Head of the House or an Ayatollah?

by Englishman 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • Englishman

    Do the JW's still have a belief in headship?

    I'm talking about where the male is the Head of the house. His word is law, his wife is in subjection to him, his children are meant to sit and listen in awe to his every pronouncement.

    My own experiences with men who were "Head of the house" during my dub days are pretty colourful. I saw one ayatollah type lose every one of his 5 children from the JW's just as fast as they could legally scoot out the door. He'd even explain patiently to them that he'd threatened to hit them if they misbehaved, they had misbehaved, and Jehovah now insisted that he mete out said punishment no matter what. He'd go on that his "yes had to mean yes and his no had to mean no", so no matter how much they pleaded for mercy, he was still going to beat them. Then his hand would strike the child with devastating force.

    I've seen a family head cut off his daughters hair so he wouldn't be so attracted to her. I've seen so much physical violence from one family head against his daughters that I've had to step in. Iv'e seen another thundering to his daughter to get on her knees and beg for forgiveness, because she wasn't submissive enough.

    Personally, I've come to believe that most of these so called "heads" were basically just uneducated men who were of low intelligence and totally inept at any form of leadership. So many JW males are in this category and are unable to think in shades of grey. They make life intolerable for their families, in particular the kids, with the inevitable result that they leave the JW's just as soon as they can.

    Anyone here met any family heads who were really more suited to the role of an ayatollah?


  • Preston

    I always though it ironic that the people in the governing body were individuals with little or no experience with a family and raising kids. Then again, having a position where every word you say goes, and you have millions of people at your beck and call has to have an unrealistic elevated sense of authority and headship that trickles down to the people in the congregation.

  • Mutz

    I had a discussion with my Mother about this yesterday.
    I told her that the thruth was an excuse for overbearing men to control their
    wives and children and that a womans opinion was worth nothing.
    She tried to deny it but pretty much gave up when I pressed the point with
    a few examples of people I knew.
    I've lost count of the number of times I have seen the Mini Hitlers striding
    round a convention or assembly with their cowed wives and children in tow.
    Turned my stomach every time.

  • fleaman uk
    fleaman uk

    Good God yes..ive seen some Ogres in my time.Big Men smacking the living S***e out of little Kids who may have played slightly up at a Meeting.One Man (an Ms)was extremely violent with his step-Kids and the Mother just used to sit there and agree with everythinh he did to them.Could never understand that Man.....he used to kick the Dog aswell!

    I like to think that his youngest Step-child ,who left on his sixteenth Birthday from the Religion AND the Household has since gone back to the House and given HIM some back...sadistic Bastard.

    All too common the use of the Rod im afraid.My own opinion is that to hit a Child in any way,shape or form is Abuse and should be viewed as such by the authorities..im hoping the Law will be passed very soon.

  • Soledad

    I'm horrified at what you wrote about Eman!

    I personally have never seen nor heard of JW men that do this kind of thing. I've seen more mothers forcefully hit and punish their children at the meetings that I have seen fathers, possibly because the majority of mothers in my old congregtion had unbelieving mates.

  • sleepy

    I'm head untill my wife tells me othewize.

  • SAHS

    My father has always been telling my mother to ?stop talking? and ?say nothing.? His favorite expression is, ?Know your place.? Did I mention he?s a ?good elder??


  • recoveringjw

    My father was pretty strict and at times I felt he was overly strict, but he was a big pushover to some of the men in the congregation---they were very abusive to their wives and children (emotionally, mentally, physically). This unbalanced view of men and women was one of the things that drove me away.

    When I was 12, I went out in service with another family and I was wearing dangly earrings and the dad was chastising me for being "adorned". I said the only thing I could think of to say to him...."There isn't anything wrong with my earrings. Besides, my actual father didn't have a problem with them, so neither should you." Pathetic, really. I know it is not horrific like some of the things others have mentioned, but it just shows how domineering some of the men in the congregations are/were.

  • itsallgoodnow
    Personally, I've come to believe that most of these so called "heads" were basically just uneducated men who were of low intelligence and totally inept at any form of leadership. So many JW males are in this category and are unable to think in shades of grey. They make life intolerable for their families, in particular the kids, with the inevitable result that they leave the JW's just as soon as they can.

    So true. I think they don't amount to anything in reality and they know it. This religion gives idiots an opportunity to be in charge of something, to be important. Something they can't get in the real world.

    One time the book study conductor (elder) mentioned that even he sometimes needed to physically discipline his wife and GROWN daughter who was still living at home... it made me sick. And they were both sitting right there. I felt so embarrassed for them; it's one thing to be treated like a dog or like property, but it's got to be horrible to have everybody know about it. It's like they became the congregation's poster victims for JW emotional terror in the family.

    Needless to say, I never wanted to be married to a JW, even when I was still a good JW. Not from what I saw going on in my family, anyway. Most of these guys hate any woman who will stand up for herself, quickly labelling them as bad examples or whatever. There's no question in my mind why some of these guys are attracted to this religion.

  • marcosgarcia


    Comment on the Head Of household HOH. I am not a JW, my spouse is getting way into it -- 4 times a week. I am not sure what she is doing - and I am not interested in JW -- it is not for me or my children. A sister was coming to my home -- without my consent and giving a "study" to my children. I told them to stop and after much heated discussion the reply was that since I was the HOH -- the JWs would respect my choice of religion for my children and stop coming to my home. I was pissed afterwards when I put things together and relaized "Why the heck did they not ask my permission in the first place if respecting HOH is the rule? Why were they preaching to my children, behind my back? Is this the way JWs operate? I am trying hard to keep them away from my children, but they started doing studies with my spouse and the children were present. I forbid that. Something happend to the sister doing the studies, and she was replaced. When I mentioned the sisters name to my spouse, she said she no longer has anything to do with "that woman" (the sister). So she got a new teacher. I told the new one I did not want my children near her -- when I caught her giving a stuudy to my spouse with the children present. She just said "Oh sorry about that." I took my children and told her not to come near them. Now the second sister has been replaced with a third one. The third one I found outside my child's school waiting to pick up my child with my spouse. Does any one have an idea why the sisters keep getting replaced? Does this mean my spouse is moving up to different levels in the org? How can I keep them away? As for the marriage it is as though I am trapped. If I leave the JWs will come in and start teaching my children since they no longer consider me head of household. Any advice or comments? Thanks: I know this is a bit off track for your HOH discussion but I had to get it out.

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