busted by a fake evergreen tree

cab1000

My wife and I have not been to a meeting for well over a year. We are not disfellowshipped, but would be if we admitted to the elders what we've been up to, mainly smoking. We was both born and raised in the "truth". My story is the same as many here, but I thought I would share it anyhow, for others like me. We live two hours away from our family. Most of our family is in the truth, so we try to hide that we have faded. But, I sport a goatee, which is like wearing a " I am not a J.W." T-shirt. The family is very concerned about our spiritual welfare, as I would be of theirs if the tables were turned. The last time we was in their town, my step father and my brother in law, (both elders), wanted to get together and talk, see if they could do or say anything to "help" us. I was ok with that, I feel that they really can't do much to change my opinion right now, but I wanted to seem eager to listen. But, my wife was against it all the way. Not wanting to upset her, I declined their invitaion to sit down and talk. Well, a couple weeks go by, and my step father was coming over to our house for a overnight visit. No problem, my wife and I can go without smoking for a while without much problem, we pull it off on all our visits to the "family" town anyway. So, he shows up, and right away notices our "christmas tree". Mind you, it is a christmas tree, with snowmen ornaments, and lights. There are also lights around the mantle, and snow men sprinkled about, with fake snow too. A winter setting is all it is. There is no Santa Clause, no angel, no regular ornimants, nothing but the tree and little snowmen. We have had it up since late fall. Anyway, the reason I am posting is to tell you that, when he came in he put his overnight bags into the bedroom he stays in, and after seeing the tree, he immeadiatly moved his bags back by the door. He then informed us that since we had these "christmas" decerations, he could not stay here. It was obvious that he was really hurt that we decorated the house this way. I offered to take the tree down, so he could stay and visit with his three grandchildren, and he said no, he'd be leaving anyway. He's the only father I've ever known, and he would not stay at my house, because of a fake evergreen tree! He was nice enough really, said a heartfelt good bye to the kids and I, and left.

I am not even really upset with him, he had no choice. He's been so brainwashed that he is on auto pilot. I am upset with the whole organization. I was telling my wife that they care more about their rules than love itself. Too bad. So sad.

Anyone else had a similar expereince?

Elsewhere

Ahhhh... let me see here:

Your family demands that you respect their right to freedom of religion, calling it persecution if they hear any negative views of their religious actions.
You family demands that you bend to their will when it comes to religion, or they will persecute you with shunning, gossip and slander in the community.

And you believe they are justified in this? If they will not tolerate persecution from you, then why should you tolerate persecution from them?

I am not even really upset with him, he had no choice.

Yes, he did have a choice. Just as he expects you to bend to accomodate his religious beliefs, how is it that he should not accomodate your religious beliefs?

You did not try to compel him to break any of his religious laws or worship any gods other than his... I doubt he would walk out of a store that had christmas decorations.

unbeliever

Whenever mother dub comes to my apartment I get that *look* of a disappointed mother when she sees my holiday decorations. Halloween seems to get her the most bent out of shape. She will not come to my house at all during October because in her mind I am worshiping Satan.

I refuse to alter my life to accodomate her. It's her problem, not mine. That's how I look at it anyway.

Big Tex

Yeah I agree with Elsewhere on this. This was your house, so don't apologize. We're having about 20 people over to the house for Thanksgiving. Some are JWs, some aren't. If anyone wanders out to the garage, they'll probably notice our Christmas tree wrapped up from last year. I've told Witnesses I took my children out trick or treating and if they ask I'll tell them I will celebrate Christmas this year. I refuse to apologize for how I live my life or the decisions I've made. Actually I'm rather proud.

But I do understand to some degree cab. I was very close to my JW father in law (I used to call him my step-dad). Before he died, I gave him a copy of Crisis of Conscience to read. Anyway, I would have been hurt if he had left as in your situation. Do you think he's going to cut off all contact now?

cab1000

I guess that we want their companionship, and that is why I have faded, and not just wrote the letter to quit the truth.

So, they are really more important than some decorations. We thought that since the decorations were not really pure christmas, and just "winter" themed that it would be ok, and we was wrong.

cab1000

Big Tex,

I dont know. He sure loves his grandkids, and I think he will want to see them. Besides, they cant help what their parents do, right? So, I think that he'll want us to drop by his place, with the kids. But I dont know for sure....have to wait and see.

BrendaCloutier

I am not even really upset with him, he had no choice.

Yes, he did have a choice. Just as he expects you to bend to accomodate his religious beliefs, how is it that he should not accomodate your religious beliefs?

Cab - I absolutely understand why you aren't really upset with you're step dad. Afterall, you grew up knowing these things.

However, Else is correct. Because of his beliefs and intolerance, he refused you, your wife and your children, the pleasure of his visit. He withheld his love, appreciation, respect, and acceptance of you because of HIS rigid belief structure.

I was raised knowing only the conditional love of Jehovah's Witnesses.

I understood my parents when they barely tolerated my visits, would not return phone calls, and would not honor me with just the slightest respect by "forgetting" to RSVP to my wedding invitation and my offer to pay for their room and transportation.

However, I was disrespected in an attempt at honoring them as my parents at my wedding. And the only reason was their religious tabu's.

I felt hurt, pain, and anger over this, as well I should have.

After 10 years, and the fact that they are 87 years old, we have reconciled, and they have been most pleasant to be around. But it doesn't change the bullcrap.

Hugs and Peace.

Brenda

PS Happy Holidays!

willyloman

If I understand this correctly, you:

1. Invited or agreed to have your JW stepfather come spend the night

2. Had a Christmas tree in the living room when he arrived

And you expected some other reaction?

You were a dub long enough to know how JWs react to a Christmas tree. They don't even like to be in the same room with one. Years ago, we visited a theme park during the holidays. A long-time buddy of mine, best man at my wedding prior to my becoming a dub, lived nearby and when I called ahead to see if they wanted to get together for dinner or something, he insisted we stay at house for the night. We arrived on the day after Christmas, in the late evening. They showed us their spare room. There was a small tree in the corner, with its lights off. An early riser, I woke up at 6:30 smelling coffee and walked into the kitchen. His wife was taking down the tree! She said, "I didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable."

95stormfront

I am not even really upset with him, he had no choice.

Yes, he did have a choice. Just as he expects you to bend to accomodate his religious beliefs, how is it that he should not accomodate your religious beliefs?

He did bend though. He did what everyone should've expected and got the hell out your house rather than sit there and berate you condescendingly for having a tree as he would if you were on his turf.

cab1000

Willy,

Your right, I know how they feel about christmas trees. I thought that since ours was just a little tree (about three feet tall) and not decorated quite like a "real" Xmas tree, I thought he would frown on it, and nothing more. but I guess any evergreen in the house this time of year, is, and should be considered a "christmas" tree.

My wife actually got the idea from a her aunt, who is a "sister". Her tree was more like a stick with evergreen branches. Her tree was not bell shaped, just strait up and down. But there was lights, and snowmen on it. My wife could not find the same kind of tree, so she just got a cheap xmas tree and used it. We explained that it was not meant to be for christmas, which was sort of true. We planned on giving the kids a little christmas.....maybe even with a real tree....closer to christmas....shouldn't have to be this difficult...but it is...

busted by a fake evergreen tree

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