They Aren't Your Friends

by metatron 24 Replies latest jw experiences

  • metatron

    When I announced, at the C.O's meeting with the elders, that I was quiting and giving up, the brother who gave the prayer

    nearly burst into tears.

    A couple months later, him and his wife pass us in the hall and hall and sit down in front of us: not a single glance or hello

    or hint of recognition. I'm not df'd and in particular, neither is my wife. What was he upset about originally? A loss to the

    glorious organization that substitutes for God in Witness thinking? It certainly wasn't the loss of me personally, being the non- person

    that I am.

    Take the above experience and multiply it by a hundred in common Witness experience - you can be their "friend" as

    judged by regular meeting attendance - other than that, you don't exist. I've since tried a dozen ways of showing generosity

    to various Witnesses - and mostly gotten nowhere - although, I do note that most of them have little or no social life with each other

    anyway. I once organized a large outting of Witness adults in bowling, etc. in one congregation and got a "this is fun, why didn't

    we do this before" , as if I had exposed an experience utterly unknown to them.

    Take away the cultish habit of these zombies dragging themselves to meetings and what's left? Not very much.

    If the Society isn't worried, they should be - once their spell is broken, dissolution quickly follows as they have avoided building

    a common subculture of caring and friendship - that easily sustains other religions, locally. It's sad, really.


  • minimus

    They are sad you left the "organization". Once you defect----you are no longer one of them,. You cease to exist,really.

  • metatron

    I warned my daughter "your friends will shun you"

    She replied "If they shun me then, they were never my friends"

    She was way ahead of me.


  • StinkyPantz

    I think some of them were my friends, but felt they had to choose between me and God. Understandable choice. I'm not so sure the people I call friends now wouldn't abandon me at the drop of a hat either.. so...

  • kwintestal

    Hi metatron,

    your experience reminded me very much of a warning an elder once gave me. I had been associating with forbidden ("worldly") ones, and he started telling me about his experince with "worldy associates" once he became a dub. He told me how once started going to meetings, preaching, and changing his life habbits, that all his worldly friends stopped contacting him. The moral was worldy friends are unstable, dub friends here to stay. I asked him, "When you started studing, weren't you encouraged to cut off this association, because they are "bad association? Wouldn't that be the reason that they were no longer in contact with you? That coupled with the fact that everytime they tried to contact you that you more then likely tried to preach their ear off?" Shortly after this conversation when I went through all my problems with my family, it wasn't my JW friends who were there for me and supported me, it was these "bad associations". I often think of this when I walk down the street, and someone that I grew up with since we both were in diapers, and was best friends with, up until a couple of years ago, walks by me without even acknowledging that I exist.

  • minimus

    kwin----they make believe you don't exist! It's amazing, isn't it??

  • Cicatrix

    "I once organized a large outting of Witness adults in bowling, etc. in one congregation and got a "this is fun, why didn't we do this before"

    How did you ever get away with it?

    There was a tradition in our area of having a square dance every year. The people from three different congregations were invited. The kids really looked forward to it, because it was held in December or January, when all of their school mates were busy with the holidays. Well, the year before I left, some higher ups decided to put an end to the square dances. We had talks at all the halls about not organising large gatherings. Their definition of "large gathering"? More than two families! I heard one young person actually say "So now they're going to take THAT away from us, too." Shortly thereafter, several teens quit going to meetings.

    There is no motivation for JWs as a group to form cohesive relationships because it is actively discouraged by the leadership.

    As far as JWs being "friends," I learned which ones really were my friends when I disassociated myself. Most of my former "friends" give me a look of judgement or outright hate when they see me. Others look sad or will smile and give me a little wave. Some have sent messages to me that I am welcome at their place anytime, and others have come right up and talked to me in public. The ones who still acknowledge my existence in some way, I count among my friends. But they are a rare breed.

  • bikerchic

    Friends are over rated. When it's all done and said, when the fat lady sings you are left with yourself. Best learn to love yourself. After all isn't it one of the two christian laws, love yourself, love your neighbor?

    Metatron, your daughter has the right outlook:

    "If they shun me then, they were never my friends"

    With friends like that who needs enemies?


  • kwintestal

    In their world though, you don't exist. You are worse then dead. You have already been judged.

  • Netty
    "If they shun me then, they were never my friends"

    I like this. Smart little cookie! I had similar experiences too with "friends" as I faded. Since then, I have found a couple of very long term, very true friends, who would never turn their back on me. That feels great.

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