Abused Elders Son: Self-Mulitation

by Corvin 19 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  Corvin

  A longtime friend of my daughters, we will call him "C", called my daughter, Nancy, yesterday. He is the 17-year-old son of an elder in my ex-wife?s congregation. C?s father and mother are highly controlling and abusive to the young man. Things have gone from rotten to desperate for the boy according to my daughter, Nancy.

  The boy has perpetually been grounded since he started puberty. He is more than cut off from friends. When he is grounded, he can?t even talk to people while at the meetings. He has to just sit there, and when approached by friends, he has to cut it short as if he were disfellowshipped.

  Recently, C started secretly "dating" a young sister. The PO?s, (JD?s) niece, is friends with the young sister and found out that C was dating her secretly. She gave C that self-righteous little ultimatum, that, if he did not tell his parents he was going out with the young sister, SHE WOULD.

  Well C?s parents found out and not just grounded the boy, again

  , but made him change high schools to get him away from the sister he was secretly dating. Turns out that Nancy?s best friend, D, also goes to that high school. Nancy was visiting with D over the weekend and C called to talk to Nancy. He confided in Nancy some of the things that were happening which include the above and the following. C is becoming severely depressed, as his parents are becoming increasingly abusive and hard on him. He has begun cutting on himself (self-mutilation) and suicidal ideation is a given in his case even though he never said it. His parents saw the cuts on his arms and/or hands and his mother told him that if he did not stop cutting on himself, and stop seeing that young sister, he would get beaten since that?s all he seems to understand. His elder-dad has a history of beating C, and many of the kids in the congregation know about it.

  This angers me so much, because I know this boy and my kids know this boy, and he is so sweet and good, and my girls are so pissed off at his parents for what they are doing to him.

  I am going to get involved

  . I am going to the police and to CPS. I am going to report the abuse because it is obvious that the boy is at risk. He needs intervention before it is too late for him. Nancy has agreed to talk to CPS and tell them what C told her about his situation, in order to get him help. She realizes that C has no idea that there is help and intervention out there, and we intend to get him that support and protection.

  My god! These kids need help and all their parents can do is beat them further into that sickening submission, even if it kills them.

  Corvin
• 

  Nosferatu

  What a sad story.

  He has begun cutting on himself (self-mutilation)

  I went through this as well. I've still got the scars to prove it. I hope you and your daughter can help this poor guy.
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  drwtsn32

  Geez...that is horrible! I get so angry when I hear things like this!

  Do you think CPS can help? I wonder if they can act when the parents are "only" hurting him by being ultra-controlling. If they can't do anything, I hope he turns 18 soon so he can get the hell out of there.
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  jgnat

  A smart parent has a whole range of tools at disposal to help guide a youngster. I have used; agreements, rewards, chore schedules, natural consequences, lectures (oops, I mean, discussions), time outs, withdrawal of priveledges, and on and on.

  It seems these parents have only two: grounding and beatings.

  Without understanding there is a range of choices, people of limited perspective continue on in the only way they know how. They dig themselves in ever deeper whenever they feel threatened. I work with people like this. They think they are kick-butt supervisors. They have no idea how much creativity and energy they are cutting off at source.

  Parenting a teen is a scary thing. A parent can react by knee-jerking in the control, or by sucking it up and guide loosely, with a loving hand. Be involved, know what is going on, and nip problems in the bud.

  The best illustration I ever heard for the teen experience was from our youth pastor, who described all the developmental and physical changes as like being in an open boat on stormy seas. Too often the parents are rocking the boat wildly screaming, "We are all gonna DIEEEEE." More than anything, our teenagers want us to keep our heads.

  Corvin, it is the right thing to get intervention for this family, as arms-length as you can make it. These parents do need to learn some new tools on how to deal with their son. The "Secret to Family Happiness" does not have all the answers.
• 

  95stormfront

  These kids need help and all their parents can do is beat them further into that sickening submission, even if it kills them.

  That does seem to be the parental JW modis operandi doesn't it.........the beatings and humiliation will continue until you submit to the will of us and the org !!!!!

  The few years I considered myself a JW, I saw myself doing the very same thing justifying to myself that this would save them and they would be good little JW drones and in the process stifling my kids individuality and creativity. When I finally came to my senses and stopped submitting to the abusive pattern of JW authority, my wife picked up where I left off and had gotten to the point where she was doing this with our kids until I intervened. If at any time they disagreed with she'd sit him down with some type of WT publication and do a Q and A with them not allowing them to deviate from whatever was in the rags.

  I put a stop to that real quick and it's one of the reason's why they want nothing to do with being a JW.
• 

  Corvin

  Do you think CPS can help? I wonder if they can act when the parents are "only" hurting him by being ultra-controlling.

  "Ultra controlling" is only the tip of the iceburger.

  1. There have been beatings and physical punishment. Once C got slapped by his elder-dad in the Kingdom Hall in front of the entire congregation for accidentally or unconsciously kicking the seat in front of him. C has also told my daughters how his father has hit him in the face.

  2. With the severe depression and self-mutilation, there is evidence of abuse and emotional trouble in the home, and the parents will be held accountable. The boy is definitely at risk and the social workers will see it that way and will at least "ask" the family to get voluntary counseling. If they should refuse, it will be officially noted and the family will be watched closely and the next incident of abuse will warrant mandatory counseling. It sort of works like that.

  I called CPS child abuse hotline after the initial post of this thread and told them all I knew. I feel better knowing that it will at least be investigated and C's sob father and hateful mother will be made to give account for their methods of discipline. I also told the cps worker that they will be dealing with a high-control religious group and mom and dad would try to stonewall the investigation due to the secret nature of the organization. She asked what religion. I told her. They know what they will be dealing with now and I am confident they will approach C in the right way. They will first, most likely, visit C at school away from the parents and without their knowledge. C will be taken by surprise and questioned about his homelife, about various abuse types. They will look at his arms and hands for signs of mutilation, bruises, etc., and I feel sorry that he will be caught off guard, but it is the only way. After talking to C, the cps worker will probably try to make contact with the other brother, 18, living in the home. After that, they will go knocking on mom and dad's door equipped with the children's statements and more knowledge of the situation, and they will definitely put mom and dad on the spot. Wish I could be there to watch and listen.

  I sincerely hope that C will see this as an opportunity to get some relief.

  Corvin
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  drwtsn32

  Excellent, Corvin... I really hope this kid gets the help he needs. Glad you called and did something about it!
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  Fe2O3Girl

  How horrific.

  What a good thing that C has a friend in Nancy. I really hope that the CPS will be able to help this boy. Well done to you for calling them!
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  avishai

  Corvin, absolutley the right thing to do. Go git 'em !
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  Billygoat

  I wasn't a cutter, but I was definitely an abused child. I used to fantasize about someone coming from CPS and whisking me away. The two times we actually had CPS visit us, I had JUST been beaten. The first time, Dad said I was sick in bed and told me he'd beat me if I tried to come out while the investigators were there. The second time he locked me in my bedroom and told the investigators that I was at a friend's. To this day, I am still harboring resentment at that damn CPS investigator for NOT doing anything. I could have had a totally different childhood.