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by kwintestal 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • Winston Smith :>D
    Winston Smith :>D

    I should add BTW that to do this three-step process it is imperative that you have her trust. Without some level of her trust and respect, this will not work.

    For me, this entails me calling her to let her know where I am at any time I am late, etc? It also involves us going out on regular dates every week if possible. And me generally being a BETTER husband now than I was as a JW. Going with her to see her family as often as possible. I keep the house spic and span while she goes out in Sat morning FS. I do grocery shopping, do a lot of the cooking, laundry, and dishes. Make sure enough money is always in the checking account, bills paid on time, and I get her flowers once in a while too.

    The above, while not uncommon when I was a JW, is now regular from me as a DA?d JW. It also helps offset me doing ?worldly? things once in a while. I rented ?Kill Bill 2? last week [ooohh, a rated ?R? movie] . Not a peep from her about it, not even a dirty look. I try not to swear, don?t smoke or get drunk. But I still have fun, go drinking out with my buds once in a while, and do Martial Arts, which she doesn?t really care for.

    I guess the bottom line is we have to demonstrate in other aspects of our lives that we care about her. Otherwise if we are just trying to preach to them about their well being I feel that the three-step process will sound shallow, out of place, and end up falling flat on it?s face.



  • Devils Advocate
    Devils Advocate

    Many years ago I read a book on the psychology of cults. I'm sorry I can't remember the name of the book or the author, but it stated that cult members have 2 personalities: 1.) the cult personality, and 2.) their real personality.

    I notice w/my mother who is still in the cult, when she's in her real personality she will talk about things she normally wouldnt -- and she's happier too (go figure, huh? LOL). Usually this happens when my father is sick and she's been unable to attend meetings for a while.

    If you can catch your wife in her normal personality maybe you can ask her some questions or suggest things to her that you normally wouldnt be able to.

    Also -- and I have no idea what you do for a living or your lifestyle -- but JW's are tuaught that ex-JW's fail more because Jeerkhovah has abandoned them. If you're in a business where you can advance in your career or make more money, in short -- VISIBLY succeed more -- it may help dispell the judgemental attitutude your wife has been programmed to use. Anything that puts you in a better light will dispel the myths the WT throw out about ex-JW's. One time my father told me I failed more after I left the cult because Jerkhovah was angry with me (I'm in sales). After that conversation I doubled up on my sales activities and proved him wrong. Now he just scratches his head becasue he can't figure out how I do it minus "god's" direction.

    Hope these ideas help. I'm half asleep so forgive the typos, please.

  • kwintestal

    Thanks for the tips everyone. I'm definately going to have to read up more about cults and their effects on people. I'll look for that book you mentioned Paul, Releasing the Bonds. Definately something to put a lot of thought and planning into. Thanks again for the help, its a good place to start.

  • kwintestal

    BTW, she hates green beans. I'll say a brocoli spear.

  • Winston Smith :>D
    Winston Smith :>D


    You can order the book here at Randy's site:


    Good luck!


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