My husband's new blood papers are in the trash???

by wordlywife 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • TheListener

    I hope this works out for you worldlywife. Doesn't it suck having an issue that you are dying to know the answer to but can't really bring up in conversation.

    Hopefully you hit the jackpot, but just in case don't open the champagne just yet.

  • wordlywife

    I think he will never, ever leave. Sometimes I think it would be best for him not to, as he would probaby go around afterward thinking he is without Jehovah's spirit, he is dead, he is not a good person, Satan's got him,etc. (Initially I wrote "Santa's got him", hee hee)

    I still want him happy spiritually and mentally and physically, all that. If he has to stay in to be happy, then so be it. But, yes, I wish he was not attending. To me the whole thing just feels bad, and I have attended with him, mostly on Sundays only. I went every other Sunday for well over a year, attended 1 huge convention and 1 District assembly.

    And to answer earlier questions, this is the brand spankin' new paperwork, and he has not thrown out his old blood card as far as I know. Maybe it means nothing. However, I thought all the faithful would have to turn this back in, or at least be made to feel like they have to? Or is it a conscience matter? (whatever that means for a JW, who is made to feel guilty no matter what, it seems)

    Thanks again all-


  • 95stormfront

    I saw my wife's "blood papers" mixed in with all her JW litter-ature a couple of days ago. Don't know whether or not she got them signed, or if she's even filled in the DPOA.

    I'll respect her wishes, reluctantly, if push comes to shove and this issue comes up, but, if someway I'm removed from the decision making process based upon that paper, then whoever she trusted in that decision had better damn well be ready to pay her hospital bills for her whether or not she survives and is released.

  • mkr32208

    my wife is fading but claims she's not... (you'd have to read other post it's complicated) but she hasn't done the new paperwork yet. If it ever comes up though she's getting the blood transfusion I'll just say "headship" juice her!!! Anytime I find paperwork on her blood stuff in the file cabinet I throw it away just in case!

  • jgnat

    It does sound promising, worldlywife. It isn't at all unusual for JW's to say one thing and do another. You are right, he is full of guilt and conflict. Just like an abused spouse may "test the waters" of independence, he may be making baby steps to see if he, indeed, will get a ZOT from Heaven by having internal doubts.

    Or perhaps "independent thinking" is survivable.

    Like all of us know can be done.

    The trick with abused spouses and exiting JW members is to help them know there is some place to go TO, not just a place to escape FROM. On his free nights, could the two of you take up an enjoyable activity, like ballroom dancing or bowling? If he has friends on the outside, you may be able to gently guide him out of his nightmare.

  • M.J.

    Isn't it sad how a non JW mate is always walking on eggshells and can't always discuss what's on their mind? Hey, I know how it is.

    But I have to say that I am so happy for you that there are at least positive signs there! Hang in there!

  • jgnat

    I hear ya, M. J. Usually non-communication between spouses is a big ALERT to me that something is dreadfully wrong. But having confronted my JW hubby enough times now, I am in no mood to set off another Cognitive Dissonance loop.

    It is kind of like docking an ocean liner. A feather touch on the controls is all that is needed to nudge that baby closer in. A hard right or left can send the monster crashing through the gangway, and I have to start all over. Start all over rebuilding the dock, the gangway, and sending condolence letters to the squished sailors' families.

  • maybesbabies

    I think it was Pink who said "be extra loving towards him", and I agree that that might help him open up. He sounds (and this is just my opinion, mind you) like a poor communicator to begin with, and perhaps doesn't feel that he can talk to you. This is not anyones fault, some people are just hard wired that way. Perhaps some love and affection, a smile for him, kisses, etc. mentioning "I will always be here for you". You probably do this anyway, but maybe it will be the straw that breaks the camels back, since he may be on the brink of cracking. I've heard more than one story of a spouse finally realizing that their worldly(god I hate that word!) partner was there for them, after thinking that they couldn't possibly understand. The religion can drive such a wedge between partners, that the JW partner can't see what they have right in front of them, their best friend and partner. Of course, I could be utterly wrong, but some times the tenderness of a mate when you feel that the world is falling down around you can bring you back to what is real.

    P.S. Love the way you put it, Jgnat!!

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