What would you do?

by frittin 16 Replies latest social relationships

  • frittin

    I am new to this forum and would like to have some feedback. I am one of JW's. Have been for 27 years. I have been married for 25. The father of 2 grown sons. Four and 1/2 years ago, I found out that my wife, also a JW had been carrying an affair with 3 different men. The classic signs were there. the phone would ring. If I answered it, they would hang up. Once, the guy asked for her and when I asked him why, he just said he'd call back. She pretended not to know who it was. Then she started answering the phone. Within 5 minutes of hanging up, she'd be out of the door like the house was on fire. She'd stay out for a few hours, then come back and wash out her underwear. That went on for months. I wanted to know who it was that could get her out of the house that fast.

    So, I bought a small tape recorder that could tape both sides of the conversation. Put it in my computer and connected it to the phone jack on the computer. Everytime the computer got a dial tone, it would start recording. I know that it was illegal, but I did it anyway. I did that for about 6 months. On Friday, 10/13/2000, I got the conversation with her and one of those men saying what they did, how they did it and they even made arrangments to spend the night at his house. So could do that because she worked nights. So, she would dress in her nursing uniform and leave as if she was going to work, and sleep with him.

    She told him she don't have to sleep in anyone's bed but his, she's the boss in his bed and she only sleeps naked in his bed and not mine. It's not one of those conversations that you walk into and it sounds like they're talking about one thing but talking about something else. This is the whole conversation from start to finish. At this point, I wanted out. Not only because of this, but for other things she's been doing in the past. I have letters that she would write to me telling me how much see love men and how wild she can be with them.

    December of 2000, I moved out. When I told her about the tape, she confessed that she had been going to Atlantic City with him and spending nights with him and so forth. also on the tape there's a conversation she had with her health care provider, which was the first conversation. I gave the tape to the Elders, and asked them to listen to the second conversation. They listened to the health care one. Told me I had no proof. One of the Elders even went on to say:" With today's technology, that could be anybody on that tape. Are you sure that'a not you and her on that tape?" At that point I took that tape and left. Feedback, please. I have already made up my mind what I'm going to do. But, please send me some feed back anyway.

    [email protected]

  • Fe2O3Girl

    Hello frittin, welcome to JWD.

    Since it is four years since you found the evidence of your wife's infidelity and moved out, and you don't mention any reconciliation, I assume that relationship is over.

    I think that the issue is between the two of you. It is nothing to do with anyone else.

    If you haven't completed a divorce, do so. Maintain your relationship with your sons - you are still their father, and she is still their mother.

    All the best,


  • kwintestal

    Welcome to JWD fritten, stay a while and learn a lot!

    Was she DF'd? Were you DF'd because you left her? Normally the elders would be all over a split couple. They like getting their noses into things to get the juicy details. I would imagine that she has denied the affair to the elders? Or refused to talk to them?

    Remember that the elders are just men. Your relationship with God, is between you and God. The elders have nothing to do with it at all, even though they may think that they do. You are not accountable to elders. Whatever decision you make just remember that.

    Give your kids lots of hugs. You all need them.


  • Angharad

    Welcome to the forum Frittin

  • franklin J
    franklin J

    HI and welcome to the forum

    I am sorry for your situation and suggest that you seek out couciling from a competent therapist to help see you through this. Think of your kids. They come first.

    You should not have to go through this alone when there are so many professionals out there who can help you temper the situation and guide you to a solution that works for you.

    good luck, Frank

  • frittin

    No, she was not Df'd. Nor was I. The Elders tried to talk to her on numerous occasion, but she would refuse to talk. Even closing the door in thier faces. She would refuse shepherding calls. My decison is for a divorce. She knows that. I already have a good lawyer.

  • Mecurious?

    O.K., this is a long story. I was married to a JW, (I am a JW) he left me, and I begged him not to go, he went to where his x-wife lives for work, he says he spent the weekends at her place, but didn't sleep with her. 3 months later, he came back, and I let him stay, then he left me again. This time I would not let him come back. In the mean time, my mother tells me that his x-wife had called her looking for my spouse because they were to ger married. My spouse divorced me, I refused to sign the papers. Now I have to prove that he had sex with his x-wife. I have no help from the elders, because I want to re-marry and the man is not a JW. If I remarry without proof, I can be df'd. Hi frittin (welcome to the forum) is there any relationship between this post and the one you just posted?

  • frittin

    Sounds just alike. I thought it anly happened in my case.

  • kitties_and_horses_oh_my!


    Welcome to the board. I wish I had words of wisdom for you, but all I can send you is a hug and the knowledge that we are all here to help. You'll find a lot of support here and wonderful people who have been through tragedies of their own.


  • Swan


    First of all, welcome!

    Are you telling us everything here? Something doesn't jive. Can you elaborate a bit?


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