Thanks for all the input. I slept on it and decided to send this final draft to them. I also sent a copy to the elder they are closest to with a note saying "In case you have 'marked' us in any way publicly or privately this is the result. If not and they want to portray this encounter in some way to you, here is a copy of what I have said to them."
Again, all names are changed.
********************************************************
Dear Barry (my nephew) and Laurie (his wife), 12/02/2004
This likely isn?t going to be received well or be pleasant so I will just come out and say it. It?s come up in my conversations with Julie (my daughter) that when she tries to talk to Susie (her cousing) on the playground that Susie keeps walking away and refuses to talk to her. This has been 8 or 10 times and Julie has tried to ask Susie why she?s doing this. It apparently has become public enough that Susie?s friend Katie has tried a couple of times to trick Julie into going over to Susie by telling Julie that ?Susie wants to talk to you now? ? just to see Julie get snubbed again.
This, of course, is consistent with Laurie?s previously stated stand that Susie couldn?t come over to our house, because you ?needed to watch out for her spirituality.? I have no idea what you are thinking that I would do to her or what threat we pose to her. (In my opinion, it?s as ridiculous as telling Susie that she couldn?t go on certain field trips, because the wind is blowing too hard and the bus might tip over.) Apparently Susie has been instructed to shun Julie or the atmosphere has been created so that she thinks it?s the right thing to do. Do you feel Julie poses a threat to her? This really begs some questions:
Does this make you feel more righteous or that you are taking a stand for Jehovah? Apparently you feel a need to punish us or show your disapproval, because we aren?t going to meetings. Has Jehovah instructed you to do this via the Bible or WT publications? Is having Susie play with ?worldly? kids, but not her cousin on the playground, safer for her? Is it more loving or more Christian? Is shunning someone the way to show how much you ?love? them and want them back? How can someone justify using kids to convey their disapproval? Does it say in the Bible that if someone stops going to meetings that you should have your kids stop talking to their kids on the playground ? even if they are blood cousins? Again, Susie is getting this message somehow.
Of course I can?t help but think of the years that you, Barry, almost never set foot in a Kingdom Hall or the relatively few meetings that Laurie made. And when you did, Laurie, you would leave early virtually each time. Did we instruct our kids to shun Susie? Did we talk about you in our house and leave the impression that your family is ?unclean? because you were meeting misers? If we did, would that be loving and Christian, or would that be judging, or just plain mean? I wonder, how many meetings would someone have to make before it?s proper to give your life for them? How many would they have to miss before it?s proper to shun them? Some could think that this situation is hypocritical on your part.
We have never been close and I won?t pretend that we share some great affection for each other, but at the same time I have no ill feeling toward any of you. Perhaps you harbor some ill feelings toward me, and with me not going to meetings it allows you to act on them? But to reduce this to communicating to your daughter that she should actively shun her cousin at school is beyond my comprehension. I can?t imagine a scenario where I would communicate in some way to Julie to treat Susie in a way to hurt her ? even if I had some hard feelings toward the two of you. They are just kids, and cousins at that! But anyone who could justify telling their child they can?t go on a bus trip, because the ?bus might blow over? could justify anything, in my opinion.
Everyone in that school knows Susie is a Witness and Julie is her cousin. Perhaps this is good in the sense that it does let people see the ?shunning and judging side? of the Witnesses. On the official Watchtower Media website it states ?Those who become inactive in the congregation, perhaps even drifting away from association with fellow believers, are not shunned.? ? but we know that?s not true, don?t we?
Last year [my other niece] called to apologize because [her daughter] confessed she told Julie on the playground that ?she hated her and wished she weren?t her cousin? - for no fault of Julie's, [her daughter] just felt like being mean. Julie had held it in, and we didn?t know of it until my niece's call] call. Now this year Susie is shunning her. What message do you think Julie is getting from her cousins and friends at the Kingdom Hall?
Julie has moved on with other friends and I?ve encouraged her to do so and we certainly aren?t asking for Susie?s friendship ? she can be whoever she wants. Make no mistake, this isn?t a letter to try to force Susie to play with Julie. And while I have no interest in particular in starting trouble this is not the sort of thing I can forget and I felt it best to let you know that I think this is small minded, unchristian and hypocritical on your part.