Need To Divorce My Husband.... (page 4)

Fleur

Just the other day I thought of running my car and putting a hose between my exhaust pipe and the rear window, and just doing to sleep peacefully to put an end to it all

DY, this WORRIES me. As someone who thought at first the only way out of the abuse was in a body bag, I KNOW that feeling.

Do not let him erode your self esteem any more from this point. Whether you stay or go you have to know that you are a person of VALUE in this world and that you deserve to live, and be happy.

As I said in my PM, you need to get counseling and a GOOD lawyer, sweetie. Do not go this alone, and know that there are others who know just what you're going through because we've been there and survived it. You can too.

be safe!

essie

wasasister

Not much I can add to the other good advice already offered you, except to say I've been through it. Husband was an MS and emotionally abusive, leading ultimately to some pretty physical stuff. (Broke things, threw things, shoved me only once.)

In most states you can obtain a "no-contact" order without a lawyer. Keep a record dates and events when he's violent. Call 9-11 if he's smashing things, thus generating a police report which you may need later. The courts will usually appoint an advocate for you to help you with the paperwork - it's free.

You might suggest to your husband - since you say you still love him - that a "cooling off" period might help. Live apart for a little while and see if you miss each other. If he won't go to counselling with you, go alone. Sort out your feelings for this man and see if your marriage is worth fighting for.

You are right about one thing: if you decide to divorce, it WILL get worse before it gets better. Prepare for a bumpy ride. You will lose friends, but not true ones. I'm now living happily at the other end of that tunnel and I can assure you, once you get through the hard part, your life will be better.

PM me if you want to talk.

Wasa

Doubtfully Yours

Thanks to all for your support, and your kind words for my terrible situation.

It's been 3 days since his violent outburst and it seems that his physical need is calling onto him because he's slowly coming out of his giving me the silent treatment. I'm sure tonight he'll want to be very nice to me and perhaps take me out to eat.

I'm being very dry and direct to his words. He still needs to fix some stuff he broke in his rage 3 days ago. I'll demand a heart-to-heart talk in which I'll propose that we go our separate ways as amicable as possible. I'll try and explain to him I'm no comfortable anymore with the life of lies I'm living anymore.

We'll see how much I'll get in because he gets very violent with his words and loud when things aren't doing his way.

My parents notice that we've had some differences and just the other night they came to my home and try to patch things up and telling me that a life alone was sad and tough. Always giving me guilt trips, and insinuating that it's all my fault.

DY

Gill

Your husband sounds just like my dad!

You don't want to live your life the way my mother has had to and though it will be very very difficult for you for the first few months and maybe years if he really cannot change then you have to think of yourself. No one should have to live like you are doing, or how my mother has lived.

Leave whilst you still can but cover yourself for every eventuality that you can think of. Don't be afraid to call the police if he is ever even once violent.

Go for it. In time you'll wonder why you didn't leave years ago.

He will never change, if he is anything like my father at all, they are unable to see that what they do is wrong. They always excuse themselves in their own minds.

Go girl!

Doubtfully Yours

Gill, and all,

My husband always accuses me of making him do the things he does, like yelling and throwing/breaking things. He says "see what you make me do?" At times I've even thought that he's right, but now I see it's insane to think so. Nobody can make another do anything that they don't want to do themselves!

I need to stay strong throughout this mess. I'll keep you all posted.

DY

shotgun

DY, the org got one thing right when they say "Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers" although we may start out in undivided households the landscape becomes unfamiliar and harsh when one or the other mate grows out of the original WT mold...usually anyways.

He says "see what you make me do?"

That's the same excuse God uses before he destroys people!

Golf

DY, you answered your dilemma by saying, "I make enough money to be on my own!" All you need to do now, is, just do it!

My sister-in-law a JW just left your husband also a JW. She' been at peace since! No regrets.

Seeking Knowledge

No one can "make" someone do anything, Those are his emotions and he owns them. He's misdirecting his anger to avoid responsiblity. My ex was like that too. Get yourself some help and realize you are not "making" him do anything, that's a favorite excuse. Do not stay in a bad situation, unfortunately, they usually revert back to their old behavior.

Take care!

SK

LittleToe

I DA'ed nearly three years ago, and we survived nearly a couple of years further.
The pressure was on 24/7 in the home, and I know that she was receiving extra indoctrination from some of the things she would come out with. I think she enjoyed the attention, at one level, too.
It was my health that was the deciding factor (physical, and emotional, with mental sure to have followed suit).
After over a decade of marriage we separated...

The first few months or so were full of grief, and again from time to time.
Whatever you choose won't be an easy road.

Breaking things is threatening behaviour, as is screaming.
You don't have to suffer that. No-one has the right to impose it on you.
That having been said, I don't know all the circumstances, so I'm loathe to advise you one way or another. Only you know, and only you can make that decision.
Either way, you know we'll support you, without judgement.

Whatever you decide - good luck!

Need To Divorce My Husband....

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