I miss my kids so much I'm hurting!! :(

by outbutnotdown 22 Replies latest jw friends

  • outbutnotdown

    I have tried to put on a brave face lately but I think I need to release some tears and emotion. (Ok, it's starting already... )

    (I have made posts lately as formerout but I am now back on as outbutnotdown, as I had been for a year and a half earlier...password lost. Some of you may remember some of my story.)

    I am now at the stage where I am waiting for a Judge's decision on what will happen regarding my access to my kids. I think my case was pretty strong, mostly because my kids and I have suffered greatly already by my ex-wife's attempt to do anything to keep them from me. The Judge finally got to hear that evidence.

    Which brings me to the next concern:

    I think my ex-wife sees the writing on the wall as far as the Judge goes, but she has a completely different belief as to what I will do. The Judge was supposed to have a decision by last Wednesday but we are still waiting. Whatever he decides, no matter what the punishment may be for her contempt, I will not keep my kids from her. My four kids need their mommy as much as they need me. Losing my mother to the JW's rules and the loss we have both suffered from that has taught me that lesson well enough.

    When my ex and her family were in court they tried to say that they had abided by all the previous Judge's orders. They hadn't at all and I think the Judge saw that. For the past week and a half, though, they have gone even further than before in cheating me out of seeing my kids. My kids are 10,7,6,4...B,B,G,G. My two girls have NEVER said they didn't want to come to see daddy, yet they did this week. My boys, being older, have, only because they have suffered my ex-wife and her JW family's negative influence for a longer period of time. My heart aches for what they must be getting told lately, in order to warp even the girls' minds so much.

    My intention is not to do anything other than impart positive influence on my kids once I am able to spend more time with them. I have seen the effects of that enough to know that it does wondrous things for kids' psyches especially.

    My emotions have been put through the ringer lately. I know if the Judge gives me "control" of the kids, my ex-wife will not suffer, but my kids will benefit greatly. But what if my having to represent myself in court has left it where the Judge does not see that? When will this situation of limbo end? I am at the point where I want answers.......... my kids need answers... but my heart is breaking with the wait. I can feel my children's pain. It seems as though my pain, having been experienced because of good intentions will be rewarded, but it is tough to keep myself reminded of that.

    What's next? Your thoughts are appreciated.


  • Stefanie

    I dont have any words of comfort......

    Please be strong for your babies!

  • Bryan

    What can I say, other than, I hear you... and I am thinking of you and your children.

    God's Speed.


    Have You Seen My Mother

  • Aude_Sapere

    I was wondering what happened with your case.

    Dragging out has got to be excrutiating.

    I don't know what else to say other than I am so sorry you are in pain.

    Why do you not have an attorney?

    If because of money, is there a place to go to get legal advise? I know there is one by me. I went there and found it to be helpful.


  • bikerchic


    I hope it all turns out well for you and your children. Hang in there, never give up and do whatever it takes to let your children know you love them.


  • outbutnotdown


    I appreciate your concern, as I do others' concern.

    I have gotten legal advice from what is called "Duty Counsel" in Canada. But they are not allowed to go into court with you during the trial/pre-trial. That is where the lawyers have the greatest advantage, IMO.

    In family law in Canada you can't seem to get Legal Aid unless you are abused. No offense intended to honest women, but sometimes the laws that are meant to protect women are also used to abuse men, when leaving their mate. Without getting into details, this is my basic story, including where she lied about being abused and seemed to just run with it instead of stopping her lies after she got what she originally intended them to be used for.

    As far as protecting the children from their mother's negative manipulation, it is hard for a man to convince The Children's Aid Society that the mother is a bad influence unless she is openly abusing them physically. My ex is aware of this fact. What her family said in court on the 23rd of December makes it seem that she is completely oblivious as to the emotional damage that is inflicted on our kids by telling them that their father is bad.

    I want to believe that my patience and refusal to "get down in the trenches and throw dirt", especially with the children being involved, will be rewarded soon. However, despite me having protected my children from knowing ANY of this, I have also seen the other side of the law.

    I spent what would have been our tenth anniversary in jail on a lie. She tried to do the same again, and failed, two months later. She tried to get a restraining order on me 8 days after that, which cost me $5,000.00 to ENSURE that I was spared her new angle at f*cking with my life. Half a year later a Judge made an order to gradually get the kids back to a stable life. She has broken just about every order that he made. They hired someone to beat me up. I convinced him that they were liars. They then said they wanted me dead. On December 22nd, this same "thug" came to let me know that he wanted to be a mediator in our separation. He left, shocked at the extremes that they have gone to screw with me and my time with the kids.

    I guess I don't really expect anyone to have all the answers to all the questions but I need to know when it will end. (I avoided making the 40 minute drive to her new town, partly to avoid the cost but mostly because I felt that the kids' being forced to say mean things to me as to why they didn't "want" to come would do them more harm than good.

    I just want the hurting to end...... mostly for the kids... secondly for me.. but even for my ex... it must be destroying her emotionally to be so mean!!!

    If anybody can tell me that this is just the storm before the calm, please do so..... I need to know that the suffering will end soon.


  • outbutnotdown


    I also appreciate your thoughts.


    I hope it all turns out well for you and your children. Hang in there, never give up and do whatever it takes to let your children know you love them.


    Your advice is simple, yet profound. I have done great things for them, I think, by sticking to that very simple philosophy of letting them know I love them. Other than a couple of times letting my temporary facial expressions let them know differently, I have "kept a brave face". All of my comments to them have been to remind them that mommy and daddy are just trying to find out the BEST way to make sure they are happy.... even after the bullsh*t night in jail, etc. I really do appreciate your thoughts and all others' thoughts that have been shared with me. It really emphasizes that good hearts and positive influence still wins out in the long run. This "short run" has been a tough one, but I have to believe that it will work out, in the end. Brad

  • Sassy

    we all wish we had answers for you. I've been estranged from my kids because of my ex... although by different methods for most of the past ten years. I am just breaking ground to getting them in my life again.. so I understand 'some' of your pain.

    Don't lose hope.. in the end your not playing dirty will be the wisest thing to do.. hang in there.. and we are here for you

  • outbutnotdown

    Thanks Sassy,

    I remember your VERY BIG smile in the picture with your son when you saw him for the first time in a long time. It was moving. I hope that you and your kids are getting what you all deserve as well.

    It sucks to know that people do this to us and our kids but it also reminds me that very beautiful smiles (like yours) and very positive interaction with our kids can help them and us to keep them on the narrow path.

    And in no way in hell am I suggesting any path other than the path that leads to respect for life and love as it exists.


  • lisavegas420

    What a sad and sick women. I do belive that actions have consequences; so our lives are conditioned by our past actions she will have to live with what she has and contines to do. But then again what a b*tch!


    Stay strong for your children. I wish you the best. Keep us posted...

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