Telling my 85 year old dad the reasons why

by littlemike 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • 4JWY
    I simply told her that I was still the little boy she raised all those years ago...that I still carried with me the love of truth - genuine truth - that she'd put in me way back then, and I had to honor the truth as I saw it.

    (((teejay))) - so nicely stated and any parent would have to realize they'd done something right to have raised a child able to express such a tender, thoughtful comment. Your mom appears to be very content right where she's at and that's a plus going into those last years. It sounds like you are handling your situation well and I'm sure your thoughts will give everyone a good perspective on supporting a still jw parent, despite your own new thoughts on a belief system.

  • kls

    Wether it was to be said of not it was so that is past but my feeling are if you cannot be honest with your parent then there is not much of a relationship. You told him how you feel and that is a loving child expressing how he feels to a parent.Wether 85 or not he is still your parent and if what you said will help him see through the JWS with the doubts he has that is great.

  • Doubtfully Yours
    Doubtfully Yours

    Oh brother, 85 years old???!!! For the love of God, let the guy die happy!!!

    How cruel is that gesture of yours if you carry it out!!!!!!!!!


  • Mulan
    For the love of God, let the guy die happy!!!

    My thoughts EXACTLY

  • Nosferatu

    My mother is in her mid-50s, and she is miserable. She still has her abusive past still haunting her, and she has to live with my father. The WTS has fixed NOTHING. She's forced to stay with my father, and she's just hoping he dies before her so she can experience some freedom.

    She claims that she's a much better person since she joined the JWs, but she's been miserable all her life. The WTS prevents her from getting therapy and getting a divorce. The WTS has also taught her to lie about the past which has prevented me from forgiving her.

    All I see is a person who is wasting their remaining years in a stupid cult.

    She asked me once, "What would you like to see me do if I left". I told her to persue music. She said "I'm too old". I said, "No you're not, look at our neighbor, he's in his 80s and playing lots of music. She couldn't disagree with me, so she just stood there quiet.

  • kilroy2

    The socity them selves say that when a person leaves the religon that they should just go their own way and not talk against the religon,

    My reply is the same for the old parents and grand parents. if you shut the hell up about the religion, then I will shut up to you about it, but most cant abide by that

    they feel the need to convert you espically a child parent relationship,

    so why do we have to do what they will not?

  • booker-t

    littlemike I like your post. I felt the same way with my 75 year old mom. I love her dearly but I have come to the realization that trying to force her to see that the WTS has lied and coverered-up many things is like trying to move Mt. Everest. When I left in the 90's I talked to I was blue in the face. She sat down and watched the "witnesses of jehovah" film with me and my christian buddy who help me see the light about the WT and she dismissed the whole film as "apostate liars" who are part of the evil slave class trying to trick the JW's. I then realized that JW's are so programmed that only Jehovah and Jesus can open their eyes. So now I don't and I mean don't discuss religion anymore with her. Everytime I go over her house I get that "apostate" stare from my family. They act as if I have vomit all over me. I feel so uncomfortable that I rarely go over their because of my family and their fear of "apostates". I used to think that "apostates" had the demons in them when I was a staunch JW and I mean I was more staunchier than my mom before I DA'd myself, so I just have left it in Jehovah's and Jesus hands. Mulan I just "love" your comments when you post because you always give good advice and I never detect JW-bashing from you. JW-bashing only reinforce JW's that we as ex-JWs are bitter, disgruntle DA'd and Df'd JW's who are trying to bring Jehovah's organization down. My christian buddy was right when he told me just wait and be patient and slowly my mom will start having some doubts. Fast forward to 2004 I almost had my eyes pop out of my head when I went over to my mom's house and saw that my non-jw niece who lives with my mom had "Christmas lights" in her room. We could not even say the word "christmas" when I was growing up because it was demonized and to look at a christmas tree would have brought Jehovah's wrath. So my christian friend was 100% right when he predicted that my mom would slowly break away from the JW's. She has become inactive at the meetings and I feel that in her own mind she is tired of the "armaggeddon is the around the corner" game. So littlemike just let Jehovah and Jesus do their work on your mother and not try to beat her upside the head with the JW's are wrong speeches.

  • Nosferatu

    The less doctrine I discuss with my mother, the better. Real life situations such as the WTS' motives for doing what they do work much better (ie refurbishing KHs when they don't need it, buying and selling really stupid properties, the donation system, etc)

  • Jankyn

    This is a tough nut, but in spite of identifying big-time with Nos's description (Mom's been a dedicated JW for 50 years this month, has been clinically depressed for at least the last 40 years and never sought treatment due to the WT's position on therapy)--I have to come down on the side of Mulan's prudent advice.

    I've dealt with the honesty issue by simply responding to Mom's "What do you think?" sort of questions ("What do you think about the state of the world? Doesn't it look like this system is getting closer and closer to the end?") with this: "You don't really want to know what I think, because I don't agree with you at all on this topic. Let's not argue. Let's talk about something else."

    Yes, I'm angry because of all she's given up to live in service to a book-publishing company, and I'm mad as hell that this sorry excuse for a religion hasn't given her any comfort at all, has in fact made her feel like somehow she's to blame for her depression and for the fact that none of her kids became JWs. But I also recognize that her belief system is so ingrained--and that the process of coming out of the Tower is so psychologically disruptive and painful--that forcing the issue might be too much for her to take. She's passively attempting suicide (refusing to make changes in her behavior and get medical treatment that could prolong her life)--I suspect if I made a concerted effort at this point to disrupt her belief system, she might actively attempt suicide.

    It's frustrating. But I have to make a decision about whether a damaged relationship with my mother is better than none at all. I've had friends--and even a therapist--suggest that my mother is so "toxic," I'd be better off if I ended the relationship. That smacks of shunning. I want to be better than that. So I try to wage love, while keeping my boundaries as firmly in place as I can. Not perfect, but better than it might be.


  • Kaethra

    I'm absolutely with Mulan on this one. My mom has her friends and family at the hall. She has meetings and studying and service to give her life purpose. I can't imagine what she would do without that. I think it would be devastating to realize the Lie at this point and it would cut me to the core to see her go through that.

    If they are still open enough to have a relationship with you, then let them have their faith. Talk about other things that you have in common and leave the religion out of it. Of course, it's different if they want to continue to preach to you. Then you may need to state your reasons for disbelief in order to scare them away from the topic. ha

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