ARHG!! I cant stand it!

by filip 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  filip

  Gill, what you said is really meaningfull, since you have been in that same situation. The big problem is my dad. I think that if my dad wasnt around or if he was another person, my mom would not be in the trooth. She has a good heart, but shes spritually weak.

  Actually a funny thing is, that I think that the reason why my eyes have opened so quickly, is because of my mom. She is VERY critical of the watchtower. She always have some critic to say if theres a new article or something. Shes one of the reasons why my eyes have opened to all the many, many flaws there is within the society. But she still believe in "the trooth".

  But my dad is a completely another case. He LOVES to go to the meetings. Thats right. He actually enjoys it. He should have never had children, he should more have... I dont know, been in the military as a hard-ass general giving out orders. I used to be afraid of him. Now whenever were having a conflict I can stand up to him, not like when I was a little kid and almost crapped myself everytime I saw him.

  My mom has before threatened to leave him and they have had a lot of big fights over the past years, so now hes kinder, sweeter and dont look like he wants to beat someone up. The only problem is that, now its too late. He wants soo bad to me friend, but now I wont. And that leads to a lot of conflicts sometimes.

  I think that if I bashed out and told it to him right now to his face, it would end in an uncomfortable situation. But I cant live on a lie for so many years on, pretending Im still in "the trooth". I think that it might be better for them to slowly get used to me being more and more un-spiritual. Over the past months, my spiritual-barometer has dropped significantly, but without any big conflicts, cause it has all happened so slow.

  Then some time from now, when I have slowly evolved into being "bad association", and my mom and dad are used to me being spritual weak, I can tell, and then perhaps it will be easier to accept. I'll let them know that the main reason why Im leaving the trooth, is not because I "want to taste the world", but because I dont believe in it.

  But one things is for sure: I cant for so many years pretend that Im a good witness; I have only been completely "out" for a little month or two and I already cant stand it when my dad says to me: remember to pray your night-prair. Then how the heck am I supposed to last for 3-4 years!

  Tell me what you people think about it.

  Filip
• 

  Swan

  Dear Filip,

  Please remember that your Dad is not the enemy. He is a cult member, and the CULT is the enemy. Right now what your feeling is normal for teens who are seeking ways of asserting their independence.

  I don't know what the laws are in Denmark, but your school teacher or counselor would be able to advise you better, or at least point you in the right direction. If Field Service and the Meetings are an anathema to you and you can't stand going a minute more, approach your Mom and suggest that you want to take a break for a while. Avoid direct confrontation with Dad as much as possible, but know your rights as a minor in a religiously divided household and be prepared to defend them.

  All my best to you.

  Tammy
• 

  Low-Key Lysmith

  Hang in there buddy! I was exactly your age when I started to smell the b.s. I, however was baptised. I pretty much was forced to live a double-life for I too had a Super Elder for an old man. I have to caution you not to go down the path I did. Drugs, booze, casual sex. I got disfellowshipped at 18. My entire world dropped out from under me. My extended family are all Witnesses too and I havn't spoken a word to any of them in 13 years. It's like an atom bomb going off all around you and everyone you ever knew, loved, or trusted is gone in a flash. I had to move out and find my own place while I was still in High school. I got married @ age 20 just to have something to hold on to. With all that behind me. I began to re-raise myself and develope a new way of thinking and interacting with the rest of the world around me. Over time I have done a really good job. I've got a good job, a nice house, a loving and devoted fiance, and countless friends who genuinely care about me. All in all I'm a pretty lucky guy. Just remember it will be rough until you can get out of there and make your own decisions. Ultimately, all this hardship will make you stronger. I promise.

  Breck
• 

  upside/down

  Please everyone- don't let the Dub's continue to control your views.

  I keep hearing in comments "I'm spiritually weak","she's spiritually weak", "or so and so is spiritually strong", What the hell is this?

  That is not for ANYONE to say, it's a Dub mindset. They measure the un-meaurable (spirituality) strictly by meeting attendance and "time". This is a NEGATIVE sort of mind-set control.

  Shouldn't the barometer (if there was one) be your application of being like Christ and thinking ability, reasonableness and fortitude in the face "real" opposition? Don't denigrate yourselves. The fact that you're here proves you are "conscious of your spiritual NEED".

  People here are making TOUGH decisions, while THEY remain in the "peace and security" of the bOrg.

  u/d
• 

  Panda

  Have you told your parents how tired you are of everything...even tired of life as you know it? Maybe tell your Mom first that you are mentally and physically tired. She'll tell Dad. Being tired and depressed is not unusual for teenagers. It's a combination of hormones and growth. REally I'm not kidding. That way you'll buy some time missing meetings. Also, Valis mentioned the evening employment...especially when you're in college and still living at home... Heck, no one will contradict you having to work to pay for school. Especially now when your goals are to serve the WTS as a lawyer or accountent or creative writer whatever.

  Talking to a school counselor and showing her the seriousness of the "cult" will help get other school officials rooting for you and help make plans for your future education.
• 

  filip

  Since I was a kid I have had a lot more headaches than the average. Now I dont have that many attacks, but I can use my headache as an excuse for going to the meetings. I actually coordinate it, like if I have been to the big meeting 2-3 times I can use my headche to not going for the next big meeting, without my dad getting suspicious.

  But my dad would never allow to stay home just because "Im tired and sad".

  Also, in Denmark you dont pay for going in any kind school - its actually the other way around. In Denmark YOU get payed to stay in school, but its not much though. Instead we almost 50% of our income in taxes.
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  bisous

  You say your dad has mellowed and wants to be your 'friend'. I'm a 45 year old parent, and I know that my style and approach has changed alot from when I was raising younger kids (mine are now 24 and 21). I understand you harbor anger towards your dad because of his past behavior, but people do change as they get older...we mellow and we have regrets. No matter how stringent his approach, you should know that he does love you. Like someone said here, hate the cult that has molded him and not your dad in total. Could it be possible you could talk to him, bit by bit, about your doubts without it being an ugly scene? Or maybe approach your mom first, using some of the suggestions here. If you can open up a dialogue you will feel better (release some of the pressure) and maybe they will loosen up a bit.

  p.s. I was forced into JWism from age 5 and left in early 20s. I never truly believed the doctrine, when younger I conformed to survive. I understand how hard it is and the fear of isolation you are going through. After I left, I was all alone until I rebuilt my life and network of friends. It isn't easy, but it can be done. Hang in there!!!
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  Panda

  How about tired suicidal?