Best Healing... Leave or Stay JWD...

by Confucious 33 Replies latest jw friends

  • Confucious

    My girlfriend is saying to me...

    Just write a Letter of Disassociation, and join some other Chat Group and move on.

    She loves you guys, because I often tell her about "what's going on here."

    But she like... well just move on and forget the WT forever.

    I've been trying to explain to her how difficult it is.

    I mean, she is NOT against JWD. But she's trying to help me move on.

    Because sometimes there is so much pain with this religion and I want to move on - but there's a lot of hurt.


  • Big Tex
    Big Tex

    I've always viewed this board as kind of a halfway house. People who are leaving, or who have left, but need a place to come and talk, laugh, cry, rage about the whole thing. But a halfway house isn't supposed to be permanent. It's a transition, to where you need to go to be who you're supposed to become. Eventually I'll leave as others have, I'm already at a point where I just don't care what that weird little sect does. I don't hate them, I just don't give a damn what they do.

    You must decide what's right for you, and do it when you are ready, not when others would have you be ready. I think it's like leaving home when you're growing up, you'll know when it's time.

  • Brummie

    Conf, she has you're interests at heart but just ask her to be a tad more patient with you, you cant just move on and forget the WT trip, it takes time.

    All the best


  • kwintestal

    I know where she's comming from, and it's something that everyone here may or may not come to at some time.

    When does the healing stop? When the wound doens't hurt. When it gets to that point will be different for everyone.

    Bottom line, "moving on" is something that has to be done, but it's one step at a time. Don't tear off the bandage too early and reopen the wound.


  • kls

    Just tell her that you will know when the time is right. When i see posters saying Goodbye to JWD because they feel free and are able to move on it gives me a great feeling to know that their doubts are gone and have got the strength to live their lives . Some take longer then others but only you can decide when you are ready and you will know in your own mind when .

  • blondie

    It is what works for you (not her), right?

    I have an alcoholic parent. I went to Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics for many years, more in the beginning and I gradually tapered off. But I keep in touch to make sure I don't go back to that "stinking thinking."

    No matter what, I will never excise my JW background. But you can put it on the shelf. It's like my WTS books, in boxes under the stairs in the basement. Some day I may sell them (not the old ones though).

    Love, Blondie

  • Valis

    Confucious, when I first came here was rather angry and still find it a good place to talk about events related to my experience past in JWland and my current experiences w/the family still in. Over the course of my association w/the board I too have had friends ask me why I just don't walk away from it all and my answer has always been that something that dominates your life from birth at least deserves some scrutiny from me now. Also I think everyone needs something different from JWD and luckily we don't just serve one porpoise here, but many popoises to a large population of users. For the most part I enjoy the personal stuff like people's hobbies, adventures, pics etc, and not so much the JW stuff anymore.....The main reasons I post here have changed, but sometimes the old reasons still visit my life. I am lucky in the fact I have RT people around that understand why I do what I do and it sounds like you have somewhat the same. Thanks to her for understanding and being patient with you. You might also wanna just find something you both could do together that would help you move on. AND NOT FORNICATION YOU HORNED BASTARD! *LOL* Reading or doing stuff you haven't been exposed to together might be something you could spend more time on than the board. It is also nice when eventually we can drop the XJW business and still be friends in RT and on JWD, but that's kinda hard when there are still so many good people here to meet...*LOL* Cheers and the best to you.


    District Overbeer

  • Markfromcali

    Does healing necessarily happen being here or away from here?

    Being here there is naturally a lot of support, but that's not necessarily healing. And of course being in a certain environment is not necessarily healing, you have to be involved to some extent.

    What being away, whether temporarily or permanently might do is help you clear your head and get some perspective in general, but I gotta say that in itself is not necessarily healing - although it might be appropriate at a given time.

  • codeblue

    I have to agree with what Blondie wrote: do what is good for you!

    I consider this to be a "support group" for suffering years of "spiritual abuse"...(I was 10 when I went in f. service for the very first time and lived wholeheartedly the JW way for 36 years). Abuse is abuse, this just came in a different form.

    If you consider this a place to get some healing from your "spiritual abuse", maybe you need to share that thought with your girlfriend.

    Have you read this book, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse?"...If not, please do...then share it with your girlfriend. She will then begin to understand why you many not be able to "forget the Watchtower and move on" as quickly as she think you should.

    Please take care of yourself!!!



  • vitty

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