Overcoming the Need for Approval.

Frannie Banannie

"He who carves up his own personality to suit other people soon whittles it away to nothing". LETTING GO OF FEAR AND BECOMING FEARLESS
by Brian Tracy http://www.qksrv.net/click-229295-2834644

OVERCOME A MAJOR FEAR
A major source of stress in your life is the "fear of rejection" or fear of criticism. This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a parent giving the child what psychologists call "conditional love."

RISE ABOVE THE NEED FOR APPROVAL
Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their children only when their children did something that they wanted them to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss, or friends. The adult employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss, or friends. This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some undetermined high standard.

AVOID TYPE-A BEHAVIOR
Drs. Rosenman and Friedman, two San Francisco heart specialists, have defined this obsession for performance as "Type-A behavior." Experts have concluded that approximately 60 percent of men and as many as 10 percent of women are people with Type-A behavior.

DON'T BURN YOURSELF OUT
This Type-A behavior can vary from mild forms to extreme cases. People who are what they call "true Type A's" usually put so much pressure on themselves to perform in order to please their bosses that they burn themselves out. They often die of heart attacks before the age of 55. This Type-A behavior, triggered by conditional love in childhood, is a very serious stress-related phenomenon in the American workplace.

ACTION EXERCISES
Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval.

First, realize and accept that the opinions of others are not important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or overly concerned about them. Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own personal worth and value as a person.

Second, refuse to be overly concerned about what you think people are thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking about you at all. Relax and get on with your life. :*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.Spirit.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.

Free to choose

"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."

-- Sigmund Freud

In his book Nobody's Victim, Christopher J. McCullough explains, "In order to live your freedom, you must first accept reality. 'These are the choices, and given those choices, which do I choose?' Whether the option you select is pleasant or painful does not alter the fact that, given reality, this is your preference.

"To live your freedom, it is helpful to stop and ask yourself, 'Why am I doing this?' and then notice whether, given the options, you are choosing what you really want, or whether you want to choose something else.... Sometimes the exercise of freedom involves naming your poison -- all choices may lead to outcomes that are in some way painful. But the real pain is that of feeling powerless -- denying your freedom."

"Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves."

-- Dr. Rollo May

kls

Good one Frannie. I read a long time ago that i am type A and it is good to see a refresher course as how type A people should live.

Frannie Banannie

Keep them brain farts coming,,,,,,,LOL

LOL, kls! You must have heard about not holdin' in yer farts, cause they travel up yer spine to your brain and that's where ya get shitty ideas...heh

Frannie

kls

Sounds like you are an expert at them ,,,,,,,,LOL,,,,Watch out when Frannie opens her mouth she gonna blow!!!!!!

Frannie Banannie

Sounds like you are an expert at them ,,,,,,,,LOL,,,,Watch out when Frannie opens her mouth she gonna blow!!!!!!

LOL! I don't hold 'em in, kls....I just travel real fast to the next aisle in the grocery store or Wally World...heheh

Satanus

Sounds like these guys have identified a problem, but don't have any real actual things that you can do to get out of the problem. 'Refuse to feel' something is pretty weak. It's just a suppression of a feeling. Suppression doesn't work for long. What is needed, imo, is a new action that replaces the old.

S

Frannie Banannie

What is needed, imo, is a new action that replaces the old.

Welllllll......I could always kick somebody's ass, yanno. That'd be taking appropriate action against fear, wouldn't it?

Satanus

Yah, that is one way. But, then you become the bad guy in the eyes of the other. As a mental masterbater, i was thinking of how to detatch from the other person enough so that i don't care whether they like what i do or not. Like maybe i won't even do what they want me to. Give some plausable reason for not being able to, or put it off. Then, the guilt can hit. Then you justify yourself in the face of guilt. 'Course, you always gotta be ready to face the repercussions, if there are any. Passive agressivity can surface too. It can be a probelm.

S

Frannie Banannie

Yah, that is one way. But, then you become the bad guy in the eyes of the other.

LOL, Satanus! welp.....since I don't require their approval anyway......

Satanus

That's good. Oops, sorry, i didn't mean to be giving you approval

S

Overcoming the Need for Approval.

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