Why, oh why, didn't I take the blue pill....

by mkr32208 44 Replies latest jw experiences

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  LittleToe

  I've heard that reasoning, too.
  To thyself thou must be true.

  I sat myself down, once, and seriously thought about it. Then got up a wiser man...
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  MungoBaobab

  Brooooootherrrrr Aaaaanderson.... We're here on a shepherding call. We here you've been contacted by a very dangerous apostate called "Morpheus." Do not listen to his apostate reasoning, Brother Anderson.
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  xochsi

  So I ask ya, if you could forget all the negatives about the WBTS (I know thats a lot) and just go back like nothing had ever happened would you?

  HELLLL NO!!!!! Why waste my life, make my tiny two year old sit and be quiet for two hours, expose her to ridicule, social ostracism, and a bad education at best, and molestation that will be covered up, or death due to innacurately applied, 6000 yr. old blood policies at worst? Why spend thirty hours a week at least preparing for and going to meetings and service?

  Spend my whole life with fair weather friends whose love is contingent on selling magazines? Thank you, no.

  Well put!

  and just so ya know, mrkr, the blue pill was viagra.
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  John Lee

  The expression "You can't return home again" fits. Time passes and hopefully you grow mentally with each day never to return to the former thoughts. An Indian saying "Respect the other man's Religion and DEMAND that they respect yours." It's about respecting yourself and not lowering to another's level.
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  czarofmischief

  Sometimes.

  I just wish it HAD been true; but now that I know that it isn't, I can't go back. Even if you did, it wouldn't be the same.

  CZAR
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  Axelspeed

  Sometimes.

  I agree. You cant truly go back once you know what you know. But who knows where the WT will be yrs. from now. I'm glad I know what I know now and not be forced to see/realize it 20 yrs from now..that would be sad.

  Axelspeed
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  jgnat

  Well, I figure, for many on this board, the leap has been made. Intellectual integrity has been gained at a great price, sometimes at the loss of family and friends. For those of you who have made the leap, to go back would be anathema. I am sure there are many, many more within the society who have chosen a more comfortable route. Their hearts have left, but their lead feet clump them back to the meetings three times a week.

  I will never forget my ealy visit to the Kingdom Hall, when a slightly dotty "sister" patted my arm and told me that her parents had been from a "mixed marriage", and all had been fine. "Don't worry, you will get used to it." I got the worst case of creepy crawlies right there, as I felt the gilded cage closing in around me.

  As sweet and wide as their shark smiles are, I find the Kingdom Hall and its' people oppressive, closed. There is no freedom there. No chance to be my true self in front of them. Give me freedom, the right to heard! Three cheers for JWD!
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  ezekiel3

  As a JW child, at about 8 years old, I began to wonder if my whole life wasn't just a construct, a huge personal test with everyone one I knew just acting their roles so see if I was really good.

  Flash forward to the release of The Matrix and I realize an epiphany I know many of you share.

  As JWs we were all "copper-tops" feeding the WTS with our best ($$) and pushing magazines in self-fulfilling prophecy. But when you get down to it, there is no spirituality there. It is trully a machine.

  As a JW child I tried everything to make "spiritual paradise" real to me. No go. The fact is everyone is acting, assuming that their fellow JWs are "spiritual" - so they must be too.

  So back to my childhood fantasy: I was right. Everyone around me, including my parents, were so eager to believe a fantasy they they were willing to fake it so that another child (your's trully) would believe. Living in the "Truth" is a big test, not of your faith, but of the effectiveness of JW mind-control. If you don't submit you are an evil apostate.

  So, just like Neo and the lot, I choose to "plug in" with what I know. Why not. Corruption comes from the inside.
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  Markfromcali

  This kind of thought really goes to show there are two things going on: One would be finding out about the doctrinal inconsistency, hypocrisy or whatever, the other is YOU waking the hell up.

  Make no mistake, these are not the same thing. You may have processed some stuff intellectually when you obtain information on the first matter, but the second has to do with the self identity you've formed around the whole thing. That information can be processed with minimal impact on the self structure, within the context of that structure even, but what I'm talking about is getting past that structure. This is where most of the work is, and where it's often not really being done, when people are suffering over these types of issues.

  If you really want to take back your life, then it's more than a kind of intellectual makeover - get some new beliefs and philosophies and the like. If you really go deep, there would not be any such questions as wanting to have taken the other path.
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  LittleToe

  Mark:A little self-examination is good for the soul...