I visited my elderly JW parents today

by BrendaCloutier 12 Replies latest jw experiences

  • BrendaCloutier

    I had business in that end of town, and just stopped by. I had been wanting to do so for quite a while. My parents will be 87 each next month. I wanted to thank them for everything they have done for me and taught me (sans JW stuff). I was adopted and know enought about my siblings lives to know that I was much better off.

    I havent seen them in over 10 years. Last time I brought my husband #3 to be to introduce him. My dad totally ignored my fiance and never once put down the paper he was reading. My mom, ever the cordial one.

    I figured either 1) they would not let me in and tell me to go away, 2) not answer the door even though they were home, or 3) answer, let me in, my mom be pleasant and my dad thump me when he got the chance.

    It was 3. But my dad was very pleasant and never once thumped! So unlike him. Well, he is old. Has had a rough time with losses from diabetes, and he's a bit child-like.

    All in all it was a wonderful visit. I thanked each for the things they taught me: My mom for teaching me to sew, and for patience in sewing to rip out and redo, and for teaching me patternmaking and design. My dad for turning me loose in his workshop and showing me how to use his power tools. For teaching me how electricity and plumbing and cars work, and for showing me how to read maps, and electrical/electronic schematics. All of which I've used in business, especially my 15 years in the computer industry.

    I kept welling up in tears: when the heart overflows with gratitude, it comes out the eyeballs.

    They want me to come back and keep coming back. Even "my Kevan" is welcome! They've changed. "Time wounds all heals" is so true.




  • Happy Guy :)
    Happy Guy :)

    Wonderful news Brenda

  • anewlife

    I'm so happy for you!

    My parents have just reached their 60s. I've been out 5 years and do not plan on ever going back.

    A few months ago my mom (who hasn't talked to me in a couple of years) called to tell me my aunt had passed away and invited me to the KH for the service. I was somewhat abrupt and short with her, asking her, "Why would I want to go to a place where I'm only to be ignored and not able to talk with anyone?" She replied she wanted to keep me "abreast of what was happening with the family." I told her I didn't need to know if they weren't going to have me apart of their lives on a day to day basis. I asked her what would happen if she ever got sick. She said she'd call and let me know. I replied to her, "Mom, wouldn't you rather see me when you're healthy and be able to talk to me, rather than at a time when you were sick and frail?" She said, "Well, yeah!" So I left it at that. That was in May. She has not called once since.

    Your story gives me hope....Maybe 20 years or so is all they need.

  • hubert

    (((((Brenda and anewlife)))))....Hugs to you both. It's so sad to hear these stories. It's too bad that it takes years before some families change. Hubert

  • Jez

    Ouch. 10 years. Ouch to all of us in the same boat. My chest is actually aching at the thought of how horrible this religion really is to take families away from each other. Imagine not seeing your children for 10 years. Ouch.

  • mamochan13

    double *ouch* Jez. I can't imagine not seeing my children for 10 years. But I know the pain - I've not spoken to my brother in 5 years nor will ever again. To Brendacloutier & anewlife...I hope you can find a way to mend fences. I hope your parents will see that some things are more important than the watchtower. good luck.

  • acsot

    Brenda, good news! I'm glad that there will be some sort of reconciliation now that your folks are elderly, and perhaps seeing what's really important in life, like family, and not the coldhearted Watchtower society.

  • Balsam


    My Mom lived with me the last 10 years of her life from 75 to 85. Well the last 5 years she was not able to attend meetings, and she gradually drifted away from the JW thinking. She was quite funny about it sometimes. Calling the Elders Stuffed Shirts, and telling me not to let those boring men in to see her. I think the more they are away from the baloney and the mind control, they soften. I hope you can visit your parents more, it will enrich your life and theirs before they pass on.


  • BrendaCloutier

    So far, thank you everyon for your kind words.

    Balsam, you mom sounds like she was a hoot! I'm so glad you got the time with her. You're a better person for it.

    Ruth, I plan on visiting my parents often just for those reasons. I'm sure you can see from my first post that I value them. And from my visit, I found that they value me, too, as much as they are able.

    The biggest thing that pissed me off over the years is that my folks had no idea who I was, or am. They'd talk about how smart Markie is (raised non-jw, went to college) and how he works with computers and travels all over the place, yet I had to tell her that I did the same thing, and taught all over the US and Canada. She was shocked. "How did you do this, did you go to school?" "No, I learned on my own, on the job, from some very intelligent mentors."

    We can, and I do, carry these resentments for years. We all know we've enough resentments with the WBTS, JW's and any family that are still there. But sometimes it's necessary in one's life to put these resentments aside and do the right thing. For me, it was time to try again, inspite of them. For me, it worked this time. Time was right.

    I'm set that if they bring up why I don't.... that I will tell them "... that is not why I'm here. I'm here to see you and not to discuss the WBTS doctrine." If they continue, I will leave. I found out 15 years ago they have no more power over me. I've even managed to give a couple "right on" answers to see my dad speechless - and my dad is NEVER speechless! (My dad, Saggitarius, as am I, an elder all my life and many times a PO and many years on the JC.)

    There will be more to come.

    Hugs, and thanx for the love and support


  • bebu

    Thanks for sharing that! Very encouraging story, and so glad to see that you could reconnect in the way you had hoped!


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