I need help - Do I go to the ceremony or not?
I'm with Blondie on this one ! ...
There are not themself (is he still your son ? Or the WTBS once ... that's the question)
I also agree with Blondie and for me to attend an event were i am looked upon as a parasite there is no way i would give them the satisfaction of using me as an example of what shunning is all about.
I say don't go. If he wanted you there, there would've been an invite . The last thing he needs on this, his special day, is to be upset by anything. I think you should call your son, and ask if it would be okay if you came, sat in back, and left quietly. His answer should determine your actions. Buying a gift nevertheless would be a nice gesture.
Sprocket. Welcome back.
This is a very sad situation. and I feel for you. Well I cannot give you advice personally, I can repeat what I have seen discussed on this discussion board.
I would go to the ceremony. I would attend in a respectful manner, and leave quietly after it is over. I would not call your son to tell him your intentions, nor ask his permission to attend. This may get the whole family in a tither, and add stress to all involved. Just perform a "stealth love attack" and leave.
xjw_b12 just my 2 pieces of silver
Let us know what you decide, and how you fare.
I agree to go there and be bigger than them. Don't play their games and live by their rules. They have no control over you anymore. I say show up and be polite. Just like you were at any other place. Show that your love isn't conditional on being a member of a paper distribution company. Send a nice gift as well.
You are anquishing over this precisely because it is a difficult decision. I am not sure what I would do in your shoes. There was a time, not too long ago, when I would have sided with those who say: "Go. Be big about it. Show love."
On the other hand, a scripture seems to apply: "Let the dead bury their dead."
You just have to work it out in a way that's best for you.
TS : I agree to go there and be bigger than them
there's no bigger than anything here, there's only opinions and a majority on the place to feel good about themselves in the way they will act or react (they are still good people everywhere even in the JW world of course) ... the situation in itself (shuned from a long time ago is stressfull enough) being a bit too quite and acting like (I'm the poor one that haven't been invited and here anyway won't be perceived the way We at the stage we are are able to see IT) ...
also if you think about his son (he might feel bad about it anyway its a stange situation) what's really good in that ? ... But a gift and a little card for congrats in a total control - without having to act respectfully as the unwanted one - will have more good effect and induce less troubles (whenever he son's wake up or not in the futur - caus he might regret to not having beeing as nice as he should have been that day about his real father !!!)
I feel for you, it's situations like this that demonstrate the GB's inhumanity.
I have to say I fully agree with lawrence's comment:
He will always be your son. I say go, dress well, be polite, don't get freaked as they look at you as if you had 4 heads. Say hello to whomever says hello to you (if that happens). Leave after the ceremony without hanging around. Mail a gift, if you intend to give one. Be bigger than them!
Thinking of you,
Well, I cannot thank all of you all enough for your concern and advice.
Yes, an extremely tough decision:
(a) Go, be shunned, risk having some elder or family member creating a scene, and the ensuing consequences
(b) Play it safe, stay home, don't see my son get married, and send along a card/gift (I did send a card when my daughter got married after the fact, and never heard back)
It is sad. My ex (who is still a witness) doesn't mind taking Cdn$3,000 per month in support from me (even though she works), which I am sure I am paying for part of this wedding somehow. Maybe that is the only solace I take: I was part of the wedding and my son does not even know it.