Abused Elders Son: Self-Mulitation
What a horrible situation. I can't help but wonder if C called your daughter (out of the blue) because he has heard and seen how you have gone to bat for her. Instinctively he knows you will try to help and protect him. I notice that the people who are willing to help these kids in trouble, generally will have all they can handle coming into their circle looking for assistance. Good for you for being there. I hope this boy gets the help he needs.
I can't help but wonder if C called your daughter (out of the blue) because he has heard and seen how you have gone to bat for her. Instinctively he knows you will try to help and protect him.
I think you may be on to something there. I remember the faces of the children and the teenagers at the KH when I was out there with my big signs. They also saw my girls standing out there boldly with signs exposing the abuse. Their mouths were hanging open in disbelief, but you could also tell they were impressed; they saw their peers actually speaking out about something they themselves can't find the voice for.
To the JW's I knew personally who had teen children of whom I knew were also going through the same things, and drifting, into drugs, alcohol, leading "a double life", I would ask not only if they knew my children were being abused (implying that I knew they at least turned a blind eye to it because they were treating their kids the same disgusting way) and I would also ask how their kids were doing. It really struck a nerve in them I could tell, but it also sent the message home that I KNEW and they were in danger of being exposed too. The cowards.
I once had a telephone conversation with C a few months back when Elese was dating Carl. C is a close friend to Carl and would often call the house secretly, sneaking behind his parents backs to talk to my girls. I told C that I was aware that his parents would not approve and that I felt uncomfortable with it. I used a little phycology on him, for his benefit, and told him that while I thought highly of him, respected him, and wished that he could freely associate with my kids, that I really would love to see that happen, I thought he should not be sneaking around behind his parents backs. I told him that, other than that, I looked forward to the day when he was free of the bullsh*t and able to confidently and freely walk into my home knowing he had people that cared about him. He thanked me and said he understood.
Well the situation has definitely degenerated in his home and elder-dad is probably sweating losing his position in the congregation when he sees his youngest son wants nothing to do with "the truth", which indicates that he does not have his family in submission. So he bares down harder on the boy. He will either break him, or kill him trying. It angers me so much I don't know whether to spit or go blind.
I'm so glad that you went to the authorities. This poor child needs help and I agree that he has reached out to you knowing what happened with your own daughter and how you supported her all the way.
These parents are going to lose their child forever. Tightening the noose will drive their son away. And then when their son refuses to have anything to do with this sick religion and with them, they will wring their hands and moan and groan, totally oblivious to their own abusive behavior that led to this situation. Where is the love that is supposed to characterize THE HAPPIEST PEOPLE ON THE EARTH? What a joke that is. If parents can't show love to their own children, then how can they show that love to anyone else?
I remember the things that I did when I was a teenager. Thank God I didn't grow up as a Witness. My life would have been a living hell. I would most certainly have been disfellowshipped for the things that I did. That would have been devestating. Please let us know how things work out.
Swami Elsewhere is having a vision of the fuuuuture?. Yes, I see?. I see? I see a Special Needs talk about children being submissive to their parents with a reminder that under the Mosaic Law disobedient children were stoned to death.
I am just wishing so badly to see C's elder-dad's face when the social worker shows up at his door with lots of questions. I hope his alligator arrogant mouth overloads his JW-J-bird arse. Please send positive thoughts C's way.
You are doing a tremendous thing to help this young man. In addition to contacting CPS, I would strongly encourage you (along with Nancy) to make a trip to "C's" new school and have a long talk with the guidance counsellor so that "C" can have additional support from that avenue as well. This needs to become documentary evidence in his school file. Instead of writing him off as a "problem child" they need to know that he is in serious trouble at home, and needs whatever resources are at his disposal so that he can have a life line. The teachers, who see him on a daily basis away from home, will be able to testify to his level of distraction, his hypervigilance, his mood, his motivation or lack thereof. It needs to be in black-and-white that the abuse he is suffering at home is destroying him academically.
It is not uncommon for abusers to move kids from school to school when the heat starts to get turned on. It puts the child at a disadvantage of being in a totally new environment, with nobody familiar that they have learned to trust. It's the same kind of subterfuge that abusers use with smaller kids when their injuries from abuse require medical attention: they go to different hospitals and clinics so that a "paper trail" doesn't get established.
I'm getting chills down my spine thinking of the horrors these kids are going through.
I would strongly encourage you (along with Nancy) to make a trip to "C's" new school and have a long talk with the guidance counsellor so that "C" can have additional support from that avenue as well.
Yes, good idea, scully. I will do just that, and I will let you know what happens there.
Corvin, I'm excited at the thought that Child Protective Services are going to be notified and hopefully will get involved! They can't help but get involved since there's depression and self mutilation evident.
Good for you and Nancy - the positive steps you're taking will really do some good, not only in C's case but I'm just sure, in many more to come.
Please keep us informed on this case (I know you will!).
I have observed in the past years the JW religion becoming more extreme and the people who chose to stay in it are following suit--which includes everyone I have known in the past 20 years. Even some of the JWs who used to be "cool" well, semi-"cool" are acting out more and more out of character (without love). I expecially feel the young people as they seem to be taking the brunt of much of this insane religion. I feel for them the most. It may be their parents choice to be a part of it, but the young people are not allowed choice or voice. In the end this is one of the factors that lead me to leaving the Org--the young people--including my daughter were being treated like crap and some of these were really good kids! Case in point; I was talking with a sister (right before I made my exit) Her son had been in a car accident and had received a severe concussion. She was telling me that since that time he is really tired and wants to sleep in the evening and how she has to force him to go to study and go to the meetings. I tried to reason with her about the medical implications of having a head injury such as he did and the recovery time needed, but she seemed to have no sympathy for it and her big concern was her son getting to those meetings no matter what! What torture these people are putting their kids through. It is symtomatic of the religion system they belong to.
Glad you are trying to help, Corvin--keep up the good work.
The best to you and yours,
Sympathy on so many levels... urgh...
Good work Corvin. I just wish... someone like you had been around when I was growing up...
Keep us updated.