Dear Hubert, please forgive me for not looking up my own links on this.........I have told my story so many times here I wouldnt know which one to choose from. If ya have time just look under my name under the Member directory and usually my title post will speak of my Mother.
It is a long complicated story, one of depression, Elders, disfellowshipping, and the utter grief when one tender soul couldn't take the pain any longer. That person was my Mother, Lura Anne, age 35. I am now older than my mother and there are some wounds that will never heal . Maybe I can come back to this thread in a bit, even after so many years , having nothing to do with stumbling on this thread,,,,,it is just hard to think about.
Well, on second thought, I have to remember that part of my reason for posting on this board is to speak for my Mother and for the pain her suicide caused me.
To give ya the quickest overview of it I will try my best: She was married at 15, had me at 16 , studied with the JW's ,she and my Dad got baptised when I was 2 or 3. She had migraines and other physical pain problems and a bad relationship with her mother for her marrying my dad so young. She was a young elders wife and delt with most of her problems on her own, while Dad made the big bucks and had prominence as one of the youngest PO's in the district. She became addicted to pain pills , in and out of rehab, all the while the elders, and myPO dad ignored her problem.
Things were bad at home, but there was no speaking of it but when things blew up. We had to obey at our home, and we had to hide it all. When I was 17, things hit rock bottom again, well, I found rock bottom was a place that was deeper than the rock bottom before it. Dad cheated on my mom while she was in rehab with a much younger sister in our congregation,,,,,,,,,,,I even caught them in my mom's room while she was still in the hospital. Mama never came home . She finished her rehab, and I thought she was on her way to finally finding herself , getting well and whole . The only thing is she started smoking cigs again, it is really hard to come off drugs ,,,,,,,,,I witnessed the horrible things she went thru physically, even her begging me to stop the pain , so I know the pressure to smoke was even worse . Every one , almost all of the ones in her rehab smoked, and she felt so guilty for "sinning". The elders heard of what my dad was up to, they went all out in investigating, like they were Police , staking out our house, taking pictures, at all hours, to get my Dad (and rightly so ) as the elders in our congregation were more than willing to make him pay for his hypocrisay. Well my Mama went down with my Dad and they went after her , as hard as they did my Dad( this was not rightly so IMO) .
She was disfellowshipped, by mail , a short letter telling her she was d/a. They, the elders, and most of the "friends", didnt go see her in the hospital, no cards, no calls, nothing.
She felt so guilty for sinning agaisnt Jehovah. She and I talked about it. She said he wouldnt forgive her for her drug abuse, and for smoking because in her mind she felt she knew better. In all of my 17 year old mind , I tried to tell her that a loving God would understand and that she could get help and he would forgive her and love her still. She just looked at me as if she had never heard anyone say that before.
Two weeks or so later, she jumped from a high bridge and drowned.
In my mind,,,,,,,,,,my Dad is to blame, her own depression and demons, and YES the WT............for making it so damn hard to be imperfect. And , for the lies.............the "Brothers" are supposed to love you no matter what. The elders are to be a "shelter" from the storm. They were not. They were so quick to judge her, condemn her. They will forever have blood on their hands , in my eyes.
Not a one, came to her funeral........she was freshly disfellowshipped,,,,,,,,for what??? Smoking.... how sad.
The sister in the congregation, who always sent food to the sick , gave her own clothes to the ones who had none, who sent flowers to those in the hospital, all the while signing the whole congregations name, when it was her money and idea to do so.............Didnt get ONE flower arrangement from a soul in our whole circuit.
That hurt me the most..........not a annyomous flower arrangement sent. It was as if , she never exsisted and all she had done and cared for others never happened.
Like I said,,,,,,something can not be forgiven, and some wounds never heal.