I am tired of being beaten up by rules and organization has laid out that still affect me to this day. Am I really that evil? I know I am not, but it sure feels that way.
Yes, so the part of you that feels that way doesn't know it yet eh? You might say the process is just not complete yet.
Makes me want to just pick up my stuff and walk away ? never to come into contact with my family or friend. I wish I did not get affected by these feelings of hurt so much.
Rather than latching on to this idea of avoiding your family or friend forever, why not just look at it in the sense of taking time out - all the time you need from them, so you can clear your head a bit? In a way it is similar in that you would make no future plan to make contact while you are spending that time away from them, just so you can really see the difference if nothing else. If you ask me I think everyone can use such quality time to themselves, but I would say if it is getting too intense with them just take time out from them, and still spend time with other friends. In other words just having space for yourself for some perspective.