmm... i wonder how he would feel if you said to him "Who's going to support you dad, the day you turn 98, old and feeble? "Cause I'm not."
As today, my dad said to me: "Whos going to support you the day you turn 18? Cause Im not."
How nice of him to warn you that as soon as you turn 18, he's going to, like the programmed robot he is only interested in salvaging his position within the congregation, that he's going to turn off his feelings for you as easily as he can turn off a light switch.
Like I\P said, ask him if that's the answer he's going to expect from you when he's 98, old a feeble, and all his WT cronies are long dead or dying and the corporation he has so much love for has no more user for him? Ask him, in front of your mother, if that's something he want you to tell her in 10 years, if,god forbid, something happens to him and you're the only one around who would care for her?
Only then, will he realize how selfish and stinging the words he's spoken to you were.
I have to agree with the honest approach on this one. Please keep in mind that you are making a decision that they will consider "life-threatening". You want your freedom, *they* want you to LIVE FOREVER. (At least that's what they think) So go easy on them, give them some space, expect them to fight, to set up rules and all that.
They'll be expecting you to get into drugs and wild parties and crazy friends. Surprise them, and be a good guy.
Wish *I* was fifteen and out of "The Truth"...
Dave
Have you thought about telling your school councilor? Explain your feelings about not wanting to be a JW and your fears of what you parents will do if you tell them. See what he/she might be able to do. Perhaps have him/her write a letter to the WTS inquiring as to how JWs respond when their children decide not to be JWs. Odds are the WTS will respond with a very politically correct letter from the PR department... they want the schools to view them as "normal". Once you have that letter from the WTS that plays things down you might be able to show it to your parents to get them to cool their jets.
Another thing....
Maybe you can ask your parents if it is true that in some countries people have persecuted JWs for not renouncing their JW religion and converting to another religion.
They will kick into "persecution is wrong" mode and tell you all about the bad things that have been done to JWs... egg them on a bit with more questions like that to get them all worked up about how wrong persecution is. Once they are in that "mode" ask them if it is equally wrong for a JW to try to use force or threats to make someone be a JW. <--- your parent's reaction
You don't have to take it any further than that... just make a point... don't tell them anything you don't really want them to know yet. Maybe this will get them to start thinking.
