Seeing as so many are leaving Borgdom Land in record numbers, I think the Society should have a standard form that you can have to fill out when you want to leave. It'd save a ton of time. Something like this:
WATCHTOWER BIBLE & TRACT SOCIETY
Date of Your Baptism (not that we give a damn now):
Congregation You're Dying to Leave:
1. When did you decide you want to DA yourself?
____ Quite a While Ago
____ at the Strip Club during a Lap Dance
____ After watching Dateline
____ I never wanted to be a Dub in the first place, but I was born into this religion and had no frigging choice!
2. Why do you want to DA yourself?
___ Cause I'm sick of going to 5 freakin' meetings a week
___ I hate Field Service and have faked my hours for the last 15 years
___ I read Crisis of Conscience.....'nuff said
___ I found out that most of your doctrines are bullshit
___ I managed to piss of the local Elder body
___ none of your damn business
3. Is there anything we can do to get you to stay?
___ Ya, let us elect the leadership
___ Get rid of 3 of the 5 meetings and I might consider it
___ Get rid of Field Service
___ Try disfellowshipping pedophiles
___ Change your doctrines
___ You gotta be kidding me?
Thank you for filling out our Disassociation Form. Your request will be processed within 6-8 weeks. In the meantime, your congregation will be notified and instructed to treat you like shit for the next 6-8 weeks. By signing the form below, you give up all your Rights to Eternal Life in Paradise, which is right around the corner.
Sign Your Life Away Here