Another Stoopid JW Forwarded Mail...

by Gozz 39 Replies latest jw friends

  • undercover
    undercover
    1. The bomb planted in the Kingdom Hall In Australia, where one brother was killed, was meant to kill everyone, and would have, but the bomb rolled backwards so the force or the blast was away from the friends, rather than aimed at them.

    So Jehober was powerful enough to cause the bomb to roll backwards but not powerful enough to defuse the situation.

    2. A new Hall was built in Brooklyn. However, a large tree was inconveniently located in the center of the parking lot, and a city ordinance forbade it's removal. That night, a storm blew it down, and it conveniently fell in the middle of the street. No harm came to the Hall. Because it blocked the street, the city of New York had to remove it, at no expense to the brothers.

    The creator of all heaven and earth caused one of his own creations to be destroyed so that an asphalt/concrete slab could be placed on the ground to give 4 or 5 more fossil fuel burning machines a place to sit.

    3. In Florida , a Hall building was delayed, because the basement hadn't been back filled and the brothers had no means to do so. While the inspectors were at the site, a bulldozer showed up did the job, and drove off. He returned to tell his boss he'd finished the job at the Hall. The boss replied, "Hall!? I told you to go to the mall!" The job was done at no expense to the brothers.

    Basement in Florida? No means to do so? Ya mean Jehovah couldn't find a bobcat or backhoe or even some shovels for his followers to use? He can make trees fall and cause bombs to roll around, why can't he provide a bobcat for his own worhip building?

    4. The brothers were building a 2-day project, and were short of roof trusses. None could be obtained for 3 days. Nearby, a semi truck overturned, blocking traffic. What was it carrying? Trusses! The police wanted them removed. The brothers moved in and hauled them away. Although some were damaged, enough were gathered to finish the project, at no cost to the brothers.

    Somebody already mentioned that trusses are designed for each building, though you can get some standard ones that work for varoius projects. But...even if they carried them off the road, the owner would come calling and either demand them back or restitution for obsconding with his building materials. If a cattle truck overturned on your street, can you keep the cattle that wanders into your yard?

    5. A Hall project was planned on an island. However, no sand was available for the mortar. (Many of these islands are formed from coral.). The only sand was on property owned by the Catholic priest, and he wouldn't sell to the brothers. A storm came up and washed the sand from the priest's land to where it was available to the friends. The project was completed, and everyone was happy but the priest.

    Again, the creator of heavens and earth has to resort to trickery to provide a pile of sand to his worshippers? Why not miraculously give em a pile of sand, kinda like manna from heaven? That would be more impressive than whipping up a priest-busting storm

    6. In , where the work is done underground, 3 elders were working on a country road. The sky was cloudy. Suddenly a bolt of lightning killed the middle brother. The other 2 hurriedly hid his body in the bushes, to go and remove literature, etc. from his home before the officials came. They take over any possessions they find and give them to whomever they feel can use them. Among his possessions were found a complete list of all the Witnesses from miles around. He was not a brother, but an imposter, planning to turn this list over to the police. As Bro. Lauriz says, if these hadn't come from , we'd never believe them.

    I've heard this one before....it starts off: God, Jesus and Moses were playing golf.....

    7. In a country where the work is banned, a Brother was trying to get through a series of roadblocks, with the trunk of his car loaded with literature. He was stopped by a policeman who asked him if he would take him to a certain destination as his car was broke down. The Brother agreed, the policeman got in the car, took his policeman's hat off and put it on the dashboard of the car as they drove along. They passed through five roadblocks and each time they were waved to go on through because of the policeman being with him. When they reached the end, the policeman thanked him and got out. The Brother asked him what the roadblocks were for and he said, "Oh, those Jehovah's Witnesses try to get through with their literature and this is set up to stop them." So he had escorted the Brother right through with his literature, (Told by Bro. Spangenberg, C. 0.)

    Wow...five roadblocks to stop such a dangerous group of women and children(the bulk of those spreading the literature). Must have happened in Ohio where they tried to ban the door-to-door work.

    8. A Brother going door to door met a man who said very emphatically he was not interested. He said to the Bro. "Tell it to the dog!" So the Bro. did. He gave the whole Sermon, read the scriptures, and presented the WT subscription, when he got through, he looked up at the man and said, "Well, the dog says yes." The man said "If the dog says yes, then I'll take it." So he placed the subscription. This was told by Brother Carrie Barber. (Gov. Body)
    Well, if it came from the Gov. Body it HAS to be true...
  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    There, fixed!

    DOES JEHOVAH KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON, AND DOES HE STEP WHEN HE NEEDS TO? OF COURSE NOT!!!

    1. The bomb planted in the Kingdom Hall In Australia, where one brother was killed, was meant to kill everyone, and would have, but the bomb rolled backwards so the force or the blast was away from the friends, rather than aimed at them. It turned out that the brother who was killed was the only one who wasn't molesting children.

    2. A new Hall was built in Brooklyn. However, a large tree was inconveniently located in the center of the parking lot, and a city ordinance forbade it's removal. That night, a storm blew it down, and it conveniently fell in the middle of the street. No harm came to the Hall. Because it blocked the street, the city of New York had to remove it, at no expense to the brothers who didn't care that the tree was a historical landmark

    3. In Florida, a Hall building was delayed, because the basement hadn't been back filled and the brothers had no means to do so. While the inspectors were at the site, a bulldozer showed up did the job, and drove off. He returned to tell his boss he'd finished the job at the Hall. The boss replied, "Hall!? I told you to go to the mall!" The job was done at no expense to the brothers. But what kind of bulldozing company doesn't give a location?

    4. The brothers were building a 2-day project, and were short of roof trusses. None could be obtained for 3 days. Nearby, a semi truck overturned, blocking traffic. What was it carrying? Trusses! The police wanted them removed. The brothers moved in and hauled them away. Although some were damaged, enough were gathered to finish the project, at no cost to the brothers who stole them.

    5. A Hall project was planned on an island. However, no sand was available for the mortar. (Many of these islands are formed from coral.). The only sand was on property owned by the Catholic priest, and he wouldn't sell to the brothers. A storm came up and washed the sand from the priest's land to where it was available to the friends. The project was completed, and everyone was happy but the priest who had no kindness shown to him by the Jehovah's Witnesses whos honesty astounds us all!

    6. In , where the work is done underground, 3 elders were working on a country road. The sky was cloudy. Suddenly a bolt of lightning killed the middle brother. The other 2 hurriedly hid his body in the bushes, to go and remove literature, etc. from his home before the officials came. They take over any possessions they find and give them to whomever they feel can use them. Among his possessions were found a complete list of all the Witnesses from miles around. He was not a brother, but an imposter, planning to turn this list over to the police. As Bro. Lauriz says, if these hadn't come from , we'd never believe them. The brothers weren't proud to be Jehovah's happy people in this situation.

    7. In a country where the work is banned, a Brother was trying to get through a series of roadblocks, with the trunk of his car loaded with literature. He was stopped by a policeman who asked him if he would take him to a certain destination as his car was broke down. The Brother agreed, the policeman got in the car, took his policeman's hat off and put it on the dashboard of the car as they drove along. They passed through five roadblocks and each time they were waved to go on through because of the policeman being with him. When they reached the end, the policeman thanked him and got out. The Brother asked him what the roadblocks were for and he said, "Oh, those Jehovah's Witnesses try to get through with their literature and this is set up to stop them." So he had escorted the Brother right through with his literature, but didn't give a fine witness to the policeman.

    8. A Brother going door to door met a man who said very emphatically he was not interested. He said to the Bro. "Tell it to the dog!" So the Bro. did. He gave the whole Sermon, read the scriptures, and presented the WT subscription, when he got through, he looked up at the man and said, "Well, the dog says yes." The man said "If the dog says yes, then I'll take it." So he placed the subscription. The man now uses the magazines to paper train the litter of puppies his dog had.

  • Swan
    Swan

    Other accounts of Jehovah's miraculous intervention.

    When the brothers in Mexico where required to fulfill their military commitments, rather than refusing and being tossed into prison where their preaching work would be curtailed, Jehovah directed things so that the Governing Body approved the brothers paying bribes to officials. They recieved a forged card saying that they had completed their military service without actually having to do so. The reasoning behind it was that Mexicans are notoriously known for the stereotype of corruption and bribery that is obviously rampant in their culture. Therefore using the system with a wink and a nod to keep the brothers out of prison, employed, and making contributions to the Watchtower Society must be according to the direction of Jehovah's Holy Spirit.

    In spite of siding with the Nazi party in the early thirties and denouncing the Jews and the corrupt capitalism of the commercial Western systems, the Nazi's rejected the Bible Students cozying up to them. They turned against them, banning them, throwing them into concentration camps with the greedy Jews the JWs had denounced and the homosexual perverts they despised. There many of them died, but it must have been Jehovah's will because later on they were able to get great publicity in the Holocaust museums, and reinforce the fact that they were persecuted for their Christian neutrality, further proof that they were the one true religion. In addition, it gave the JWs material to talk about at their assemblies for decades, showing that Hitler was dead, but that Jehovah had blessed his people so that they would thrive.

    When being a religion in Mexico would have resulted in them losing all of their property holdings in that country, Jehovah directed them to think of themselves more like a club, and knock off the prayers and singing. Later, when Mexico changed it's laws, the JWs could once again say they were a religion and begin praying again, and they got to keep their Kingdom Halls. The Governing Body wisely knew that Jehovah would rather have buildings for his followers to worship Him in rather than a bunch of boring prayers during the meetings where people's minds wander off anyway.

    When under persecution in Malawi, Jehovah directed his people to reject the purchase of a twenty five cent national ID card (which unlike the Mexican card, said nothing about having served in their military). The torture and beatings of black people in this far off country was a great tool for keeping the white people back in the US and England thankful they weren't under persecution and in fear of future atrocities during the great tribulation. It also greatly boosted contributions by wealthy white people who felt so sorry for those poor black brothers. My, how Jehovah blessed and strengthened his organization through what seemed like needless torture.

    Ignoring the warnings of the Organization about going to houses alone, a pioneer sister, worried about getting her time in, started her time before the meeting for field service by disobediently stopping at the house of a man who had shown interest. She did not realize the man was interested in her. He murdered her viciously, but Jehovah was able to use this foolish sister as a warning to everyone in the surrounding area to heed the Society's direction.

    When the ministerial servant in one congregation couldn't get sex from his sick, bedridden wife, he turned to his little granddaughters to satisfy his needs. Jehovah wisely brought this to light to address the issue in a local needs talk, both as a warning to the men in the congregation not to let their lustful desires to get away from them, and to the wives in the congregation who might contribute to a husband's sin by not providing the marital due as commanded in the Bible. The warning to wives who failed to obey this Biblical scripture was grave, as it could lead their husbands to seek satisfaction for their uncontrollable urges elsewhere. It was also a wise lesson for the rest of the congregation, who was directed not to hold this incident against this brother after his six months of reproof and weekend jail time had ended. Jehovah be praised for using this experience to build up the congregation.

    Tammy

  • PinTail
    PinTail

    Oh yeah I remember a Wilson Spangenberg he was a big gruff overly obnoxious "rightious over much" kind of guy.

    I have heard all kinds of crap like all of this stuff so many times during the last fifty years, its like a big Amway meeting designed to fill you full crap to keep you pounding on the doors and bothering people.

  • LDH
    LDH

    Gozz Gozz Gozz,

    Thank you for this trip in time. I can tell you these Urban Legends have been circulating in the JW world since I was a kid. There may be some truth to some of them but certainly no truth to 90% of them.

    Corvin/Nosferatu/Swan you made me burst out laughing. I salute you.

    Wow I would like to know what country that has banned the JW has so much free time on their law enforcement hands that they can set up 5 roadblocks. I'm sure there's no crime there....

    No let me try one that really did circulate about Australia.....

    moments befor the bomb blast, attendees were instructed to turn to John 3:16. This is a well known scripture. Those who obeyed had their heads down and were reading it (for the 5,9847563938 th time) when the bomb went off, and as a result the 'blast path' went over their heads. Those who chose to resist by not looking up a scripture because "they had done it so often before"....well, you know.

    Lisa

  • teejay
    teejay

    little1

    May be a dumb question, but aren't the witnesses supposed to stay off the internet? If so, how are they emailing this bullshit around and not getting in trouble for it??

    You ask too many questions, smarty pants.

  • cypher50
    cypher50
    moments befor the bomb blast, attendees were instructed to turn to John 3:16. This is a well known scripture. Those who obeyed had their heads down and were reading it (for the 5,9847563938 th time) when the bomb went off, and as a result the 'blast path' went over their heads. Those who chose to resist by not looking up a scripture because "they had done it so often before"....well, you know.

    Lisa

    Funny...I heard that from a Farm brother when I lived in New York...only now do I think "did those people have to be in a fetal position to read a scripture?".

  • wizedup
    wizedup

    Here's One: We LEFT the Witnesses. Had four hurricanes since. Houses around us had severe damage, dub halls too. We had none!

    I know where Jehovah was then.

  • wizedup
    wizedup

    P.S. too my last post. I failed to mention a large limb from a huge maple tree fell on our roof in the first huuricane. There was absolutely NO damage to the roof , not even a scraped shingle! The NEIGHBORS (non witnesses) cleaned it off, sawed it up, and neatly placed it near the street before we even came home!

    I JUST LOVE REAL LIFE!!!

  • Gozz
    Gozz

    More email.... you never get enough of dub ramblings....

    George Benson/Celine Dion duet??

    Apparently, someone's been sending a recording of Song 54 (grief: I don't really know this song!?) around. George Benson is in it; but JWs aren't supposed to be star-struck except it's about a member of the governing body.... soo, the repentant brother who's sent out the reording, had to warn the faithful of the "bootleg" track. Priceless! Now everyone knows it's George Benson. Lol.

    Subject: Re: Kingdom Melody 54 by Celine Dion & George Benson Hi All, On a recent visit of our CO, he told me this song was stolen from Bethel,
    this he learned from brother Benson himself. This recording is a work in progress
    and he instructed us to not except this bootleg song and that we should delete it.
    I am sure it is beautiful, but we should wait for the version mother releases.

    Also it is not Celine Dion, it is a sister, both the sister and brother Benson had
    wished to remain anonymous.

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