Needing peace and friendship

by snbdye2000 24 Replies latest jw friends

  • snbdye2000

    Well the title of my subject seems a bit pathetic, but I truly am in need of friendship. My whole life and marriage have been turned upside down with my husband "studying" with a Jehovah's Witness. He hasnt done a lot of meeting with this man, but he does believe all their doctrine. I was able to get him to agree to research the organization. I felt that was the best place to start. I bought a couple of books, mainly Reasoning from the Scriptures with JW's, and also have Crisis of Conscience on order, which he says he will read. Tonight we were supposed to start on the Reasoning book. In a 3 hour time, he basically heard one page. He kept going off on so many different topics that my head is spinning. He finally said that he thinks the best thing to do is to have this JW friend of his come here and discuss the book with me. I told him that I doubted he would agree to that, but if he would agree that we will ONLY use this book of mine to read from and discuss from, then fine I would do it. I didnt feel like I had any choice BUT to agree. It scares me to death though. I have visions of him running circles around me and convincing my husband that I'm a nutcase! At the end of the evening my husband told me something that really bothered me. First, you have to understand that he was moved to a new location for his job...and the JW moved into a new house. At first I was happy, since this took my husband out of the area where they had been meeting (on my husbands work lunch breaks). Well come to find out, the JW bought a house only 2 blocks from where my husband now works. So anyhow, today the JW told my husband that he really feels that God lead him to this house, and Shawn to this new job....because God wants them to continue to meet and for my husband to learn the truth. Of course, I see this as b.s. I see this statement as a nice little way to convince my husband to continue to meet with him, since my husband told him before this that we had decided to research things and that he wasnt going to meet with the JW until we were done. I hope that I'm making some sense here. Anyhow, the main reason I'm writing is because I am just totally devastated by this. I have such fear that it's already too late. I hope that I' m wrong, I pray that I'm wrong. But I cant seem to stop crying about it. I thought I married someone that shared my beliefs. For seven years we've been together, we have a beautiful 5 year old daughter. And now he tells me I cant celebrate her birthday or Christmas - he even brought home a childrens book to start teaching her from. And she's been going to a Christian pre-school for 2 years now! I am not writing to get advice on how to proceed - what information to use or anything like that. I just need a friend. I need to know that I'm not alone in my pain and that I'm not making up this pain! It's real. This is a real threat to absolutely everything I love and hold dear to me. I dont have much faith that it will work out the way I want it to. I dont know how to get that faith back. I'm starting to wonder why God is putting me through this. I feel like I"ve been totally abandoned by God and I know that's wrong to feel that way. But I truly dont know how to keep hope alive and I have absolutely no one to talk to about these things. I'm hoping someone can relate and would be willing to email with me.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    well if it is support you are looking for you have come to the right place. And there is a lot of information that you might find useful.

    So welcome. Read a lot. Don't let this overwhelm you. And don't worry. People will be by soon who are exactly where you are right now.

  • Confucious


    Just keep positive.

    My marriage was ruined when I started reading up the JW religion.

    Me and my now ex wife were in the religion and very devout.

    When I started to pull away, the elders got in the way and now I'm divorced.

    All I can say, is POUR your HEART OUT here.

    We are listening.


  • Nat-Oz

    Hello and welcome to you!

    I just want you to know I went through what your hubby is going through last year and I began studying with them, they turned me against my family, I ruined last Xmas for them completely and lost all of my old friends.

    Luckily I came to my senses before it was too late and am now back to my normal self but still terribly scarred from the cult that I cam into contact with.

    When I was gully involved, the more my family reacted, the more I was told that it was Satan making them try to take me away from the JWs hahaha! So, hopefull your hubby isnt so far into it that he sees your crys for help as some kind of evil doing.

    I have no easy solution, but don't follow your husband down this path.

    I am sure there are plenty of people on here though that have been through it and can help you.

    Big hugs, breath in, breath out.

    Nat xx

  • Sirona

    Hi and Welcome to the forum!

    Firstly, ((Hugs)))

    Sorry you're going through this. If the JW religion (and other cults for that matter) didn't exist it would save so many families a lot of heartache.

    My advice to you is as follows: (BTW I am Ex JW and I have family who are still in JWs)

    * Never let him think that your sole purpose is to stop him attending or studying with JWs. He will see that as direct opposition and they'll tell him that this opposition is from Satan (which in turn gives him a bad view of you, of course)

    * Approach it as "I will support you in your decision to join the JWs but only if I'm confident that you've looked at all sides of the story and thoroughly researched them from other publications (not just their own)" I think you've already made this stand and its definately the way to go (good for you!)

    * Don't try and argue scripture too much. There are some great watertight refutations against JW beliefs, but honestly IMHO they are quite rare because JWs have their "scriptures inspired" book (its big and green, in case your hub owns one) and this book does all sorts of twisting and turning to make scripture fit their doctrine. Couple that with how they've changed their bible and you'll be stumped!

    * Do point out where JWs have changed their bible where they shouldn't have. There are a few instances of this, one that springs to mind is in Collossians where they say of Jesus that "all other things were created by means of him" - inserting the word "other" where there is no word in the original greek to fit their doctrine that Jesus is not God.

    * Do point out what has previously been published by the WTS especially the lies and horrible advice given. He will argue that the "light" gets "brighter" but that is just a get out...ask him to consider how that doctrine affected people and their families at the time. The damage done by the WTS is awful! Consider the blood doctrine. Certain people (hundreds? thousands?) have died because they couldn't have ANY blood (not part of blood) and now they've changed that to say that a person can accept parts of blood "components" as a "conscience matter". Well I'm sure the families of those who are dead wish that they'd brought out this "new light" a bit sooner...don't you?

    Its a great idea to get him to read Crisis of Conscience, because that book shows how the society rules JWs lives and how they're not using a Christian conscience because of all their pharasaical (sp?) rules.

    Good luck! Check out and


  • Sirona

    Just another thing,

    Be prepared for him to join them...and if he does, to save your marriage you may need to be supportive of that. However, don't allow him to browbeat you into not celebrating holidays etc. make sure you celebrate regardless of whether he does or not. If he wants you to accept his beliefs, he must in turn respect yours. That goes for the child too.

    It is possible to have a happy relationship with a JW partner, I've seen it myself a few times. You may be able to "work on him" even if he is attending, by pointing out things now and then.

    You've done well so far so give yourself a pat on the back! If you need help preparing to meet JWs then let us know, but I'd say that if you can avoid it you should - it might turn into a scenario where they're trying to recruit you aswell and the JW will simply "preach " to you rather than accepting reason or other ideas. I'd be very surprised if the JW discusses so called apostate information with you, as they're told not to read it. For instance, they won't read Crisis of Conscience and they'll tell your hub not to read it.


  • Bryan


    I'm sorry for your sadness. I agree with all the prior post. The Watchtower Bible & Track Society had built their club quite well. Anytime a witness hits a snag in their life, feels presure about their faith, they are well trained to think it is the devil trying to pry them out of God's safe kingdom halls.

    Reverse psycology as with children, I think, works the best (I'm am not a doctor, just my opinion). If in your studies, you can't help your hubby see the real "truth", then you may need to let him do his thing while you make sure you and your daughter have your thing. Acting as though you really don't care. There are several people here living this way.

    You have many friends here,


  • kls

    Welcome, peace is going to be hard to come by with your husband joining this cult . Friendship here is easy and we will try to support you all that we can. You are in a tough situation and i know what you are feeling and talking about , the person that you know and love is turning into someone you don't know and feel you are loosing him and if he gets baptized you have. Do not crumble ,you have to stay strong to fight . If it means being a so called B---- do it . You are in for a long fight and it may tear your family apart and you are up against a organization that shows no mercy but wants recruits.

  • willy_think

    Welcom Welcom Welcom you came to the right place. All I can tell you is if your man is a thinking person he will come to understand the WT for what it is and so will you. My family was split, Dad a JW, Mom not. I feal for you and your baby. I wish all good things for you and I do care, we do care.

    "There is also love in the world,"


  • avishai

    Look up the UN scandal in the "best of" section of this site. See if they can answer that.

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