I should add BTW that to do this three-step process it is imperative that you have her trust. Without some level of her trust and respect, this will not work.
For me, this entails me calling her to let her know where I am at any time I am late, etc? It also involves us going out on regular dates every week if possible. And me generally being a BETTER husband now than I was as a JW. Going with her to see her family as often as possible. I keep the house spic and span while she goes out in Sat morning FS. I do grocery shopping, do a lot of the cooking, laundry, and dishes. Make sure enough money is always in the checking account, bills paid on time, and I get her flowers once in a while too.
The above, while not uncommon when I was a JW, is now regular from me as a DA?d JW. It also helps offset me doing ?worldly? things once in a while. I rented ?Kill Bill 2? last week [ooohh, a rated ?R? movie] . Not a peep from her about it, not even a dirty look. I try not to swear, don?t smoke or get drunk. But I still have fun, go drinking out with my buds once in a while, and do Martial Arts, which she doesn?t really care for.
I guess the bottom line is we have to demonstrate in other aspects of our lives that we care about her. Otherwise if we are just trying to preach to them about their well being I feel that the three-step process will sound shallow, out of place, and end up falling flat on it?s face.