A deep and serious question for Francoise

by expatbrit 18 Replies latest jw friends

  • expatbrit
    expatbrit

    Francoise old chap:

    It has been noted that in several threads you have commented on how wonderful conventions are for, to quote your elegant phrase, "getting laid".

    This raises questions in the minds of us (me?) who never had any success whatsoever in this worthwhile endeavour. My conjugal exploits at conventions were limited to making eye contact seven times with the same young sister as we walked clockwise around the stadium in a group. (The sisters walked anti-clockwise. It was traditional.)

    These questions include:

    -how did you prise the subject of your carnal desire away from her parents/friends?

    -where did you go for these rendezvous? Rumpy-pumpy underneath the speakers platform? Nookey in the out-of-use McDonalds concession? Or was it the under the blanket groping during the WT review?

    In short, sir, further information would be greatly appreciated as to how the hell you managed to get laid at assemblies, and I didn't!

    Thank you for your time, you lucky bastard.

    Expatbrit

  • hippikon
    hippikon

    If you comb your face you may have more luck.

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    I have to admit I've been wanting some specifics about Francoise' exploits myself.

  • Francois
    Francois

    I will answer your question if you'll tell me what "plan franc" is.

    And I can understand your consternation at your lack of convention conjugation, grousing in the goodie, getting laid as it were.

    First, you gotta change your attitude. You probably think that all the witness girls are saving themselves for marriage, that they would recoil in horror from the mere suggestion of a little spot of heavy breathing. Not so young swain. That's just the image they wish to project. It's a front. A scam. Female deception. Fact is, they're just as horny as you are. But they're not gonna let on to that closely held secret. Ruin the image. Spoil the game. And their folks might get wise. You know that JWs are all about appearances with no substance to back it up. Just remember, JW girls are perhaps the horniest women on the planet - and for good reason, too. Think about it.

    Now, lots of JW nubile females are indeed colder than a clam, saving themselves, would recoil in horror. You're not interested in them anyway. Fuck 'em - or don't. You gotta play the odds. In any assembly with, say, four or five hundred young women, there's gonna be, say, 10 to 15 percent who're out for a toss in the sheets. That's about 50 to 75 girls. You gotta find a way to identify them. Easiest way is to identify yourself.

    You gotta walk around in the assembly building like you own the place. Exude confidence. Look and feel your very best. Make eye contact and hold it, but also hold your ground. Make no moves. Let the ones you're after make the move. Take it from me, they will. They'll let you know who they are. My experience is that the wild ones are actually brassier than a cymbal. They'll walk right up to you and introduce themselves. Game is then half over. All that must be decided then is where and when. That will all be in coded language.

    When they do introduce themselves, make some remark like (assume her name is Linda Smith), "Not THE Linda Smith?" you say with a surprised look on your face. And then act like you've let something slip and refuse to elaborate ('cause in truth, you can't elaborate. You don't know this woman from Adam, a situation you're intending to fix as soon as possible.) Make sure you do this with with multiple women, and if possible that they all see you talking to some other woman, too. (DO NOT USE the same line with more than one woman. Deadly mistake. These girls tend to stick together. They may BE together. Once I had two sisters - REAL sisters - make moves at the same assembly. Be cool.)

    Take it easy. Don't ask to sit with them during the program. That's a fate worse than death. And no noookie will be forthcoming. And don't try to get laid on the first night of the assembly. Don't be anxious. Let them know you've got one foot in the Borg and one foot out. Remember, they're not looking for any cookie-cutter JW straight arrow who thinks holding hands is a big deal.

    Push the dress code just as far as you possibly can. Advertise. Stay mysterious. Ask to meet them after the program. Go to dinner with her. Alone. If her folks or yours are involved in any way, refuse to go. Blow it off. But get her to dinner alone. She'll make it possible. You do your part, she'll do hers. Select a nice place. Sophisticated. Act like it's a common place and common for you to associate with good looking women - and if she's about to haul your ashes, she's good looking. Period.

    Now - and this is critical - in order for you to get her between the sheets, you've gotta have a set of sheets to get between. This means you've got a room of your own. If you're young and staying with your parents. Rent a room on the sly on the other side of town. Seed it with a bottle of wine that costs at least $25.00. NO Ripple. No Boone's Farm. Have it on ice in a bucket or in the sink. Make sure it has a cork, and you've got a corkscrew -- and two glasses. White is best. Get a copy of some erudite book. "The True Believer" would be good. The latest copy of Playboy. Leave it on the bed, which you have mussed just a little, just enough to get suspicions going. Whatever book you get, be able to discuss its finer points. Do so. Do not be in a hurry. Let her be in a hurry. Remember, she's been stewing about you since this morning and you've made yourself scarce all day. And she didn't get the pacifier of having you sit with her all day, either.

    Nature will take its course. It always does. And remember, this isn't any conquest. She is responsible for at least half of this entire dynamic. You're not Superman; you're not Cassanova. But you ARE a guy who is doing his part to help nature along. Don't get cocky.

    Don't forget to get her number. Stay in touch. There's going to be another assembly. Your fame will spread.

    Now, when you go to the next assembly and get laid, you are under a solemn obligation to report your exploits. No names. Gentlemen never use names. Just the facts.

    I'll be standing by. Good luck.

    Francois

    Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    That is incredible. I must have been really naive when I was a teenage JW. I had no idea any of this went on. Where were you when I was 17 and horny, Francoise?

  • Francois
    Francois

    The same place I am now that you're whateveritis and horny: RIGHT HERE!!

    However, I seem to remember you're in Oz. Now THAT COULD PRESENT A PROBLEM! N'EST PAS?

    Oh Well.

    Franc

    Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

  • expatbrit
    expatbrit

    Francoise:

    "Plan Frank" is an evil plot concocted by Dr. Logical to destroy the WT by seducing all their layable women (estimated at around 2.5 million). In order to achieve this, we shall require another, oh, ten or so volunteers from this board (first ten, you're in). After we have successfully screwed the WT out of it's womenfolk, the male half will implode due to lack of anyone to exercise headship over.

    As to your convention exploits, I offer my congrats. on an obviously well planned campaign of debauchery. Unfortunately I am no longer a young swain, and my days of young swainhood were rather geeky, hence the complete lack of results. Hell, perhaps I should hit the convention trail now I'm into my more confident and smooth thirties.

    Expatbrit

  • Francois
    Francois

    You're in your thirties? GO FOR IT! ARE U NUTS?

    The sisters who got married to cookie-cutter JW types in their late teens have wised up and gotten rid of the assholes by their late twenties. Now THEY'RE cruising the assemblies looking for...something. Percentages are even a little higher for this group, maybe 20%. Oh, man, your odds just went way up.

    And here you are, a "worldly" guy in his mid-thirties, no delusions left, ready to rock and roll. Got a room of your own at a non-JW-infested motel on the other side of town (recommend a place with an elevator. That way, no one can keep an eye on any door. Go separate. She'll knock. You'll open. Simple.

    Still will be waiting on your report.

    Francois

    Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

  • mommy
    mommy

    Francoise,
    I am lol, I too wondered "how" you did it at assemblies. Thanks for the crash course I agree with you I am sure the older and wiser age will make the ladies more willing. So I say go for it guys, the more we get out the better...lol Of course I will personally oversee this project. All encounters must be sent to me
    wendy

    Blind faith can justify anything~Richard Dawkins, The selfish gene

  • Francois
    Francois

    Wendy, you are a true lady, and one after my own heart. There's nothing like what Erica Jong called a "zipless fuck" to warm the heart, put a bounce in the step, and boost your self-perception. And make "friends" too.

    I remember everyone of my assembly friends, and I remember them with a great deal of affection and warmth. I'm sure it's mutual.

    Best,
    Francois

    Where it is a duty to worship the Sun you can be sure that a study of the laws of heat is a crime.

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