Getting fed up with fading

by Pole 35 Replies latest jw experiences

  • garybuss

    Crink, I really didn't have that much guilt over leaving, I did fight a feeling of impending doom for years and I was pissed that they lied to me on purpose and I was pissed at them for the way they treated me and my family. At first I didn't fight back and I was losing to them. Now I fight back and they have retreated. It has been 30 years this year since I quit the group and I have put a whole new life together.

    Pole, There was another whole Witness element that was working to get my wife to divorce me. That almost worked. I have identified them and they are banned from my home and from my life forever. Eliminating them has made life go better.

    The Witnesses have been a divisive element in my life between me and my education, between me and my kids, between me and my wife, between me and my parents, and between me and my friends. They have tried to insert themselves where religion has no business.

    I was a silent believing walkaway for 18 years until they started to snub and shun me. I might have stayed silent had they not started snubbing and shunning me. I have given them much trouble and I am not going away any time soon. I hope they think it has all been worth it to them. GaryB


    Fading is the way to go.Your not active,your not DF,your not DA,you are becoming invisible to the WBTS.It eventually gives you the opportunity to help others get out,or help them not join at all..Your chances of educating without the stigma of DForDA is much better...OUTLAW

  • Pole


    Good point about fading as a way of getting round the DF stigma. If used properly, fading may be a more subtle way of wreaking havoc in your congo.


    I must admit I only began to fully understand the "active" type of apostates recently. Thanks to stories like yours.



  • Gill

    I have faded. It's wonderful and now I don't care. My husband is a little more nervous though, he may have to go to another county to buy christmas wrapping paper!

    But all this talk of beards has made me LMAO.

    When we were Witnesses my husband always had some kind of beard on the go, much to the annoyance of the elders. But now we've faded, he's clean shaven.

    He always was a secret rebel! I wish he'd told me years ago how he felt about the truth. We both felt the same and just never knew, both afraid of losing each other. I'd have followed him to hell and back if he'd said at the beginning that he'd had enough of the JW"s and he would have done the same for me. Sad we sacrificed so many years in this pointless exercise of avoiding being disfellowshiped or disassociated.

  • Pole


    I'm not sure how long my beard will survive. (It got trimmed yesterday:). It's all about the fun of trying things you never have only because of some phoney official or half-official doctrine.

    Another interesting point you've raised is the one of keeping up appearences between spouses. I experienced the same thing for some time. It actually shows how sick the WTS religion is in terms of the monopoly it has on your belief system. It can implicitly divide even those families, who formally practice it. It's just like a totalitarian state. Never trust your neigbor - he may be reporting to the authorities :)))).

  • gumby


    I've been sitting here thinking about how we all think we have the society by the balls with the seemingly ...."full-proof fading escape plan." Those sick balheaded, shits in their pants, heartless bastards in N.Y. can devise ways to counter faders if they wanted too. " Don't come to meetings/service in 6 months, and a call on your home will be made to determine your stand for or against Jehovah". That's about all they would need to do........and just might oneday. Or, they might finally realise they are losing the hard fought battle and let it crumble....who knows?


  • Gill

    Hi Pole,

    Yes, you never quite know who you can trust in the truth. I can think of many times when certain ones asked leading questions. I think though if my husband had insisted on staying in the truth I would have had to stay with him and remained unhappy. I wonder how many other couples do that?

    As for the secret police, well, my mother's family came from eastern europe and when we visited, as a child I remember a member of the communist party going round to every one's home to find out how many chickens they had and how old each one was. My grandmother joked that they needed birth certificates for each chiken they kept, but she was very irritated by the whole palava.

    Reminds me of the 'Organization' wanting to know everything and expecting total conformity!

    Oh well!

    Better out than in!

  • Pole


    The thing is: at the point they come to ask you the dreaded question, you may simply not care anymore. I am ready to welcome the Watchtower police officers with their plastic guns. Come and get me, su**ers...

    Besides, they're unlikely to use such strict measures against suspected faders. The recent 15 minute rule shows something quite opposite. And how do you tell a secretive fader from a spiritually weak sheep? Faders can lie. "Oh, yeah, I love Jehovah, it's just that I feel down about this evil system of things". "I promise I'll go to the meeting next week." And then they don't. And then what? NUUUTHIN. Now Gumby, if you were an elder, what would you do to detect a fader? Or if you were a GB member (oh, no) what kind of strict, all-inclusive policy would you implement? One that wouldn't ruin your annual stats?


  • Tim Horton
    Tim Horton

    I think for me Gary B. summed it all up in a nut shell. I'm not going to let people treat me with disrespect whether it's to do with religion or anything else for that matter. My husband and I have been fading for 7 years now. Not successfully because our family and the witnesses are still badgering us. Recently we have become a little more obvious about it. We have told our family that we don't want to be JW's any longer. That was about a month ago. Yesterday for the first time my Dad came by and told me that my Mom and sister still want to talk to me. Interesting that they sent a messenger. I said fine as long as they don't push the religion on myself/the hubby and especially our kids. We have yet to hear from my hubbys family. I don't know what will happen there. They are all JW's. When the elders come to the door now I tell them that I'm busy and can't come to the door. They have actually stopped phoning. My closest friends have stopped phoning. I guess only time will tell if we will be Df'd or not. We are trying to fade in an obvious way I guess. Successful or not. I don't know yet. I would probably say if people have family in the ORG. fading is the best thing. It's a lot less complicated. It's just hard to be fake when you really aren't that way. I don't think that God intented for us to be something that we aren't. All the best to you. That seems to be what the JW religion is all about. Being something that your not. Panther

  • gumby
    !am ready to welcome the Watchtower police officers with their plastic guns. Come and get me, su**ers...

    Lol polebastard!

    Plastic guns indeed. These guns can also become a real 44 mag with a real steel barrel when those plastic men announce the words you are Dfed. If you have family involved, your world differs from those who do not suffer from this holocost.

    'If I was an elder'....which I was for many years, to be honest, elders spent little time in sheperding those that were attending, let alone the faders. In my time, I believed faders faded because of apathy. Now it's apathy and available information not once available and a new 'generation' mindset.


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