Were you shunned by J.W.'s and family after you left/disassociated yourself

by hubert 12 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • hubert

    I know most ex-j.w.'s get shunned if you are disfellowshipped. I was wondering if you also get shunned if you just leave, or disassociate yourself for any reason from the Org.

    If you have, please state reason, if it's not too personal..... Thanks


  • DanTheMan

    In my own experience and observation, DA's are shunned even more harshly than DF's.

    It's one thing when a collective kicks you out, it's another thing altogether for an individual within the collective to actively reject the collective.

    I don't have JW family so I can't comment on how relatives of DA'd people act, but I haven't heard a single word from any of my former JW associates in the 2 1/2 years since I DA'd.

  • CeriseRose

    Yes. And after one communication via letter with my 'still in' sis last month regarding a family matter, "somehow" it's gotten around to my old congregation that I'm an apostate.

    They like to judge, they like to label, they like to consider themselves superior. Shunning does all of that and more.

    Right now, for various reasons, I'm shunning her right back. When I told her not to bother writing if she couldn't be nice, she responded with a voice message. I deleted it.

    I'm at the point where I'm comfortable saying it's their loss not mine. With most of my family not JWs, they can see which one of us is acting more forgiving and loving. I'm letting that provide the "witness."

    I left because I was not being shown the love or the compassion that my situation required. And I got tired of people hounding me to 'go to meetings' where ALL my problems would be fixed. (Having a nervous breakdown is not likely to be fixed at their meetings. Honestly.)

    Edited: a typo because I'm still not quite caffineated yet. ;)

  • hubert

    Dan the Man, ....would you know any stories you can share about some of the people that have disassociated themselves?

    CeriseRose,... From your reply, it looks like the j.w.'s start rumors about people leaving, and therefore make up their own theory of why they left, which seems very convenient for them.

    This way they can make them look as bad as they want to look. Does this sound right?

  • unbeliever

    I know people who have DA'd and I know they are more looked down on than those that are DF'd. How dare they resign their membership from the publishing company. The witnesses also have a lot less hope of them coming back.

  • Mum

    I get mixed reactions. I made a clean break when I left and never went back. But I didn't go about talking about my JW experience. At first, I felt I was doomed. Later, after getting a taste of freedom, I realized how lucky I was to get out while I was still young enough to get an education and a better life.

    One the one hand, there have been JW's who have shunned me and others who have told me off. On the other hand, others have treated me with kindness and shown apparently genuine concern for my well being. I think most who knew me ere and/or are baffled because I was such a passive non-entity/victim, i.e., an almost ideal JW female.

    When I see JW's from my past, I am friendly. Most of them were well meaning. They usually respond as any normal person would. But I lived in Tennessee where most people are really sweet and basically honest. Most of them don't really have gratuitous cruelty in their nature; it is learned from their Watchtower masters.

    Be nice to them. They have enough to contend with.



  • the mole
    the mole

    oh yes...there have been time when me and my family were eating at a restaraunt and they looked us and treated as if we had the plague. my family are several generation involved will not contact me. i spoke of things to them that they didnt want to hear and have practiced to ignore...good luck, it was tough for me and my children for the first year but made new friends and it all good now..the mole

  • Lostreality

    Thankfully, my parents still talk to me. Unlike many of the people from my old Cong...

  • franklin J
    franklin J

    yes, I was shunned for "fading away" to attend college.

    I never looked back or regretted my decision. The extended family and former friends who shunned me I now find amusing; along with their doing all sorts of things to avoid me.

    It is cause for laughter at this point of my life.

    no regrets.....

  • cruzanheart

    I have a few JW friends who treat me normally, except for the occasional invitation to Memorial or a convention, but that's becoming increasingly rare so I think they've got the message about my total lack of interest in going back. There is one "friend" who sent me a card telling me how much she missed me and would I please call or e-mail her. I chose e-mail and had one slightly friendly reply -- just small talk -- and then nothing for almost a year. The next e-mail was a brief invitation to the Memorial, which I ignored. I recently e-mailed her and told her she was always welcome to stop by for a cup of tea and that I hoped that my meeting attendance, or lack thereof, wasn't the only basis of our friendship. Apparently it is (I knew that anyway -- I just said that to see if it would make her think). She lives less than 10 miles away and goes past our street on a regular basis to visit her mother-in-law.

    Hope she sees the Christmas tree this year!


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