Best Healing... Leave or Stay JWD... (page 3)

BrendaCloutier

{{{{ Confucious }}}}

There have been many good responses.

I got out over 25 years ago. I had my resentments, but with the help of the Program of AA I worked through them. I've lived my life well without this board and w/o being the victim of WT.

Why am I here?

I was having weird dreams about going back, but not going out in service. Not letting anyone know who I was and just sliding back in. I was having dreams of old friends. None of this was in my daily conscious thought, just the leftovers of the dreams.

So I found this place. I talk about who I am, where I've been, what I believe in now: basically my experience, strength, and hope. And hopefully someone will find something in what I say that helps.

The dreams along with that sinking feeling of being "found out" has gone.

I developed the courage to see my parents again, armed with the facts, not the Truth tm .

I've found a group of people I enjoy "being around".

I understand your girlfriend, but this is about you and not her. She doesn't understand the deep roots of toxic religion and cult control.

Hon, do what you need to do for yourself, so you can be a better person for you, and then for her. It's not selfish to need and want to heal. Some wounds are deeper than others and leave more scar tissue.

Hugs and peace

Brenda

itsallgoodnow

It's probably different for everyone, and depends on how much involvement you currently have with JWs in your family and how much pain you experienced. It's probably impossible for her to fully understand the kind of number this religion does on so many people.

It has really been helpful for me to get different perspectives here. I can't just drop it and say, well I don't believe it any more and that's it. I thought it should be that easy at first, but I find myself constantly searching and wanting to know more about what people believe and why they believe it.

Sometimes I think about how many more people must have gotten out and dealt with it on their own, without support and it makes me wonder if other people just cope with it much better than me; maybe I'm just over-sensitive about it, or need more therapy or something. Sometimes, I wish there was a way I could erase all memory of it from my head. That would be so nice. Ah, but then I would just go back to being gullible and trusting again... can't have that!

Confucious

Well, I do know that I'm NOT reaady to leave this board.

Because there is really no JW's left in my life - except for the few stragglers here and there.

But it does feel good to remind me that I'm NOT out of my mind.

I remember those times when I was "alone" in the borg where I would wonder - "HELLO??? Am I the ONLY one here that can see the hypocracy???"

Frannie Banannie

Con, everyone has given excellent advice here. We've all spent years if not all of our lives being indoctrinated into the WTS mindset. It just isn't overcome in a day or two.....it really does take time.....even years, so don't rush and don't let anyone rush you.

Hugs,

Frannie

Rabbit

Confucious,

My new wife, never a JW, says the same thing to me, especially when she sees me get upset at reading the experiences of yet another victim. It is depressing, when you read where someone is just being shunned or disfellowshipped. She just doesn't want to see me hurt, unfortunately, it's just a load we must bear. I know it will be me, down the road when the Elders 'catch-up' with me.

Right now, I feel like I need to be here, to learn what others do in similar situations, to get support and help give it, too.

I was "in" for 35 years, fading for 5 years and only on these boards for about 10 months. It takes time. I also, have family "in", so I'm a long way from resting from this cults influences.

Confucious

Thanks guys.

And thanks Rabbit.

Con

Fleur

(((((con)))))))) big hugs.

As someone who has come and gone several times (to the point of being a joke for doing it, but that's okay...) I have gone and come back for different reasons each time.

I forget who it was but someone said before that when you have family in, things come up that keep you stuck on some points. I found that the things that brought me back here were family situations and a desperate need to talk about it with the only other people in the world who can really understand; and that is other people who are going through it.

The only really good reason to leave is because you're ready. Even if that means ready for a break. You can go and come back. For awhile I had to leave because preaching the ex-JW gospel had become a full time job and I was literally exhausted physically and emotionally. But each time I have gone and come I have learned and I hope, have become a better person in the process with more to add to help others here in the process. It's all about learning.

Your GF may never understand what you get out of being here. But that's okay, because there will be things about her that you won't get, everyone has their things. Stay until you feel you can't gain or give anymore positively by being here. Then you'll know when it's time to move on. No one can hit your emotional fast-forward button, such things don't exist.

Ask her for patience, and if she wonders why we need to be reminded that we're not crazy, ask her to read the recent threads about my grandmother and what my family is putting me through. Then she should see that we really need each other, and everyone here in this place, for however long they stay, serves an important purpose, to themselves, and to others.

hugs,

essie

Confucious

Fleur,

I went and stayed away for about 6 months.

In fact, during that time, I attempted to be a dub again.

Anyway... printed this thread out and feel good about my decision.

I REALLY need this place right now.

Con

Fleur

OMG! what happened when you went back, if you can talk about it, how was it trying to do it again? I just don't think I could ever stand it again. At least I hope not...I'm glad that you got back out!

I'm off to pack for a trip I am going on tomorrow but I will check back to read your answer soon as i can and hopefully before I leave town.

Hang in there and remember, do what feels right in your healing.

hugs!

essie

Confucious

Fleur,

See if you can go back to some of my old posts.

There is one that Lady Lee put on her best of dating.

For about a year, I was dating a JW and thought I could go back and just be the JW that goes to the meetings and never really goes out in service and all that.

You should read that post.

It's pretty interesting.

Bottom line is...

I cannot conscientiously become a JW becaue to do that - would be me being disloyal to God.

After what I know (and we all know now), how can you go back.

If I did, I would be a hypocrite.

con

Best Healing... Leave or Stay JWD...

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