Leaving the Watchtower -- Prolonged Adolescence?

logansrun

Greetings Folks,

I'm in a bit of a fritz so bear with my free style...

Sometimes I feel that, for the last two years since leaving the organization, I've been in a period of prolonged adolescence, filled with the confusion, second-guessing, mistakes and insights that go along with it. I'm now 28 years old and feel like I'm in my early twenties sometimes. The last two years has seen me grabbing for straws. What do I believe in? What is this thing called politics and where do I stand? Are humans naturally good or evil or neutral? What do I LIKE? Now that I don't have Armageddon and the New System to worry about/wait for/hope for, what should I DO with the rest of my life? Time is limited. Choices -- tough choices -- have to be made. Jehovah and his organization isn't there to lay out my plans, something I'm not used to. So, what??

Yes, it's been a ride. Not all bad, though. I know that many of the issues/concerns that I've had as an ex-witness are things that most people just don't care about. In a sense, this is good. I've experienced the agony of insight and the exhileration of my own ontology. Just what that means on a DAY TO DAY and practical level has yet to be seen.

Progress has been made. Big progress. Two years ago my life was a MESS. The WT was on my mind 24/7. I didn't know a thing about where I stand on the Big Questions in life. I let practical things go out the window -- my work, my school, my health (to a certain extent). I was (and am a little still) neurotic. But the process has been enlightening. I feel I've grown tremendously.

Yet I still lag behind! I've come to the conclusion that I'm a late bloomer. I don't blame the WT for this. If anything, my father is more to blame. No, I don't blame him either. Life has worked out this way for better and worse. It just *is*. I've come to accept this about me/the world.

I've come to the conclusion that what I really want out of life -- and what I think everyone wants -- is well being. It doesn't matter how you get it as long as you don't hurt anyone else. There is no recipe for well being. The roads are many and diverse. Perhaps the road I'm on isn't working. Maybe it's time to try something.....different.

Warm thoughts good people. Namaste.

Bradley

Elsewhere

I have been going through the same thing since leaving the WTS.

We must now LEARN these things about ourselves as opposed to being TOLD these things by the WTS.

Markfromcali

Hey Bradley, I came back to chat but there must have been a lag as you didn't appear to see my responses. You had mentioned you are actually not depressed or anything, and that's what's important. There is this aspect of development, but pathology would be something else. I don't know that you're a late bloomer - and of course you need some kind of standard to make that judgement, but what I would point out is this is not unique to XJWs and actually is fairly prevalent in life in different situations. The other side of it is there is bloomage, you can't say that about someone who is just stuck with their little beliefs thinking they are an adult, when they just play one really well. So yeah just go with it, explore and check things out.

logansrun

Elsewhere,

You know what I've come to realize, though. MOST people have been "told" what to believe just like we were growing up in the Tower. Maybe not as much, and usually not with the same element of Millenial Fear and Dread, but it's there. I see it everywhere -- people that are cluelessly self confident (yes, that is not a contradiction) and take for granted oh-so-much.

That's why I say that I'm GLAD I was raised a witness if not for the sake of having to "unlearn what I have learned" as Yoda said. Most people don't think this way. I don't want to sound elitist, but it's true.

Now, what to DO about it. That is another question entirely...

B.

JamesThomas

Hey Bradley,

I would agree that what we want is "well-being", or a genuine sense of peace.

Personally I have discovered that what I always wanted, I actually carry with me: it is what I am when there is no fuel given to the minds wanting more or different. It is here when I am present and attentive to here; rather than focused on somewhere else or when.

It seems you are on the right track. Just go deeper. Give it your all.

Hope this helps.

badwillie

Bradley,

I can relate to all of what you said too. I'm 37, married with 2 kids, and even though I've only been out of the cult for just over 3 years I still am learning so much about myself. The frustration comes now a little because I have so little time to explore my interests. On the one hand I want to just be complacent, but then again I love life and living it to the fullest. oh well. one day at a time I guess...

- BW.

Happy Guy :)

I see it everywhere -- people that are cluelessly self confident (yes, that is not a contradiction) and take for granted oh-so-much.

I find this is true especially with people in their 20s, especially early twenties.

I think you will find things coming together and falling into place more in your 30s Bradley.

Corvin

Sometimes I feel that, for the last two years since leaving the organization, I've been in a period of prolonged adolescence, filled with the confusion, second-guessing, mistakes and insights that go along with it. I'm now 28 years old and feel like I'm in my early twenties sometimes. The last two years has seen me grabbing for straws. What do I believe in? What is this thing called politics and where do I stand? Are humans naturally good or evil or neutral? What do I LIKE? Now that I don't have Armageddon and the New System to worry about/wait for/hope for, what should I DO with the rest of my life? Time is limited. Choices -- tough choices -- have to be made. Jehovah and his organization isn't there to lay out my plans, something I'm not used to. So, what??

Wow, Bradly, that is pretty heavy duty. I know you are not alone and on the outset of my awakening I experienced alot of those same "fritz's".

As for me, buddy, I had to get through it pretty quick and take decisive action on certain things for the sake of expediency. I sacreficed and was never sure in the beginning if I would win or lose, be right or wrong. It's a gamble sometimes. But you have to keep taking action towards a posative outcome.

It sort of boils down to getting clear on what it is you really want out of your career and your relationships. What helps is determining what resources and assets you have that you can use to benefit others. Asking the question, "what can I contribute to this" rather than "what am I going to get out of this" is a good place to approach from.

When you don't get the results you are looking for, you get flexible and vary your approach until you find what works. A short cut exists for us in that we can study the habits of successful people and model what they do, and will therefore get the same results they do.

I use to be the night auditor in the hotel industry. Not everyone is cut out for it, tho. Transactions that were screwed up during the day and could not be fixed by the desk clerks or the GM were put in my box for deciphering and reconciling. The clerk screwed up, had no idea how or when, and simply cannot make heads or tails of why his transactions are off by $527.16. Hotel night auditors have to balance the day's transactions to the penny, without fail. As a night auditor, I saw the day's transactions as one big long unrolled spool of film. Everything just made sense to me and it was easy for me to make sense of what needed fixing and just how to fix it. The clerks would thank me for fixing their mistakes, but never really understood, even after I explained it to them, where they took a left turn. They were just happy that it got corrected and their drawer balanced, and they did not lose the hotel any money.

The stuff I cannot resolve or reconcile, I just leave to the great auditor in the sky, you know, "Jesus with a ten-key". I move on and just accept that I don't know and that I might never know. Still I remain open to the answers if they should present themselves.

It's in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped, so we find a purpose, a cause, and we take all of our experiences and knowledge and put it to good use in doing something for others that they cannot do for themselves. No better satisfaction or expression of love exists, and your ability to put the interests of others ahead of your own is evidence of self-love and acceptance.

Corvin

codeblue

Bradley, I totally understand where you are coming from....but at least you are in your late 20's and not late 40's like me and relearning life for myself.

That's why I wrote a thread about "What is your purpose in Life?"....a while back.

James Thomas wrote an amazing comment on your thread and the one I just told you about.

Being raised a JW we had an "instant purpose" in life....What could be more important than saving lives???

However, living for the now and enjoying life carries less anxieties. The goal is learning how to do this, so we don't reflect on the past or future so much that we can't enjoy the "now".

I just purchased : "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I am halfway thru it and it is an amazing read, and helps to focus on how to be happy now, no matter what we have been through in the past.

CodeBlue

Carmel

Hey Bradley,

You're right where you should be. Think about chaos theory! Out of chaos comes a new biforcation, a new paradigm! It'll happen man, just be patient, keep an open mind and things will begin to fall into place. It took me over fifteen years of "frantic search" then came to the conclusion it was all in vain. Once I relaxed and gave up chasing for answers, they came to me. Kind of like the desparate couple that wanted children. After they give up on all the gadgets and high tech science, they adopt. Vala! She gets pregnant..

Hang in there! Life is a lot of fun even without all the answers..

carmel

Leaving the Watchtower -- Prolonged Adolescence?

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