What do ya do when... (page 3)

Big Tex

Missy, forgive me, but you are an adult now. You need to live your own life. For a parent to expect their child to put their life on hold just to cater to them, well that's just wrong. A parent who truly cares for you would only want you to be happy and find your place in this world. That they would instead choose to put you on a guilt trip says more about them, and their dysfunction, than your obligations toward them.

My wife was in a situation very similar to yours. Her parents were older, her father was an elder and they were hard core JWs. They put every sort of guilt trip possible on her and kept her at home until she was 27. Now that Nina has distance (and 21 years of marriage) she looks back on the decision to stay there as one of the biggest mistakes she made.

Remember God doesn't make crap. Your gut is telling you what you need to do. Live your life and be happy in your choices.

Chris

missy04

My wife was in a situation very similar to yours. Her parents were older, her father was an elder and they were hard core JWs. They put every sort of guilt trip possible on her and kept her at home until she was 27. Now that Nina has distance (and 21 years of marriage) she looks back on the decision to stay there as one of the biggest mistakes she made.

Geez,...I can't even imagine how it would be if my parents were JW's. It must have been really hard on her. I'm sorry she had to go through that.

~Sarah

Badger

Make it clear that YOU have goals...no truly loving parent would give a good reason to stand in the way of them. Does she expect you to stay there forever?

And Winston, that is a good book...I've used it to deal with my dad and stepmom. Also, try "The Art of Verbal Self-Defense"

MelbaToast

Missy, I have been in your shoes.

At age 18 I had just graduated, and had already forewarned my 'rents for many years that I was leaving, mostly because I hated the podunk town they had moved me to. I was there, formed my own opinions and had already decided that as an adult, they had no more contol over what I did or did not do. I think that they kind of thought that the rug was being pulled out from under them. By that time, I had a full time job (working nights, so no meetings for me!) a car, and was looking for an apartment. Mom wanted me to pioneer, and I was enrolling myself in college.

The straw that finally broke my back was when we went shopping for clothes, she said "You can pick out however many outfits you want, if you'll promise that you'll pioneer for the next year"

No, thank you. I went off immediately, telling her I didn't want anything from her if she wanted to bribe me with "materialistic things" to serve God. That ended the shopping trip.

10 years later, I can still remember the guilt trips and shaming. They continue to this day, just on a far muted plane. My mother has seen my moral values in action on more than one occasion, and she lets them be.

That said, take candidly nuts advice and get all your ducks in a row before you leave home. You will go far in life.

(((missy)))

missy04

Thanks, Badger

missy04

The straw that finally broke my back was when we went shopping for clothes, she said "You can pick out however many outfits you want, if you'll promise that you'll pioneer for the next year"
No, thank you. I went off immediately, telling her I didn't want anything from her if she wanted to bribe me with "materialistic things" to serve God. That ended the shopping trip.
10 years later, I can still remember the guilt trips and shaming. They continue to this day, just on a far muted plane. My mother has seen my moral values in action on more than one occasion, and she lets them be.

Wow,..she really REALLLLY wanted you to pioneer, huh.

I've heard alot about parents bribing their kids to pioneer and stuff. sad.

Good for you standing up to her.

~Sarah

missy04

Thank you all very much..you've all given alot of helpful suggestions

You all are so sweet!!

Merry merry merry merry merry Christmas!!!!

~Sarah

missy04

Just a quick update...I think I got it solved. A friend of mine called about 45 minutes ago and said J****'s moving back to Illinois and wants to know if youd like to get a place with her.

So I am LEAVIN!! Yay!!

~Sarah

Winston Smith :>D

A friend of mine called about 45 minutes ago and said J****'s moving back to Illinois and wants to know if youd like to get a place with her.
So I am LEAVIN!! Yay!!
~Sarah

See, jehover always provides a way out for his beloved servants Sarah!

Good luck with the move, and congrats!

Elsewhere

See, jehover always provides a way out for his beloved servants Sarah!

Damn! Ya beat me to it!

What do ya do when...

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