WHAT IF....We changed bible stories as if JW's really were there?

by jgnat 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • jgnat

    For example, the story of the Good Samaritan. What would a JW passerby do?

    He would not stop to help because our life on earth is only temporary, and paradise is more important. Besides, he is on his way to the meeting. He would, however, drop by the hospital later to drop off a Watchtower. After all, taking care of spiritual needs is superior to taking care of the needs of the body. The injured man would kick him out of his room, and the JW would go on his way, secure in his innocence, shaking the dust off his sandals.

    How would other bible stories be rewritten?

    1. What would a JW say to the woman at the well?
    2. What would JW comforters have said to Job?
    3. The father of the prodigal son?
    4. The JW farmer whose donkey is stuck on a ditch on meeting night?
    5. Ten JW virgins?
  • outnfree

    1. What would a JW say to the woman at the well?

    A JW would scorn the woman at the well, after all, she's an adulteress, plainly admitting that the man she is "with" now is not her husband. The JW would put on that superior smile, condescendingly explaining how her Samaritan religion was wrong, wrong, wrong, that only the Witnesses knew how to worship in spirit and truth and would make her feel dumb and defensive. Therefore, the JW would not get the favorable report that Jesus did, and would miss out on witnessing to all of the woman's male neighbors.

  • Xandria

    I don't think JW would survive bible times, they would have made too many enemies.

    But, if they did the story of the Loafs and the Fishes..

    They all would have to have tokens to purchase the loafs and fishes. They could not give the extra food to the "worldly".


  • bebu

    10 JW Virgins:

    5 virgins were wise, and went to all the meetings and did service every Saturday. They refused to vote, salute the flag, celebrate holidays, and shunned all the DF/DA'd. They updated their bloodcards every year.

    5 virgins were foolish. They went online and typed "jehovah's witnesses" into a search engine, and eventually found www.freeminds.org, www.jehovahs-witness.com, and other extremely foolish sites. Eventually they began to ask some foolish questions of their elders, and all 5 were all quickly DF for apostacy.

    The 5 wise virgins shunned the 5 foolish virgins while they were all waiting for the Bridegroom with their lamps. When the Bridegroom came, he opened the door for all the guests to enter. The 5 wise virgins refused to join the wedding feast, sniffing that they would certainly never wish to be in the company of wretched apostates, even for the sake of the Bridegroom.

    The foolish virgins immensely enjoyed the heavenly wedding; the wise virgins told themselves that earth was surely paradise, anyway...


    OR: the wise virgins told themselves that earth, even after "Ah'm a-gittin'", earth was paradise enough for them.

  • jgnat

    Wow, wow, wow! Lots of creativity here. Your JW characters do remain true to character. How would other bible stories have changed if the JW's had been there?

  • jgnat

    Bebu, your story of the ten virgins (and JW's version of Paradise) reminds me of an incident in Heaven that C. S. Lewis wrote in his last Narnia book. The children were running along the vast plain when they came across a huddle of miserable dwarves. The dwarves had so convinced themselves that the world was heading for a terrible end, they were incapable of seeing heaven all around them. They sat there, shivering, content in their delusion.

  • NeonMadman
    What would JW comforters have said to Job?

    Probably not much different than what Job's "comforters" actually did say - you are covering up some secret sin, so Jehovah is punishing you. Repent!

    Of course, a JW would have added that Job needed to be more regular at the meetings and get out in service more.

    And, now that I think of it, Job's "secret sin" may well have been allowing his children to have those birthday parties.

  • jgnat

    outnfree, I wonder how many great witnesses the JW's miss out on, in their attempt to "prove" their "rightness"? The very sad thing, is that they remain untouched by such incidents, convincing themselves that such people are unreachable.

    Xandria, I agree. It is our peaceful, law-abiding, technological society that allows the JW's to survive at all. You had me in stitches with the loaves and fishes story. I can see the orderly lines, the surly servers, the directions to not leave any crumbs for the cleanup crew.

  • jgnat

    Good point, NeonMadman. Would the JW Jehovah have found Job worthy? What would Job have had to do to re-establish himself in Jehovah's favour?

  • Nosferatu

    1. What would JW comforters have said to Job?

    They would have told him that he'll get to see his dead children in the Paradise Erf, which would happen after Armageddon, which is just around the corner. They would have also told him that his sickness would be cured, and he would be restored to perfection. They would also give him that stupid tract with the picture of Paradise Erf on it (can't remember what it's called)

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