by Chloe 20 Replies latest social relationships
Thanks for your suggestions, Winston. He is really having a hard time with the idea of getting a job and letting go of the business. Also, he knows I don't believe the bible is inspired anymore, so we will have to stay away from that subject because he justs throws that it my face.
Pintail - I can only imagine. I am so sorry. That's why I'm so concerned about the intrusion of the Society.
Quotes - thanks for the link. I was just going to look for it.
Chloe,
I understand the fear you have of a wedge being driven into your marriage. I am in a somewhat similar position, although my husband is not a jw. He has been reading their literature for quite sometime and has met with a jw at his work numerous times. He has not though gone to any meetings. I have never been a jw. I just wanted to tell you that if you would like to, feel free to send me a personal message and I would be happy to correspond with you. Having my husband involved in all of this has been extremely painful and there has been many times when I almost walked out the door for good. Things are going somewhat well for now, but I still feel like I'm on pins and needles all of the time. Maybe you and I can get through this all together. If it wasnt for all the good people on this board, I dont know what I would have done. You can never have enough friends, and I'm here for you.
snbdye
He announced yesterday he wants to start back again because he knows it's the Truth and it would help him.Help him with what?
That's what I was thinking. Perhaps if this "what" can be defined, a better solution could be found rather than running back to a kingdumb hall.
He is really having a hard time with the idea of getting a job and letting go of the business.
My goodness, I think I'm having a twilight moment......is this guy related to my wife or what?
She's tried running her own businesses for most of the years we've been together, alway putting in a lot more money than she ever got out of it all the while expecting me to financially support it as if it were a hobby. You guys have no idea how much money I've spent on business phone lines and small office rental spaces that hardly ever got used for more than a place to brew coffee the meager time she'd spend there. I've really been supporttive, but what are you to do when you try to encourage on that issue and you're met with, "we as JW should not strive too much for or be in love with money".
WTF are we spending money on trying to get a business started for if you're going into it with that attitude. Where the Hell do you think the money is coming from to buy all this business supplies with, not a money tree out back, thank you very much !!!
I've spent a small fortune on college classes for her, maybe to build her a little self-esteem and demonstrate other options avaliable to her but found that for my efforts, it just gets torn down with every meeting she attends. I've really done everything I could to to get her to see that there is more to life than trying to run constantly failing businesses until armageddon comes.
So he is willing to lose you and his daughters and other family???? Can you get him into therapy?
I'm afraid he thinks being a Witness WILL be his therapy. That's the answer to everything. I have suggested it but he says he doesn't need it. I have also asked to go to marriage counselling which he claims he is willing to do, but can never find time to go to the appointment.
I really think I'm fighting a losing battle.
Well, it looks like the Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start intruding in my marriage again.
those jerkfaces...
I have also asked to go to marriage counselling which he claims he is willing to do, but can never find time to go to the appointment.
Maybe make a firm appointment and go with or without him?
Chloe,
I was raised a witness. I do believe a lot of what I was taught, however I was always made to feel I wasn't good enough, or doing enough. I was always comparing myself to the other "wives". They took thier kids out in service while their husbands worked. I felt looked down upon for working and establishing a career, since there was no time for "witnessing".
I was married a week after I turned 18. I felt pressured to be married if I wanted to have a relationship. Then, everyone was involved with the marriage. Elders included. Was I doing what "christian wives" should do? A year and a half after my marriage, I left my husband and disassociated my self from the church. I wasn't going to feel guilty about my choices in life. I still read my bible and other publications, but I have no desire to ever attend another meeting. It's very womanizing, and everyone was so judgemental.
I doubt your husband would leave you because your an unbeliever, as the only grounds for divorce are adultry. A therapist probably wouldn't be much help either. The only suggestion I have have is to follow your heart. You are the only one who know whats best for you. For me, it was not living that lifestyle anymore. I just couldn't like up to their expectations, which is no way to live! Hopefully, your husband is supportive of your feelings. Email me if you want to talk more, I have a lot of inside and outside veiws that may be helpful. [email protected]
Chole,
I totally feel for you hun. I'm in a similar situation although, I'm not married to him. My bf started studying with his dad and people and became more and more involved about a year ago. I was really scared and still am. My bf and I are currently working on our "situation". We have done the Alpha Course, which was really good, but my bf became disconnected from it half way through because he was still attending JW book studies.
Recently, I asked him to quit it all together and he has, but I know he misses it. He is pressured all the time by his dad to attend book studies and know he is at least keeping up with the weekly lessons. We are trying to find a church and bible study that has what he is looking for. This will take a lot of time. My best advice for you is to not argue any topics with him, because you'll always be wrong and he'll find things in the bible to throw back at you. Next offer to go to a Christain church with him of any kind as long as it is Christian. Expose him to different religions and get yourself involved in it too. You'd be surprised, I was a pretty faithful Catholic before my bf and I started doing a "religion" search and now I have found that I am most happy being a plain old Christian, it may be good for you. And last keep praying. Praying is the best thing it will help you get through.
This board is a great place for support believe me. If it wasn't for this board, I would have gone crazy by now. The people here are great.
Meg
I am married to a wonderful man(going on 7 years been togther for 10) and his mother and sister are JW. His mother has always been very nice to me and i could talk to her about anything that was on my mind, I consider her my mom rather then my mother in law. She has taken me to the KH for meetings and gatherings, it was such a nice place to be at.My mother in law is married to a catholic, she became a JW after she got married and to this day they have been married for 35 years. I have never in my 10 years with them, seen them fight about anything, my mother in law is a very strong headed type of woman and i do not see that she is submissive to her husband. Her husband does not go to the weekly meetings but he goes to the crucit meetings. I dont think he agrees with what they believe in but he goes just to make her happy and to catch up with his friends there. I kinda feel sorry for my sister in law because she is 30 years old and still lives at home with mom and dad. She doesnt really have a life of her own, one thing i can say is that she loves my son very much and would do anything for him, i think she longs for childern of her own but since she is not married she cant have any.
I have a lot still to say but i have to run now to an appt.
TTFN
Shorty
