Exodus into Canada: American Liberals Sneaking Across Border

by SixofNine 29 Replies latest social current

  • SixofNine

    American Liberals Sneaking
    Across Border Into Canada

    Barnett Fief

    The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada Has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.

    The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among Left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray and agree with Bill O' Reilly.

    Canadian border farmers say its not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

    I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

    In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

    Not real effective," he said. The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

    Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals Near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

    A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

    When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often Wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.

    In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes ingenious ways of crossing the border.

    Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.

    If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, We get suspicious about their age," an official said.

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are Creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

    I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just cant support them," an Ottawa resident said. How many art-history majors does one country need?"

    In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said.

    We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out."

  • Satanus

    I fished a couple out of the river the other day. I sold em to the indians for a hundred dollars each I think they were going to use them to sell bootleg cigarettes at their stores.


  • Happy Guy :)
    Happy Guy :)

    Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are Creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.

    Damn that explains it!

  • Uzzah

    I have a 2 bedroom apartment and will welcome any American refugees preferably female.

    Submit applications to marryacanadian.com


  • xenawarrior

    *packs a bag*

    Can I bring my dog Uzzah?

  • gumby
    *packs a bag*

    Don't let her come Uzzah. Get one with lots of bags, as it means they have more goodies. What could a girl have in one bag other than some dirty ol'' sweat pants and stuff? She sounds like a homeless woman.


  • Uzzah

    Dogs are a tight fit in an apartment but I will be buying a house next year and would love to have dogs around. I love big dogs! Newfs and/or Labs especially.

    As long as it isn't a poodle or such size I am cool with it.


  • Uzzah

    Good point Gumby. (not bad for a plasticine man)

    So other than a dog what else are you bring north with ya?

  • simplesally

    Uz...........what about women with kids? And a dog? Oh and will you support all of us and feed us all? We also like warm houses and chocolate.

    Where is that number for U-Haul?

  • Uzzah

    Well you might have to settle for warm apartment until next year than the warm house will be available. Birng the whole entourage, the more the merrier!

    Uzzah - who is thinking he is going to need a bigger house

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