I'm Glad I'm A Man

by Dirt Rocker 11 Replies latest social humour

  • Dirt Rocker
    Dirt Rocker

    I'M GLAD I'M A MAN I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe. I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese. I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts. I can get where I want to - north,south,east, or west.

    I don't get wasted after only 2 beers,
    And when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
    I won't spend hours deciding what to wear.
    I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair.

    And I don't go around checking my reflection
    in everything shiny from every direction.
    I don't whine in public and make us leave early,
    and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.

    I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing.
    I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
    I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back.
    I don't carry our differences into the sack

    I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
    or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
    I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too.
    I know what the time is and I know what to do.

    And I honestly think its a privilege for me
    to have these two balls and stand when I pee.
    I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball.
    It's more fun than dealing with women after all.

    I won't cry if you say it's not going to work.
    I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
    Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure.
    I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

    Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a man, you see.
    I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery.
    I don't get all bitchy every 28 days.
    I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise.

    I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true.
    I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

    And now it's time for a rebuttal


    I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am.
    I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.
    I don't brag to my buddies about my erections.
    I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

    I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.
    And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down.
    I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt.
    My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut.

    And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch.
    And yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.
    I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind.
    I'm a woman you see - I'm just not that kind!

    I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing.
    I don't have body hair like shag carpeting.
    It dosen't grow in my ears or cover my back.
    When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack.

    And what's on my head dosen't leave with my comb.
    I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome.
    Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.
    I'm a woman, you know - I've got far too much pride!

    And I honestly think it's a privelege for me,
    to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.
    I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball.
    I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

    I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
    or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.
    Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
    then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

    Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see.
    Forget all about that old penis envy.
    I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks.
    Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

    I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true.
    I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    hmm, i don't think that's what they mean when they say c--k worship...

    Men are cheats and liars, they?re such a big disgrace, they will tell you anything to get to second baseball, baseball he thinks he?s gonna score, but if you let him go all the way you?re really just a horticulturist studies flowers, geologist studies rocks, all guys really want from you is a place to put his cockroaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs, nothing makes him happier than a juicy pair of jugglers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck, all guys really want to do is forget it no such luck.

    i don't know who wwrote that, so let's just say by "Anonymous".

  • Gill



    Just a teensy bit of a generalisation though, ....don't you think?

  • darkuncle29

    I am so glad I'm gay. I can fit into some parts of both of these, while others don't fit me at all. I guess I just 'am what I am'; so be it.

  • WildHorses

    I and P, that little diddy come from the moive "Hot Chick".

  • confusedjw

    Overall Dirt Rocker you don't look that "manish", but I'm glad you are glad.

  • Dirt Rocker
    Dirt Rocker

    Thanks confusedjw... :)

    For me it was refering to the Glad I'm A Woman part of it... hehe...

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
    or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.

    * cough *

    I and P, that little diddy come from the moive "Hot Chick".

    oh yeah

  • stillajwexelder

    I am glad I am a man - I get to love women - and they are wonderful

  • Incense_and_Peppermints

    well, women can do that too (if they want)

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