In mulling over the almost 6 decades of my life, almost two decades of which were spent being enamored of just one more false religion, then spending the following decade discovering all of its deceptions, I feel a tremendous loss of innocence.
As though I were a victim of sexual assault, I don?t now believe that I will EVER recover an ability to believe or trust in anyone where religion or blind faith in anything is concerned again in this lifetime. Because, to me......that?s what faith is.....blindness.
Before I married, I believed that marriage was a "happily ever after" state of life. That turned out to be a bald-faced lie we were taught as children and there?s just too much crap that?s been dealt to me over the years from the "dating scene," even pre- and post-borganization to even THINK of considering beginning a relationship ever again.
I?ve also seen plenty of evidence that government (including the justice systems) by mankind over themselves is corrupt and there is absolutely no reason to believe there will ever be anything better. Oh, people can whitewash their actions with a lot of political hogwash and public relations hype, but in the end, it?s still hogwash....and hype.
Plenty of scientific "discoveries" have been shown to be corrupted. And if they weren?t corrupted in the process of discovery, they will be afterward. Because the discovery is always sold to the highest bidder. Or quashed from public knowledge (in the case where it might mean a financial break for consumers and short shrift for would-be marketers) by the highest bidder. This of course includes the medical and pharmaceutical professions.
I mourn my loss of innocence in all these areas, because it?s as though something precious has been stolen from me. I remember what it felt like to have complete faith or love for something or someone.....to be so absolutely sure that what or whom I believed in was absolutely the plu-perfect truth and gloriously wonderful....to have such strong convictions about those beliefs. It?s such a breathtakingly joyous feeling, that feeling of confidence in what/who we know to be true. But, when we, as humans, place our trust in something or someone....then have it shattered so completely, it tends to make us naturally suspicious and skeptical of anything and anyone similar in appearance, eh? And after all is said and done, I don?t have the will to make the effort to believe in anything that wonderful again, just to discover its "feat of clay."
If I?m beginning to sound jaded concerning life, don?t worry. I?m on a new path to discovery. Because there?s knowledge of and belief in the one thing left to me that I have "insider info" on. Myself. Like everyone else here and most everywhere on this earth, while I DO have flaws, I also have innate talents.....and I have acquired useful skills. I don?t like everything about myself, but what I don?t like I can work on to change. I can?t make those changes in politics or science or religion or relationship criteria in my lifetime, but I?m a "work in progress" in coming into my "own"....a belated discovery of self-worth.
Can anyone else here relate to any of this?