Daughter Dissed by Dub

by willyloman 18 Replies latest jw friends

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  willyloman

  The short version is: My daughter fell in love several years ago with another teenager; both were dubs in good standing, both later reproved for expressing that love in some manner not platonic. Boy moves away. Girl moves away, in another direction. Three thousand miles separate them. Calendar rolls on, seven years pass. They start to talk on the phone. He is DF'd, not remotely interested in going back, she has stopped going to meetings and associating with dubs, wants nothing to do with it.

  They arrange to meet, have whirlwind weekend, in order "to see if there's anything there." For her, there is. For him, there isn,'t apparently. He doesn't call for a week, then when confronted says he has a lot of things to think about. A few weeks later he calls and says he has started going to meetings again and "feels pretty good about it."

  So they're done.

  What advice should I give devastated daughter?
• 

  kls

  Geez, that is tuff. All you can do is let her cry on your shoulder and listen to her. There is no answer this is something she will have to get through herself with your support. And may i add he is an ass.
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  Terry

  The boy's level of personal integrity is most evidenced by two things:

  His desire for one last fling before jumping back into the Kingdom Hall.

  His ability to turn off his mind in order to conform to the Brooklyn mafia.

  In short, your daughter should be grateful this happened on at least one level. It is better to find out DEFINITIVELY the character of a person whom she admires. It will enable her to evaluate how accurate her ability is to judge a boy's intentions and actions. This particular boy fell far short of her valuation. What could have escaped her notice? That is an important question.

  Moreover, his sense of ethics is obviously warped by indecisive and illogical values. He will make a great JW but a lousy boyfriend for your daughter!

  The dastardly way this was done is a setup to make your daughter feel she wasn't good enough to keep him interested.

  Perhaps, if anything of an "impure" nature was done by him with your daughter she should help him get "spiritual counsel" at the Hall by writing a letter and spilling the beans. After all, she wouldn't want him to die at Armageddon would she? :)
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  Poztate

  Perhaps, if anything of an "impure" nature was done by him with your daughter she should help him get "spiritual counsel" at the Hall by writing a letter and spilling the beans. After all, she wouldn't want him to die at Armageddon would she? :)

  This sounds right but after all nothing could be done unless there were at least two witnesses to the event.We wouldn't want to run ahead of the things written would we????
• 

  xjw_b12

  What advice should I give devastated daughter?

  Willyloman. Promise her you won't kill him just rough him up a bit.

  The guys a player. Perhaps the P.O. in his cong. would be interested in hearing about his weekend escapade, seeing he's claiming to be interested in going back. Of course that could be a lie as well. Is there a chance he isn't DF'd, and has perhaps already been reinstated, but was using DF'ing as his sympathy story?

  Hold her tight and tell her you love her, and all men aren't rotten.

  xjw_b12
• 

  RunningMan

  Young people always think that the special someone is irreplaceable. In reality, she dodged a bullit. She can't see it now, but is better off, and not just for the religion part of it.

  Strangely enough, the cliche's are right - millions of fish in the sea, etc. She'll find a better fish.
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  Elsewhere

  Sounds like he got a sudden case of the guilts and ran back to "mother".
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  jgnat

  Tell her you can't imagine why anyone would chose that religion over her. Remind her of all the wonderful qualities that make her so special. Tell her that the breakup has nothing to do with her, and everything to do with him. Some anonymous little gifts from an anonymous admirer might perk her up.

  A girl's self-esteem comes from her father's attention. We all go on to the dating scene with a 50/50 chance to pick up a loser. Girls with good self-worth dump the losers. Girls who are still chasing after their father's affections are most likely to chase after the losers. It sounds like you are the kind of amazing father who lets his girl know regularly how special she is, so I am sure this is a romance she will get over. What dads have to get used to is that they can't fix everything. You will have to let her cry this out for a while.
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  codeblue

  So sorry to hear that your daughter was "hurt".

  I have to 2nd what Terry said

  This guy she met has very "poor character".

  She should turn him into the congregation he is attending......like Terry said. After all, the congregation needs to keep "clean".

  Your daughter has a very "kind heart". She obviously hasn't met the person who is "right for her". Tell her not to give up and give her a big hug. I am happy that you and her have a good relationship so you can help her thru this devastation!

  Codeblue
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  rocketman

  My advice would sort of sound like this: Consider it a painful learning experience and move on.