Here is their reasoning from the publications. I understand the Elders manual says that family will not be disfellowshipped for communicating with disfellowshipped ones. For instance the Elders told my ex-husband he can have contact with our disfellowshipped oldest son, so long as it is not of a spiritual nature. He continues to check on him and he drops in on his Dad and new JW wife.
From the 7/15/1995 Watchtower article pg. 25-27
Disfellowshipping?A
Loving Provision?"HOLY, holy, holy is Jehovah God, the Almighty." (Revelation 4:8) In accord with that description, Jehovah is the Source of holy standards. These are set out in "the holy writings," and Christians are obligated to follow these guidelines. Indeed, they must avoid anything unclean in Jehovah?s eyes.?2 Timothy 3:15; Isaiah 52:11.
The Bible clearly commands: "In accord with the Holy One who called you, do you also become holy yourselves in all your conduct, because it is written: ?You must be holy, because I am holy.?" (1 Peter 1:15, 16) Ever since the Christian congregation came into existence 19 centuries ago, true Christians have put up a hard fight to protect it from spiritual and moral uncleanness.?Jude 3.
Why
Protection Is NecessaryAll of God?s servants face the challenge of keeping clean morally and spiritually. To that end, three powerful enemies must be resisted?Satan, his world, and our sinful fleshly inclinations. (Romans 5:12; 2 Corinthians 2:11; 1 John 5:19) Satan?s world will tempt you to be immoral, will challenge you to adopt its ways, and will offer you material wealth, fame, position, prominence, and power. But those who are determined to pursue true worship resist what Satan offers and remain "without spot from the world." Why? Because they want to stay under the protective and loving care of Jehovah?s clean organization.?James 1:27; 1 John 2:15-17.
Jehovah has provided assistance for any member of the Christian congregation who falls victim to Satan?s temptations because of human weakness. Spiritually qualified elders have been appointed to protect the congregation and lovingly help erring ones to repent of their sin and make the adjustments needed for recovery. Any Christian who gets involved in wrongdoing should be patiently helped to repent and change his ways.?Galatians 6:1, 2; James 5:13-16.
How
Disfellowshipping Is LovingBaptized servants of Jehovah who deliberately follow a wicked course and refuse to change must be viewed as unrepentant and thus unfit for Christian fellowship. (Compare 1 John 2:19.) Such individuals cannot be allowed to remain in the clean Christian congregation and thereby contaminate it. They must be expelled.
The propriety of expelling those who practice wicked deeds can be illustrated by the following situation: Because of the increase of assaults and violent crimes against students, some schools have adopted a policy that "calls for lifetime suspensions for students who use or threaten to use weapons," reports The Globe and Mail, a newspaper in Toronto, Canada. The expelling is done to protect the students who want to benefit from the educational program without being subjected to violent acts.
Why is it loving to expel an unrepentant wrongdoer from the congregation? Doing so is an expression of love for Jehovah and his ways. (Psalm 97:10) This action shows love for those pursuing a righteous course because it removes from their midst one who could exercise a bad influence on them. It also protects the purity of the congregation. (1 Corinthians 5:1-13) If gross immorality or spiritual uncleanness were permitted to remain in the congregation, it would become contaminated and would be unsuitable for rendering sacred service to Jehovah, who is holy. Furthermore, the wrongdoer?s expulsion may help him to see the seriousness of his wayward course, repent, and make necessary changes and thus be accepted back into the congregation.
The
Effect on OthersWhen a member of the congregation commits a serious sin, such as adultery, he is not making Jehovah?s heart rejoice. (Proverbs 27:11) Any Christian who succumbs to sexual immorality certainly is not thinking as Joseph did when Potiphar?s wife tried to get him to have sexual relations with her. Joseph?s reaction was: "How could I commit this great badness and actually sin against God?" (Genesis 39:6-12) Joseph respected Jehovah?s holy standards and fled the scene. On the other hand, an adulterer seems to lack sufficient love for God to refrain from satisfying his fleshly passion.?Galatians 5:19-21.
A baptized person who violates God?s commandments is not manifesting concern about the damage and pain he will cause his believing relatives. The emotional impact is more than some can bear. After discovering that her son was immoral, one Christian woman lamented: "Very few, if any, brothers and sisters seem to understand how hurt and devastated we are. . . . We are crushed at heart." The good name of an entire family may be brought into question. Depression and a measure of guilt may beset faithful family members. The wrongdoer?s wicked course thus brings heartache to the family.
Loving
Help for Family MembersFaithful Christian family members of expelled individuals need to remember that disfellowshipping is both loving and protective. Every possible effort is made to help the wrongdoer. But if he proves to be disobedient to God and is stubbornly unrepentant, the congregation needs to be protected and has no alternative but to act as God?s Word directs: "Remove the wicked man from among yourselves." (1 Corinthians 5:13) As one Witness said, "disfellowshipping is about loyalty to Jehovah."
When a family member is disfellowshipped, Christian relatives experience pain. Appointed elders should therefore do their best to be spiritually refreshing to them. (1 Thessalonians 5:14) Elders can pray for them and with them. Often it is possible to visit these faithful Christians to discuss upbuilding Scriptural thoughts. Shepherds of the flock should use every opportunity to strengthen these dear ones spiritually before and after Christian meetings. Additional encouragement can be given by accompanying them in the field ministry. (Romans 1:11, 12) Spiritual shepherds need to show these faithful servants of Jehovah the love and attention they deserve.?1 Thessalonians 2:7, 8.
The sinful course of a person is no reason to ignore any in his family who remain faithful to Jehovah. Israel?s wicked King Saul was rejected by God, but David did not allow this to interfere with his own affection for Saul?s son Jonathan. In fact, the bond between David and Jonathan became very strong. (1 Samuel 15:22, 23; 18:1-3; 20:41) So all in the congregation should be supportive and loving toward Christians whose relatives sin against Jehovah.
How unloving it would be to ignore or be unkind to such faithful ones! Loyal family members have a special need for encouragement. They may feel alone and may find their situation very difficult. Perhaps you can share a spiritual gem or an upbuilding experience with them by telephone. If the expelled person answers the phone, simply ask to speak to the Christian relative. You might invite the faithful members in such a household to a social gathering or a meal in your home. If you meet them while shopping, you might use that occasion for some upbuilding association. Remember, loyal Christians who have disfellowshipped relatives are still part of Jehovah?s clean organization. They could easily become isolated and discouraged. Therefore, be alert to show them kindness and love. Continue to do good ?toward all those related to you in the faith.??Galatians 6:10.
Appreciate
Jehovah?s ProvisionHow thankful we can be that Jehovah God shows tender concern for each one in the worldwide family of his worshipers. Through his organization he has lovingly provided an arrangement to assist us in walking before him in a righteous way. Even if a family member deliberately practices sin and must be expelled from the congregation, there is a way back if he truly repents. This is illustrated by the following example:
Elders had tried to help a person we will call Anna, but she turned to smoking, drinking, and drugs. She was unrepentant and did not remain in the congregation. Before long, however, Anna began to miss the loving fellowship of Jehovah?s clean congregation and prayed to him for help. She admits that she had not fully appreciated how much the elders care about those who stray. Anna began to attend the meetings again, and this led to repentance. Thereafter, she was accepted back into the loving and protective congregation. Once again, Anna is upholding Jehovah?s high standard of morality. She is grateful for the love shown by the elders and also remarks: "You have no idea how much help Christian publications have been to me. Jehovah certainly does look after our needs well."
Yes, God has provided a way back for those who have been expelled from the congregation but later repent. We have seen that even disfellowshipping itself is a loving provision. But how much better it is to avoid this sad experience by always sticking to the righteous ways of our holy God! May we ever be grateful for the privilege of praising Jehovah as a part of his clean, loving, and protective organization.
[Picture
on page 26]Are you showing love to faithful relatives of those expelled from the congregation?
http://www.douknow.net/jw_manual1.htm Here is the link to the "Paying attention to the Flock" Elders manual, read it.
