Were you shunned by J.W.'s and family after you left/disassociated yourself

by hubert 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • unbeliever
    Hope she sees the Christmas tree this year!

    I predict that cruzanheart will be DA'd by New Year's.

  • CeriseRose
    CeriseRose,... From your reply, it looks like the j.w.'s start rumors about people leaving, and therefore make up their own theory of why they left, which seems very convenient for them.

    This way they can make them look as bad as they want to look. Does this sound right?

    Well, I know there are a variety of people and experiences and I can only speak from my own experience.

    1. JWs *need* to be right. Why? Because if they're not, everything they build their lives on crumbles. Plus, through indoctrination a JW is told that they are special, righteous, in God's favor, and it is ONLY through their association with the WTS that they can remain such. God is inaccessible to someone who is not a JW (or who hasn't been 'found' by the JWs yet). [Please note, this is how it's presented to JWs, not necessarily reality. ]

    2. WTS *needs* to keep a level of control on their membership. They *need* to hide their dealings and past. When a member leaves for whatever reason, they must effectively silence that person. Why? Because chances are, at some point, that person will find out the 'truth' about their history and past and will speak out. And note, JWs are told that any information dissenting from the "pure and honest truth delivered by Jehovah through the Faithful and Discreet Slave (aka the Watchtower Society)" is apostasy against God. This includes questioning current or past doctrine and policy. JWs are told to stay away from such information in print (books written by ex-members) and especially the internet (see this site and many others for details) so that they won't be "drawn astray by false shepherds."

    3. To leave this religion, a person generally does one of the following: i) 'fade' away (stop attending meetings, move, gradually cut ties), ii) disassociate (publically declare removal from the religion, reasons why vary), or iii) be disfellowshipped (for one reason or another, some 'scriptural,' some not -- although JW elders will deny anyone is disfellowshipped for non-scriptural reasons).

    The average JW doesn't ever see the transcript of a disfellowshipping meeting. They don't see a letter of disassociation. Usually what happens is the disfellowshipping or disassociation is 'announced' from the platform and before or after there is a 'local needs' talk given (usually around some horrid sin or practice). Based on the timing of these two events, human nature (and especially cynical human nature, trained to focus on negatives as JWs are) will lead even the least judgemental to 'knowing' all about what "so and so" did. They will draw the conclusions they've been taught/told to draw:

    1. Everyone who leaves the WTS does so in order to commit sin against God unrepentantly.

    2. Everyone who leaves the WTS practices depravity and the worst of the denounced sins. Most will fall into immorality, drug use, occultism, etc.

    3. Everyone who leaves the WTS is automatically out of favor with God.

    4. Everyone who leaves the WTS is bad association, to be shunned, judged, and marked. This includes the ever-popular "Apostate" label.

    So, basically the information is controlled from the top down, and the "average" JW told how to assess the snippets of information (correctly or incorrectly) transmitted. No one outrightly says why "so and so" isn't a JW anymore, but this information trail, as well as the ever-present gossip line, will make sure that everyone "knows."

    Again, this is my experience. I was in for 13 years and saw a lot of people leave. It wasn't much different each time.

  • Purza

    I am not DF'd nor DA'd -- I just faded. None of my JW family speaks with me. They believe I have done something wrong so they have played judge and jury. I was speaking to one of my parents for a while, but that contact has become non-existent. I have to say it is easier not having to deal with any of them and their judgmental ways. One of my siblings pointed the elders my way trying to get me into trouble. What love they show! *sarcasm intended*

    I am not perfect, I have made mistakes and no, I am not living in line with the org -- but I am still a human and my parents flesh and blood. Means nothing to them.


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